Bog Off
by Tom


Chapter 32: A bit of a punch up

Oblivious to the fact she had all but ruptured relations with her brother, rather in fact as she had nearly ruptured Farty’s dangly bits with her school bag, that morning Cilla could think of nothing else but sex in one form or another. All talk constantly reverted to it and since she was inexorably linked with Gloria and Bella, both of whom were linked to sex, all equally libidinous and utterly fascinated by thoughts of Kelvin’s huge organ, it was to dominate the topic of conversation.

“When is it yer seeing him, Saturday innit?” said Bella. “And yer’s gonna take one of us, so who’s he gonna take then?”

“Be that Bogbrush kid again, I’s ‘spect’s.” said Gloria. “He were there before and he didn’t even wanna look when Cill flashed her knickers!”

“He’s a bleeding queer then!” said Cilla, not that she knew anything of Bogbrush’s predilections, but had assumed if he wasn’t interesting in her juicy wares then he must definitely be of the other persuasion.

“Well when’s we gonna toss a coin for who goes then?” Bella moved from leg to the other, even her recent visit to the girls toilet hadn’t sated an overwhelming desire to reinsert as many fingers as would fit. “Shall us do it now.”

“Sod it, yeah let’s do it, then it’ll stop yer two banging on about it!”

Cilla, who was to be honest becoming bored with squabbling over who should be lucky enough to accompany her, scrabbled about for a coin in her bag.

“Right, yer’s better throw it then Cill’s and Gloria can call out what she wants.”

“Ready?” Cilla threw the coin in the air and looked as it fell down. “Right, wot’s want then?”

“If it’s heads I’s gonna go with yer, tails and Bella goes.” said Gloria hopefully.

“Well it’s tails, so Bella can come.” announced Cilla.

“Fuck!” said Gloria in a very unladylike manner. “Fuck it!”.

“Well yer went last time didn’t yer?” said Bella by way of very insincere apology. “So  then Cill’s, why don’t us all go and find that Farty and tell him to get more details, like wot bleeding time and who’s gonna be there with him and that stuff?”

“Yeah, good idea. Yer keen ain’t yer!” said Cilla, all memories of nearly crippling Farty earlier had been totally forgotten. “Let’s find the little bugger.”


In actual fact, Farty and the rest of the boys didn’t take much finding. They were in a corner of the playground quietly discussing the best way to hide an erection when masturbating in class, Billie being overexcited was on the verge of demonstrating.

Unseen by the boys, the girls approached doing a fair impersonation of the three witches from the Scottish play replete with heavily rouged faces and the impressive, if not supremely magnificent tarantula style eye lashes as retailed by Woolworths.

“Oi Farty!” screeched Cilla.

“Wot! Who, oh!” Farty turned as did everybody else. “Fuck off yer bitch!”

“We wants to talk to yer.” Cilla ignored the siblingesq greeting, Gloria and Bell cackled away in the background.

“I ain’t fucking talking to yer so fucking fuck off!” he exclaimed, his large stomach wobbling with anger. “And take they two dirty fucking cows with yer!”

“Oooh!” Jason looked at Billie, in he in turn he looked at Brett. “Ooh fuck!”

“We wants to talk about meeting that Kelv…” continued Cilla, who appeared not to have received the message at all.

“Well I don’t wanna talk to yer so just fuck off and take they two slags with yer!” reiterated the irate stomach. “I ain’t ever bleeding talking to yer again, yer’s nearly fucked me knackers with that fucking bag of yer’s so just bleeding fucking sod off!”

“We ain’t fucking slags!” interrupted Gloria, who was always a little behind the beat.

“Yer fucking tell him Gloria!” echoed Bella from behind her Woolworths eyelashes.

“Don’t yer talk to I’s like that!” snapped Cilla finally realising her chances of meeting Kelvin were rapidly diminishing as Farty the fixer in chief was now refusing to be involved.

“Why don’t yer lot just fuck off like he says!” said Billie joining in the fray. “Yer nearly broke his knackers hitting him like that, yer cow!”

“And as for her…” Farty wanting to settle the score pointed a grubby finger at the enraged, enrouged Bella, “her’s the dirty cow who keeps wanting to see me willy!”

“Shut yer fucking face! Just bleeding shut up!” exploded a very embarrassed Bella, her eyelashes quivering. “Don’t yer bleeding say nothing!”

“Wot? Her’s been trying to see yer willy!” said Jason. “Thought her’d have wanted to see our Kelv’s big ‘un, not wot we’s got! Wot’s fucking wrong with her?”

“She couldn’t handle a big ‘un I don’t spect!” confirmed Brett, it was close the truth.

“Or a bleeding small one!” added Farty.

Furious and red in the face, although that was hard to tell under the thick layer of make-up, Bella fumed then said something which she was sure would silence Farty. “Listen yer little fat fucking twatt, if yer fucking says anymore about that I’ll tell ’em about wot yer and Cilla do’s!”

“Ah, for fucks sake Bella!” cried Cilla realising she was now implicated, “Just fucking shut up about that yer silly bleeding cow!”

Jason, scenting scandal in the air turned to Farty. “Wot’s she mean then Fart’s?”

“Don’t yer dare fucking say nothing…” screamed Cilla only to be silenced by Farty, who was now really working up to take his revenge.

“Her wanted to wank in front of I’s,” being somewhat economical with the truth was to have far, far more effect, the assembled audience fell silent, “dirty bitch she is!”

“Wot yer sister wanted wank in front of yer!” exclaimed  a shocked Brett. “Shit!”

“So’s yer’s watched her wanking! She did it then, do she?” said an excited and now very, very interested Jason. “Well… how’s she bleeding do it?”

“She sticks all her fingers up her fanny hole don’t she and all that yucky stuff drips out!” said Farty with some relish. “I’s let her do it once ‘cause she keep on about doing it for us, but it ain’t right is it her showing I’s her fanny is it… anyway’s it’s all just a gert slimy hole innit!”

“Fuck! Yer’s seen her do it? Wank?” gasped Billie. “Yer sister and all, fucking hell!”

“Slimy hole?” said Brett to himself not quite sure what he was meant to envisage.

With absolutely no regard for the now decidedly speechless Cilla and her dreadful  friends, Farty firmly hammered the nails home into her coffin.

“Course, she do it some place with they two tarts don’t she, she’s told I that they wanks together all the time” he looked with disgust at Cilla, “and yer wanna hear her doing it at night, sounds like she got her hand in a bucket of bleeding jelly!”

“Cor fuck, imagine the mess all three of ’em would make!” gasped Billie.

Cilla looked. Cilla fumed. Cilla erupted. Accompanied by a string of unusually inventive expletives with all limbs flailing she fairly leapt at Farty with murderous intent. Luckily, being partly protected by his layer of fat, Farty gave as good as he got, although unfortunately in the excitement couldn’t help adding some semi-lethal, malodorous anal effects.

Soon though, Farty was joined by Jason, Billie and Brett since Bella and Gloria had decided to pick up the cudgels to assist Cilla and joined the fray. Had they had fur it would have been flying, as it was Bella was determined to avenge the slur on her name and extract satisfaction from at least one of the boys and was randomly grabbing  at trousers and squeezing hard. Naturally the boys took full advantage of the opportunity to grope the girls, Jason was so excited at the thought of Cilla masturbating he joined in with great enthusiasm managing to push a hand up one of the mini, mini skirts to get a handful of some hot, squidgy and very moist girly bits. Brett was rather unsure of the whole thing since to him girls were a very low priority, yet Billie, who’s balls had been firmly squeezed by Bella was very erect and trying to invoke a mental picture of Cilla performing with legs splayed wide.

Being in a corner of the playground it had taken Mr Browning, the duty teacher a couple of minutes to realise what was happening and then to reach the scene where a small, but delighted audience had gathered with boys especially interested in looking up the girls skirts! However, finally separating the warring factions and establishing that the fight was basically the result of sibling style internecine strife he decided other than strong admonishment it was probably best to leave the cause well alone.

The three girls slouched unhappily off in one direction and the boys in another.

Cilla continued to rant that Bella should not have broadcast she was masturbating with her brother and would never confide in her again, Bella meanwhile attempted to reposition her prosthetic bosoms whilst coping with the verbal onslaught. Gloria was loudly bemoaning the loss of one of her tarantula style eyelashes along with the fact that one of the boys had pushed a hand up her skirt and failed in his attempt to ram a brace of nail bitten fingers right up her slippery girly bits.

Overall the boys had fared better and didn’t look anywhere as dishevelled. Farty was simply delighted that Cilla’s reign as a sexual predator was over and whilst he had learnt much about the female anatomy he could now return to doing what he did best, on his own every morning and night or frequently in between! A giggling Jason proudly announced his hand smelt after it’s girly adventure, yet he could now rightly boast of having had a hand up a girls skirt and almost inside whatever was up there. Brett was simply scared stiff of girls and just went along with flow hoping his lack of interest was not too noticeable, conversely Billie who’s genitalia had been severely squeezed by Bella was as usual toying with himself and contemplating, like Jason just how did Cilla masturbate.

With the actual fracas now past Jason wanted to relay the saga to Kelvin. Leaving Billie and Brett to discuss the exciting events and with Farty heading off for a toilet, Jason set sail for the dining room hoping that Kelvin still was there, it would also give him the opportunity to boast just where his fingers had almost been.

“Oi, d’yer wanna feel me willy, it’s still up!”

A poke in the ribs stirred Luke from thoughts of being ravaged by Joel or Dave, even both, opening his eyes he saw Bogbrush smiling at him.

“Oh.. wot’s want!”

“Looked like yer’d gone to sleep.”

“Uumm.. maybe,” blinking he looked round, “where’s Kelv gone?”

“Gone for a crap, said it were that fucking stew!” Bogbrush put a hand on Luke’s knee under the table. “Wot’s thinks, while he’s gone shall us have another wank?”

“Thinks about wot… oh that! But it’s only fifteen minutes since us all last did it!” Luke feeling far less inhibited and with only Bogbrush there still couldn’t help worrying about doing such risky things in public places.

“I knows that, but get yer hand in me pocket and see if yer can get us off!” said Bogbrush. “Come on, while it’s still all nice and cummy, I’s knows yer likes doing it in yer pants, so’s maybe’s then I could have a feel inside yer trousers as well?”

“Uumm… maybe,” Luke looked around, being sat in the corner it seemed safe enough, “let’s get me hand in yer’s first then.”

“I’s just loves they white pants and yer willy’s so cute!” Bogbrush grinned. “Bet yer started getting all hard now, isn’t yer?”

“Course I’s fucking is!” Luke blushed, pushed his glasses back up his nose and moved to sit even closer to Bogbrush. “So, is I’s using yer special pocket or wot?”

“Yeah, get it in, it’s all ready for yer!”

Luke, immediately started to push his hand inside and was soon giggling. “Cor, wot a bleeding mess it is! There’s slippy cum everywhere!”

“Just shut and get wanking!” replied an excited Bogbrush. “Yer can squidge some cum down round me balls if yer wants!”

“Has yer two seen our Kelv?”

“Who? wot! Fuck!” Bogbrush looked up, his detailed inspection of Luke’s bulging trousers interrupted. “Oh fuck, uumm.. I.. I..”

“Hey… yer two ain’t… yer’s is ain’t yer.. he’s doing something to yer ain’t he?” said the very astute erection orientated Jason seeing how close they were to each other.

“Nah, silly sod! Fucking keep yer voice down!” Bogbrush blushed, to be caught by Jason was a little awkward to say the least. “Anyway’s wot’s yer bleeding want?”

“Ain’t Luke talking to us then?” said Jason seeing as Luke appeared to be studiously looking down.

“Course I’s is.” Luke raised his head, mortified at being caught he fiddled with his glasses, his other hand firmly embedded in Bogbrush’s spunky, sodden underpants.

“Yer wanking each other off!” Jason giggled and pointed at the embarrassed Luke. “I’s can tell that, just look at him, he knows he’s been caught!”

“Don’t be fucking silly, come here, sit down and see’s for yerself.” said Bogbrush indicating to the vacant chair while simultaneously pulling Luke’s hand from his pocket to leaving streaks of semen over his trousers behind it.

“Alright I’s will.” Jason, starting an erection of his own moved around the table and pulled a chair up to sit next to Bogbrush, he immediately looked beneath the table.

“Yer both hard!” he exclaimed on seeing the tenting trousers, although what else could he have been expecting?

“Yeah, it’s ‘cause of yer, yer’s got us all excited!” Bogbrush smiled and clamped his hand on top of Jason’s fly. “And, yer’s got hard ‘cause of us ain’t yer!”

It was now Jason’s his turn to blush, he tried to divert the focus back to Luke. “Look  they’s gert dollops of cum all over yer trousers!”

“Don’t be so fucking silly, I’s were just dribbling a bit, it were that bleeding horse stew wunnit!” said Bogbrush. “Now wot is it yer fucking wants with Kelv?”

“Oh, it weren’t good were it?” seemingly placated over the semen he continued. “I were gonna tell him about Cilla, ‘cause her and Farty just had a fucking gert fight!”

“Well he’s gone for a crap!” announced Bogbrush as though it were an everyday occurrence, which of course it generally was.

“Oh shit! Well at least he won’t be stinking house out when he gets home then!”

“Nah, gassed himself by now I ‘spect!” he looked around. “Now tell us then, they’s fighting over wot and wot’s this bleeding message then?”

“He’s gonna have to talk to that little cow Cilla himself if he wants to carry on with it, ‘cause Farty  says he ain’t talking to her again ‘cause she hit him in the knackers this morning and bent ’em a bit!”

“Wot? I’s fucking lost!” said Luke supposedly scratching his nose, but actually having a quick lick of his finger to taste Bogbrush’s semen. It was very nice too.

“Don’t worry!” Bogbrush grinned. “I’s lost as well ‘cause it’s all girly shit stuff innit?”

Luke having finally realised he wasn’t going to be exposed as a serial masturbator’s facilitator had managed to lick the remains of the semen off his hand, shuffling on the chair he dearly wanted to rub his cock as it sloshed around in the spunk impregnated briefs. On glancing over to Jason it seemed to Luke that Bogbrush’s hand was rhythmically working on his trousers, the thought did cross his mind that the two of them seemed very comfortable with each other. But, surely with the age difference they would not have been intimate together, especially with Jason being Kelvin’s younger brother, would they? Whether or not they had been, the suggestion had now been planted and Luke was convincing himself that he wasn’t attracted to the young boy or indeed any of the younger boys in the school. But, had to concede that the recent sight of Connor playing with himself had definitely aroused him.

“She ain’t no girl, she’s bleeding a gert cow!” said Jason wriggling on the chair, it seemed Bogbrush’s ministrations were having a very positive effect.

“Wot’s he fucking want now?”

“Oh, yer back then?” Luke looked up to see Kelvin had returned from his mission.

“Nice crap?”

“Gert big ‘un! Were that fucking stew wunnit!”

“Shut up Kelv, we doesn’t wanna know that!” said Jason trying to keep still as Bogbrush’s nimble fingers continued to manipulate matters.

“So wot d’yer bleeding want coming back here then?”

“Farty’s had a gert bust up with that Cilla and says if yer still wants to do something with her, then yer’s gotta talk to her yerself and he ain’t doing it for yer no more.”

“I don’t wanna talk to the stupid cow, I only wants to see her gert tits and fanny!”

“But she ain’t got no gert tits! Thought yer knew that!” said Jason. “Her and her mates all wears they gert padded things to make ’em look they’s got gert tits!”

“Yer seen her tits ain’t yer Bog’s? They’s big ain’t they?”

“Well us only saw ’em under her shirt, it were a bit lumpy, but we didn’t see no real tit tits like did us? And, and didn’t one of ’em look like it had fallen down a bit!”

“It were so heavy it had just slipped down a bit I reckon.” said Kelvin still convinced.

“Farty says she ain’t got none neither,” continued Jason, “and he oughta know.”

“Well anyhow, I’s sure she gotta real fucking gert pair!” said Kelvin not wishing to have his dream shattered. “Jase, well why can’t yer see her for us and fix it all up?”

“Nah, not now I’s can’t, ‘cause us lot joined in the fight!” he grinned. “And, I’s stuck me hand right up one of ‘em’s knickers and got a ‘orrible sticky fingers!”

“How fucking disgusting!” said Bogbrush in mock horror. “‘spose that’s girls for yer!”

“Dirty little sod!” said Kelvin, it was further than his fingers had ever got. “Wash it!”

“I had too ‘cause it smelled!”

“Oh shit!” said Luke, the conversation confirming he too wasn’t sure about girls.

Jason laughed. “Anyhow’s I’s thought it were all fixed up to see her at the weekend, well that’s wot Farty said. Ain’t that right?”

“Yeah, but I’s just wanna make sure it’s all on like.” said a confused Kelvin.

“Well yer’ll have to do it yerself then, ‘cause none of us ain’t going near the cow!”

“Oi Jase, wot’s that sodding ‘orrible thing crawling up yer trouser leg?” said Kelvin pointing. “It’s a bleeding gert spider or summat!”

“Fuck! I hates they spiders!” cried Jason looking down, quite obviously not taken with phylum Arthropoda at all. “Well bleeding help us! Somebody do summat!”

“There, die yer bugger!” Kelvin threw his bag at Jason’s leg. “That’s fucked him!”

“Fucking hell Kelv yer nearly broke me bloody leg!” cried Jason now standing and hopping round on the remaining one, his trousers tenting after Bogbrush’s attention. “But, is it dead?”

“Yer hard yer dirty little bugger, yer wanking under the table!” said Kelvin, never one to miss an erection, Luke stared.

“He’s fucking dead alright!” Bogbrush was starting to laugh on seeing Gloria’s other eyelash lying helplessly on the floor and pointing to it. “Don’t touch it, it’ll have yer bloody hand off!”


Returning to the playground from his typically noisy ablutions, Farty having almost blasted the toilet door off it’s hinges was trudging back contemplating life without the use of Cilla’s gooey bits when he heard a now familiar voice.

“Oi, Farty, wot’s doing then?”

“Oh,” he looked up, his cock twitched, “nothing much, wot’s yer doing?”

It was a pointless reply for one quick look would have seen that Connor was doing what Connor always did, with a hand in his pocketless pocket.

“Fancy a quick ‘un?”

Compacted testicles or not Farty felt a stirring, he really did fancy a quick ‘un. “Were, d’yer fancy then?”

“Uumm..” Connor’s two brain cells ground slowly on, “uumm, in they bike sheds?”


“Yer got yer white pants on again?” both pocketless pockets were now employed.

“Course and me vest, our mum don’t buy us nothing else do she?”

“Dunno. So when d’yer last do it?”

“In a bog, this morning.” replied Farty really wishing to go into the bruising details of his fight with Cilla. “Yer?”

“Before I’s had me dinner,” Connor smiled invitingly, “so me pants is all cummy.”

“Cor, so’s can I’s feel inside?” Farty moved closer and peered down, the protuberant front of the tired grey trousers certainly looked a very damp in places. “Ooh yeah!”

And so it came to pass that the unlikely couple headed excitedly off in the direction of the bicycle sheds. Farty wrestling with his voluminous white underwear in the search of his modest organ which was hiding somewhere amongst the excess rolls of his stomach. The insatiable Connor hoping that the monster trouser splitting erection sliding around in his semen lubricated briefs would not spew it’s load until Farty had at least managed to get a hand partially around it.

The aforesaid bicycle sheds did not disappoint. Connor, a very frequent visitor knew exactly which of the graffiti covered walls would offer the best seclusion for those deeds of a sexual kind. Leading Farty through the wasteland of sexual detritus he couldn’t help excitedly pointing out some of the more obvious items and suggested that maybe Farty would like to join him on a trawl through the revolting rubbish!

“Ooh, I dunno about that.” said Farty staring down a particularly gross brown tinted handkerchief which must have suffered considerably in it’s short life, he tried to picture the owner ejaculating into it several hundred times.

“I’s tries to come and have a look every day, in case I’s misses something!”

“Wot? Misses wot? Yer means yer looks for spunky things here every day? Oh fuck!”

“Yeah, sometimes I’s picked up stuff and it’s still all spunky!” Connor looked at him as though to coax an approving response. “I’s even put me finger in it and licked it!”

Farty was quickly beginning to recognise that Connor must be in the advanced class for pervert cadets and it all sounded quite repellent. That said, he was very intrigued to think of the level to which Connor might sink and could, heaven forbid imagine there might be satisfaction to be had if he, himself were to accidentally on purpose discover some freshly discarded spunky underwear.

“Has yer ever found any really gert all spunky pants or that?” he blurted without thinking and immediately flushed. “Shit!”

Brain dead Connor may have been academically speaking, but when it came to matters sexual he was top of the class. His antenna in the shape of his over large cock twitched expectantly, it seemed as though his new best masturbatory friend might also have an interest in such a subject, now was the time to reel him in.

“Yeah.” he looked guiltily around. “Don’t tell nobody, but a couple of weeks ago I’s found a spunky pair of pants, sorta my size.”

“Wot?” Farty’s eye’s were on stalks. “Was they all cummy then… did yer.. yer..”

“I tasted it if that’s wot yer means!” Connor grinned. “Musta been that day’s cum like, second year kid I reckons, he’d done it ’em a few times and all.”

“Cor.. fuck..” he had to ask the question, “has yer still got ’em then?”

“Oh yeah! I’s took ’em home and wanked in em.. all night!” again Connor grinned thinking how could he build on Farty’s obvious interest. “I’s puts ’em at home.”

“Bleeding hell!”

“I wore ’em to school last week and wanked in ’em!” he grinned, Farty was hooked.

“Yer did?” gasped Farty.

“If yer was to come to our house after school yer could see ’em.. maybe’s even put ’em on if yer can!”

“Is they white or coloured like?” Farty’s grubby, hot, clammy hand was very active in his pocket, not being a pocketless pocket he had only got as far as burrowing under the elastic of his briefs. “‘cause yer likes white don’t yer?”

“They’s a sort very pale blue,” replied Connor determined to lead Farty on, “and I’s thinks they’s says Y-fronts on the elastic.”

“Oooh.. yer means they’s real ones not that Guptha’s shit?”

“Yeah ‘spose. So if yer comes back tomorrow with us, our mum’ll be working. Us can swop pants if yer wants and us could have a real gert wank,” he paused, “maybe try something else as well, wot’s think?”

Very, very aroused Farty nodded excitedly, not realising that the pleasures of trying something else as alluded too were in Connor’s mind pleasures of the anal variety be they to be achieved by animal, vegetable, human or mineral means.

“Yer gotta wear yer matching white undies, yer will won’t yer.”

“Course,” replied Farty fumbling with his fly, “now wank us off quick ‘cause I’s gonna cum!”

“So’s I!”


Not a million miles away from the bike sheds, in the playground Mr Wilson was coming to the end of his stint as duty master and had actually been quite enjoying himself. It had turned into a something of a voyeuristic dream, spiced up by three third year boys who he deemed, watching from a safe distance were having some form of competition to see who ejaculated first with all action happening through trouser pockets. Making a mental note of the boys in question, he determined that they needed to be under very close scrutiny the next time they appeared for their woodwork lesson. However before he could progress any further thoughts he heard a familiar voice and turned to see Kelvin with Bogbrush in tow hurrying over.

“Sir, yer wanted to see us?” asked Kelvin in his best voice being unsure of the reason.

“Ah yes, I’ve some good news for, but don’t want you to tell anybody except of course your family. Now see what you think.”

“Wot?” looking a little lost Kelvin waited expectantly. “Good news?”

“I assume you’ll be leaving school when you are sixteen?”

“Oh…. uumm.. I ‘spose.. I’s uumm.. ain’t thought about it..” now he was lost, these were very demanding thoughts and in his mind light years in the future, “why Sir?”

“I know it’s only months away, now d’you have any idea what you want to do?”

“Ah… uumm..” he paused looking for inspiration, anywhere, “uumm.. no, I’s ain’t!”

“So if I could get you an interview with a view to a carpentry apprenticeship would you be interested?”

“Yer joking? Wot? Oh yeah!”

The reply was instant, he nervously pulled at his cock through his pocketless pocket, the soggy Guptha’s International underpants were sticking to his pubic hair.

“Fuck!” mouthed Bogbrush.

“But… who.. how?”

“I know somebody who runs a small joinery business and he likes to sort out his apprentices ahead, so shall I tell him you’re interested then?”

“But… but,” Kelvin’s face fell, “yer’ll have to him I’s shit at reading and writing won’t yer?”

“I already have!” he smiled. “But, I did say you were very good with your hands.”


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