Bog Off
by Tom


Chapter 21: Just a typical Saturday morning

Generally speaking, the remainder of the week passed with little happening out of the ordinary, other than some very adventurous boys discovering new inversions to the more established rituals of self-abuse, be they in a communal or solo capacity. For Kelvin there was an added bonus in that his mother had appeared to have momentarily given up on chasing him over his appearance and settled for a less stressful and more peaceful existence.

Of course, after Billie’s excited relaying of Connor, Farty and Joel’s sexual exploits in the toilet to both Jason and Brett it was pretty obvious that Jason would not resist telling Kelvin as well. In return, without any consideration for confidentiality Kelvin confirmed that Joel was indeed in his class, adding that whilst it shouldn’t become common knowledge, Joel was thought to have a certain predilection for boys of the boy sex. Naturally Jason said he would never divulge such a secret, but immediately told Brett and Billie about Joel’s interests so that by the end of the week Joel was either being avoided or getting knowing, sometimes hopeful looks from several of the second year boys.

At that point Kelvin promptly told Bogbrush who rather wished he had been privy to the actual encounter himself, however he in turn took the opportunity to mention to Kelvin that he was thinking of meeting up with Joel that Saturday and possibly to introduce him to Byron. The invitation was extended to Kelvin to come along and join in the fun, however despite finding the whole suggestion rather amusing he declined concluding that even by his debauched standards being buggered in a public toilet by three decidedly homosexual boys was to be resisted. That said, Bogbrush was under strict instructions to call around on the Sunday and relay to Kelvin in graphic detail exactly what had happened.

Saturday had dawned with a cloudy sky and a promise of rain later, not that that particularly interested Bogbrush who was hurrying to meet Joel. In view of the rather nefarious the nature of their quest they had agreed to meet at half-past ten outside of the local Woolworths being, they hoped somewhere where they would not be noticed. Not of course that the secrecy made any difference, but it did make them feel they were on a mission and besides Bogbrush wanted to visit the shop anyway.

The truth was that Bogbrush was actually becoming interested in his clothes and that definitely included underwear. Gradually he was coming round to thinking that the white briefs worn by the likes of Luke and Dave were not just mundane, but on the contrary better fitting and could be extremely erotic. There was no denying that in general all of Guptha’s International clothing was of appalling quality and the gaudy baggy underpants were something of a standing joke in the changing rooms. Yet, on the plus side they were cheap, purchased by most mothers and had the advantage of being commodious enough to facilitate masturbating inside them without any problem whilst in class.

Since Woolworths sold most things including clothing it seemed to Bogbrush an ideal opportunity to have a look and then maybe, maybe if he were not too embarrassed to suggest to his mother she bought some. Wearing jeans with a specially modified pocketless pocket he cruised slowly up and down the clothing aisle nursing his erection whilst taking in the display of what looked like well cut, imitation Y-fronts with a fly that had not been sewn up by mistake.

Once back out in the street he leant against a wall to await Joel and looked idly around at the passers by contemplating the white briefs, but when his gaze fell onto a pair of what he recognised as first year boys from school he immediately snapped back to reality. For one of them a short blond boy with a crew cut was, from what Bogbrush could see showing no shame and virtually masturbating as he walked, both hands deeply engaged in his jeans pockets. His friend might have had only one hand in action, but what action it was for in the desperation to get to his cock he had twisted his jeans so far around that the pocket was directly on top of his cock where the fly would normally be.

“Yer a dirty sod, looking at they young ‘un’s!” Joel laughed. “And, yer fucking hard, I’s can see that from yer jeans!”

“Wot! Fuck!” surprised, Bogbrush swung round quickly withdrawing his hand, but leaving the bump.

“Don’t worry. That blond kid, I’d have he as well!”

“Fuck!” repeated Bogbrush, embarrassed at being caught lusting after the younger boys. “Well, uumm.. well yer’s ready then?”

“Well yeah, I’s here ain’t us? But dunno wot I’s ready for or who’s we’s gonna meet do us?” said Joel, who despite the nonchalant air was somewhat worried as to what was planned. “Yer said we was gonna go to that bog by the gert carpark to get wanked off or something, but I’ve forgotten who’s us meeting… wot’s his name?”

“Thought I’s said that didn’t us?” Bogbrush started to walk. “Well bloody come on then, it’ll take us ten minutes to get there. His names… uumm… ah, Byron innit?”

“Is it, I dunno! Who? Biro? That’s a bleeding pen innit? Never fucking heard of that, wot sorta fucking names that then, wot is he a fucking pen or something?”

“Oh piss off, look don’t worry about that, ‘cause yer can call him Dipstick!”

“Wot’s yer fucking on about? Bleeding Dipstick!” Joel was having difficulty in keeping up with both the forced pace and conversation. “Now slows down a bit, ‘cause I’s ain’t got gert long legs like yer has!”

“Oh, why yer ill or something? Cant’ yer walk fucking quick?”

“Not now’s I’s can’t.” Joel was struggling, equally thin but a few inches shorter than the tall Bogbrush with his very distinctive haircut they looked a very unlikely pair. “Listen, just fucking keep yer voice down, it’s ‘cause me willy hurts!”

“Yer wot?” Bogbrush grinned. “Yer been fucking wanking too much ain’t yer and yer’s been dreaming of wot’s gonna happen?”

Joel blushed as if to confirm his guilt. “Yeah, alright, but… but, I ain’t got no pants on ‘cause I though be easier in the bog and these fucking jeans is rubbing me bits to bits!”

“Wot! No pants? Yer ain’t have yer!” Bogbrush was laughing. “I’s done that once, it nearly rubbed yer willy raw!”

“Fuck off!” he blushed again.

“And, we’s gotta be practical like,” Bogbrush grinned, he could see Joel was already nervous, “I’s hope yer’s had a crap, ‘cause Dip’s will wanna put something up yer!”

“He’ll wot!” puce with embarrassment at the very suggestion Joel didn’t know what to say, what he did know was that the answer was not affirmative.

“Well,” dropping all pretence of modesty Bogbrush decided it tell it as it was, “now fucking come on Joel, yer’s gotta be prepared when yer goes for sex stuff like. Look none of us stuffs a finger up us when us needs a crap do us, so yer’s gotta think a bit ahead and wipe yer bum proper! D’yer see?”

“Fucking bleeding shut up about it!” worried as well as deeply embarrassed Joel looked around hoping nobody heard. “Well don’t keep bleeding go on about it!”

“I’s just warning yer like,” Bogbrush smiled to himself, “anyway’s, there’s bogs there if yer needs a crap!”

Whatever the next colour in the spectrum to puce was, Joel turned two shades above and tried to change the topic back to underwear, something he was also very interested in. “I’s thought it would be easier if I didn’t wear no pants… well, I’s don’t fucking knows does us?”

“Yeah, I ‘spose that’s a good idea that,” Bogbrush was thinking maybe it was a good opportunity to sound out Joel and get his views on what type of underwear aroused him, “I’s got some old white ones on, ‘cause I thinks Dipstick likes ’em, so wot d’yer usually wear then?”

“Well, same sorta thing as all the others I ‘spose,” Joel’s normal colour had almost returned, he adjusted his dangly bits along with the one very hard bit through the bottomless pocket for the umpteenth time, “Guptha shit, wot me mum buys innit.”

“So hasn’t yer looked at Luke when he gets changed then, he’s got some gert smart white pants that’s looks all tight and don’t hang like a fucking curtains like the rest of us with that Guptha shit.” Bogbrush looked at him/. “Well yer musta seen ’em, right? ‘cause I knows yer looks round like wot I’s do don’t yer?”

“Uumm.. oh yeah, they white ones,” Joel blushed again, for unlike Bogbrush who constantly confided in Kelvin he wasn’t used to making such admissions, “I spose.”

“I’d like to get me hand in ’em and wank him off!” said Bogbrush hoping to draw a reaction, “I’s, I thought that the other night when I’s had a gert messy wank! I’s bet yer would if yer had the chance wouldn’t yer?”

“Honest, yer had a wank thinking of him?” Joel was hooked, there was no doubt he would as well, did in fact.

“Yeah,” Bogbrush grinned, “and I had me wank last night thinking about yer and all! So who’d yer think of then last night when yer’s did it?”

From the changing colour of Joel’s face it was obvious that he too had been thinking of somebody. “Uumm… I’s.. uumm…”

“Want I to guess then?” Bogbrush was becoming very aroused, he moved closer and leaned over to whisper. “I reckons it’s that young kid Connor with the fucking gert willy, that’s bigger than both of ours joined together innit?”

“Oh fuck!” Joel stopped walking looking very shaken. “How the fuck d’yer knows about that? Shit! They promised not to say nothing.”

“Oh fuck, didn’t mean to shock yer,” Bogbrush put his hand on Joel’s shoulder, he would dearly have liked to have put it somewhere else, but that would be later, “it weren’t none of they… there were a fucking spy in the bog and yer lot didn’t know.”

“Wot? But us looked under all the doors and that, so, so how?”

“He were standing on the bog, so’s yer lot wouldn’t see him.”

“Fuck!” Joel looked white, very shocked. “So he, he fucking saw it all then?”

“Yeah, says yer all kept wanking each other off in turn and yer was the lucky fucker who had Connor’s cock when he cum!” Bogbrush grinned. “Fuck, I’d wanna do that, so he cum all over yer hand and then all three of yer’s all starts to lick it clean?”

Five shades above puce on the colour wheel, Joel nodded. The embarrassment.

“And, Farty’s only got a little ‘un? Did he come as well? So yer all cum?”

More embarrassed nodding.

“Do he do bumhole stuff? Connor like?”

“Don’t know, never got that far.” further blushes. “I’s reckons he might.”

“Would yer do something with him again?”

Joel paused, there seemed little point in lying since Bogbrush obviously had already guessed. “Yeah course I fucking would, but I’s wanna do it without Farty.”

“And, Connor… he’d wanna do something else then?”

“Yeah, sure he do.” he nodded, his hand very active inside the missing pocket.

“So can I’s come next time as well then?”

“I ‘spose if yer wants… well if he don’t mind, yeah why not.”

“Look, see up there,” Bogbrush pointed up the road to some straggly bushes by what looked to be an electricity sub-station, “We’s well away from the busy bit now and it ain’t long till us gets to the bog and I’s don’t even knows if Dip’s is gonna be there, so, so shall us have quick un in they bushes?”

Joel had become so aroused he could have had the proverbial quick ‘un right there where they stood, the inside of his jeans already slimy with precum and the head of his cock was beginning to chaff and feel sore. “But, is yer gonna be able to cum again when us meets this Dipstick?”

“Oh fuck yeah course I’s can, I did six gert cums in a row the other Sunday when I were bored!” Bogbrush looked at the growing wet patch on the front Joel’s jeans and the hand beneath quite obviously stroking an erection. “Anyway’s I’s reckons yer’s gonna cum before us even gets to they bleeding bushes!”

“Oh… fuck! Maybe!” Joel had finally begun to realise he wasn’t the only one to carry out repeated acts of self-abuse and be driven in much the same way as Bogbrush.

“So if I was to grab hold yer willy right now, reckon yer’d cum then?” Bogbrush smiled. “See I thinks that would turn yer right on wouldn’t it, in the road like?”

“Wot, now, in the road, now?” Joel looked all around, there was nobody in sight and the risk of being caught considerably heightened the sexual element. “Dare yer!”

“Yeah, alright, right fucking now!” grinning Bogbrush moved to stand right next to him, pushing his hand in the pocket opening and immediately making contact with the slimy head of his erection. “Yer a dirty sod ain’t yer! Now d’yer wanna do it to I’s here or’s us go to they bushes.”

“Ooh.. fuck it!”

As predicted it was all over in moments, most of it all over Bogbrush’s hand which he quickly withdrew and began to lick. Joel, now in a very adventurous mood pushed his hand in Bogbrush’s pocket, wormed his way into the briefs and started work.


Not all that far away at the infamous number thirteen Cockburn Rise things, well specifically the fetid jumble of bedclothes type things draped over the scaffolding bed were beginning to move. It was almost time to greet the mid-morning light since the new dawn was long past.

“Fucking hell!”

Kelvin’s head briefly surfaced to welcome the new day in his usual manner. Finding the daylight to be a problem at that early hour he quickly retreated back beneath the bedding to the comfort zone of seminal smells and sticky unmentionable fluids. Groping around in what could only be described as pungent darkness for his latest toy, he pondered the question of whether in retrospect he should have gone with Bogbrush and Joel to see if Dipstick were about. After all, he told himself, if Bogbrush could survived a rogering by Dipstick, then surely he could and there would have been the bonus of having Joel there to interfere with as well.

In the living room below Jason was aimlessly wandering around, having finished breakfast he was impatiently waiting for Billie to arrive as they had planned to go somewhere. Although the actual somewhere had not yet been decided for it could be the shopping area, just ride their bikes aimlessly around the council estate or probably visit the local park and enjoin in frantic willy rubbing behind the bushes.

“Jase stop walking around, yer wearing out me carpet, Billie ain’t gonna be yer for another half-hour, yer said that yerself.” spoke the vast cloud of tobacco smoke that had drifted in the doorway concealing Doreen, fag in mouth. “Do something useful, go up and wake that bother of yer’s up, he’s a sod, he’d sleep all day if he could!”

“Yeah, alright. Yeah!”

It was an exciting prospect, for Jason was now fully authorised to burst into Kelvin’s bedroom and try to get him out of bed. An odds-on bet decreed he would be caught playing with himself and that in turn could well lead to Jason being invited or more likely, be conscripted to join in.

So exciting a prospect in fact, that outside Kelvin’s bedroom door he had to pause, reach down inside his pale green paisley Guptha’s International underpants replete with sewn-up fly and readjust matters. Things were beginning to take shape and he needed to free those things from under the elastic, for being a leisurely Saturday morning it had already taken quite a battering and ideally needed a little down time to recoup.

With a crash the bedroom door swung back, it pushed the chair that was supposedly wedged to keep it from opening flying across the room.

“Oi! Our mum says yer’s gotta get up!”

“Fuck off!” replied the pulsating heap of bedclothes. “Yer a little cunt… fuck off!”

“I fucking ain’t not till yer outta bed ‘cause our mum says yer’s gotta get up now!”

Ignoring the expected brotherly greeting, Jason was instead fully focused on the bedclothes and as to exactly what disgusting act they could possibly be concealing.

“Just fucking fuck off!” reiterated the frenzied bedclothes, possibly up an octave.

“Ooh.. fuck!”

Jason squirmed in latent delight at thoughts of what he could shortly be witnessing. With a hand down the front of his jeans he just decided that even after the two orgasms he had achieved earlier they were still not enough to satisfy him for he was again fully erect and now had a finger inside his foreskin. Driven by the noises and increased activity coming from under the bedclothes, in Jason’s estimation it seemed that Kelvin must be approaching ejaculation, which for Jason meant that unless he acted immediately the climax would have come and gone without being witnessed.

There was of course only one thing do, walking swiftly over to bed he grabbed hold of the bedclothes and pulled the whole lot onto the floor aiming to get a really good look at what was going on. The white, pimply bottom was raised high in the air for Kelvin’s stomach was supported on top a pile of pillows which allowed his cock to be sandwiched between them and the infamous, absolutely revolting, smelly old sponge cushion.

Regardless of the embarrassment of being caught, Kelvin continued to hump away knowing that ejaculation was a less than pico second, pretty imminent in fact. With the bedclothes removed the overpowering smell of unwashed Kelvin and worse, the aroma of the bacteria ridden, semen soaked, disintegrating sponge rubber cushion filled the room. But, even as repulsive as that was there was something else, an exciting, riveting something else that immediately caught Jason’s eye.

“Fuck off yer little cunt.. I’ll.. I’ll… I’ll smash yer fucking… fucking…”

It was all Kelvin could manage to prognosticate before the orgasm which he had so far managed to avoid erupted, consummation of the bedclothes following instantly. Uncontrollably shuddering, he shot endless wads of spunk into the pillows and the sponge cushion until, after what seemed like an age he collapsed head down onto the mattress gasping for breath, quite plainly very exhausted by his efforts.

“Cor, fucking hell!” observed Jason now looking to see just how much spunk was escaping from between the pillows. “They’s fucking gert gallons of cum!”

Kelvin observed nothing. Jason though had correctly observed that the aforesaid fucking gert gallons of cum were continuing to seep out from the pillows and in particular from the fermenting cellular structure of the revolting cushion. This latest spermicidal influx had forced out the previous semi-congealed deposits which were now oozing out underneath to soak into the bottom sheet, mattress and raise the grain on the heavily stained scaffold plank below.

“Cor, it fucking stinks don’t it?” continued Jason excitedly surveying the scene with an air of repulsion. “Wot’s that up yer bum, yer’s made another willy has yer?”

“Wot? Fuck off!”

Jason, his hand inside the Guptha’s International pale green paisley briefs was seriously contemplating masturbation as he pointing to the beautifully crafted wooden handle that quivered, protruding from Kelvin’s bottom.

“Fucking keep yer fucking voice down!” gasped Kelvin, who after his strenuous exertions was feeling barely alive let alone with it, the malodorous atmosphere was hampering breathing. Nevertheless, he was alive enough to realise that Jason now somehow had to be sworn to secrecy or he would be taunted about be caught in such an embarrassing situation for evermore.

“Is it a big ‘un?”

Enthralled, holding his breath Jason leant over to take a very close look at both the workmanship and the wrinkled orifice from which it and the copious mixture of warm handcream with naturally, bodily added anal detritus sprouted.

“Well fucking play with it and find out, push it in and out a bit!”

Kelvin was now getting into a far more compliant frame of mind having realised that if Jason became involved then he would obviously be far less inclined to start telling everybody about manipulating the wooden dildo which was stuck deep in his older brothers bottom.

“Yer wot? In yer bum yer means?” Jason looked again, was this an invitation he could really refuse? His cock twitched expectantly having already decided it was an opportunity not be missed.

“Don’t fucking give us that innocent shit, ‘cause I’s knows yer stuffs things up yer hole, so bleeding get on with it… and if yer do’s it right I’s might cum a again!”

“I’s don’t!” protested Jason, his embarrassed look telling a different story for only that very morning a brace of saliva lubricated digits had invaded him.

Unbeknown to Jason, the fact was that Kelvin really did know all about his anal stuffing’s. Kelvin hadn’t been grovelling under Jason’s bed sniffing the shrivelled carrots for nothing or even on occasion reliving the excitement of finding the pair of Vaseline impregnated green briefs with strange holes in them hidden on top of the wardrobe. So, would Jason fall for the bluff? Would Jason fall for the invitation? As Kelvin said to himself, what boy didn’t stuff something up their bottom for he certainly did and so obviously did Jason, who it seemed was equally proficient, not to say just as inventive!

“Yer fucking do! Now go easy with that thing!” Kelvin guessed that Jason had taken the bait and also the handle of the dildo. “Yer’ll have to work it in and out a bit.”

“Cor.. how big is it?” gasped Jason closely monitoring every inch that he slowly withdrew.

“Big enough!” replied Kelvin, his cock almost erect again he pushed it into the soggy mess between the pillows. “Sorta five inches.. pull it till it’s nearly out then push it back up… but bloody slowly!”

“Ooh fuck!” Jason twitched, for his cock had twitched and was despite all it’s earlier activity was obviously ready for action again, he pushed himself into the side of the bed. “Yer, Kelv…”

“Wot?” Kelvin smiled to himself, delighted Jason had been so easily conscripted. “Wot’s bleeding want now?”

“Well, well.. would yer make us one as well?” as Kelvin guessed it had taken a quite a lot to ask that question.

“Maybe, thing is see, I copies ’em from a real willy, so I’d have to get yer to pose with yer willy all hard while I carves one, d’yer see wot I’s means?”


“Or, maybe… uumm… one of yer little wanky mates might come along and play with yer willy to keep it hard while I’s works like? Wot’s think?”

“Billie might.” mused Jason as he watched the wood disappearing inside.

“Course, us could make yer toy it look like his willy if he’d stand there instead, then yer could play with his to keep it up while I works couldn’t yer?”

“Yeah, I’s ask him.” Jason was deep in thought, well as deep in thought as he could ever be even if the thoughts didn’t quite make sense. “So, can yer reach round and wank us off while I’s does yer bum with the wooden willy then?”


It was just as well that Bogbrush and Joel had taken their time in getting to Byron’s favourite toilet for had they been five minutes earlier they would have witnessed the withdrawal ceremony of a middle aged Saturday morning regular. Followed  by the usual crossing of the palm with silver to include the complete genital, post buggery, full oral clean up since the act had been carried out without protection.

“Bog’s I ain’t sure about doing this.” Joel had stopped on the edge of the carpark, his nerve was rapidly failing. “Anyway’s I’s messed me jeans up now ain’t I?”

“For fuck’s sake, don’t be silly, he’s alright and yer can do wot yer wants, he won’t hurt yer.” Bogbrush sounded encouraging, although if he were honest he was not too sure he wanted to continue himself. “Look, yer can just watch wot he does to I if yer wants.”

“Well… I ‘spose,” Joel took another tentative couple of steps towards the carpark, it was though a very exciting prospect, “so is yer gonna let him fuck yer then?”

“Dunno, we’s fucked each other last time.” Bogbrush started walking to the building. “That’s settled then so fucking come on, he won’t fucking bite, but he might lick!”

Fifty yards away inside the toilet, in the gloom of his favourite cubicle Byron was doing his best to make himself presentable should another client appear. Although that morning even his best wasn’t very good for his tracksuit trousers had suffered an excess of seminal deposits and now displayed wet patches both back and front.

“Fuck, I’s don’t fucking like it,” Joel had stopped again, now by the entrance door he was looking very nervously around, the darkening sky not helping, “and, it’s gonna fucking rain!”

“Fuck the rain! Just bleeding shut up and get in, it’s alright, yer worries too much.”

“Bog’s…” Joel moved restlessly from one foot to the other looking up at the sky, the odd raindrop now evident.

“Wot now? Is yer alright, yer looks a bit sorta odd like?” he put his hand on top of his head, “Oh balls, it’s fucking raining now!”

“I just bleeding said that! Look, Bog’s I, I..” Joel looked nervously round yet again, very nervously for there was an embarrassing problem, “Bogs…I, I’s needs a crap!”

“Oh shit!” Bogbrush started to giggle. “Sorry… well, I ‘spose we’s at the right place for that, so get in before yer makes a mess in yer jeans!”

“Don’t fucking say that! Shut up,” wishing he was home, Joel peered into the gloom keeping his legs tightly clamped together, his nerve had almost failed and his sphincter was loosening to compensate, “d’yer reckon he’s in yer?”

“I dunno, do us, wot’s think I’s got bleeding crystal balls or something!”

An almighty fart shook the building!

“Oh fuck!” Joel immediately reached behind in sheer panic. “Oh fuck!”

“Yer better have that shit quick!” Bogbrush was trying not to laugh, but failing.

Byron on listening to the conversation and recognising Bogbrush’s voice quickly sensed Joel’s voice wasn’t that enthusiastic, he decided to entice them to stay.

“Yeah, he’s yer!” Byron stepped from his cubicle like an overweight phantom. “I’s glad yer’s come back, I’d hoped yer would ‘cause yer’s got such a nice cock!”

“Oh fuck me!” exclaimed Joel, which under the circumstances was probably not the best thing to say!

“Let I’s guess… it’s Bogbrush innit?” said Byron. “See I remembers yer.”

“Cor, yeah.” Bogbrush was impressed, although it didn’t take that much to impress.

“D’yer wanna do something then,” Byron looked at Joel, quite obviously trying to hide behind Bogbrush, “and, yer’s brought another mate, he looks cute and he’s already playing with wot looks like a gert willy!”

Joel quickly removed his hand from his pocket and almost smiled, he was very flattered just as he was intended to be, maybe it would be alright after all.

“But we’s done something silly, see Dip’s, we’s got so excited we’s cum in our pants on the way!” Bogbrush giggled. “And Joel needs a shit!”

“Don’t bleeding say that!” exclaimed a truly embarrassed Joel. “I’s can’t help it!”

“I heard yer fart!” Byron laughed. “Nerves, they nerves kid don’t fucking worry!”

“Oh fuck!” Joel cringed and then quickly clamped his legs together.

“Anyhow so yer’s cum in yer pants then? Oooh fuck!” Byron put a hand onto the front of Bogbrush’s jeans. “It’s all wet innit and yer all hard yer dirty sod!”

“D’yer wanna feel me jeans as well?” the offer coming Joel was quite a surprise to Bogbrush, especially as Joel was still trying to keep control of his sphincter.

“Fuck that’s wet and yer’s all hard as well!” Byron sniffed his hand, then licked it.

The situation was infectious, as probably was Byron’s bottom, Joel giggled excitedly like a ten year old and then, totally out of character jettisoned his usual defensive manner by throwing caution and possibly his anal virginity to the wind.

“I ain’t got no pants, put yer hand in me pocket and feel it proper if yer wants!”

“Fuck me!” exclaimed Byron who’s hand moved quicker than the proverbial rat up the proverbial drainpipe, seconds later being withdrawn coated in Joel’s spunk to be dutifully licked clean. “So I’s gotta clean the two of yer up a bit then, that wot yer wants?”

“I’d fucking hoped so.” said Bogbrush having experienced Byron’s tongue before.

“Oh yeah I ‘spect yer did.” Byron smiled. “But we’s can’t do nothing in here unless it’s gonna be gert quick, so’s shall us go to me shed over the way.”

“Wot, where?” asked Bogbrush. “Ain’t nowhere’s else is round yer is there?”

“Yeah there is, it’s me gert secret innit, only for me best mates. It’s on other side the carpark, they council workmen use it, but they ain’t working today so it’ll be alright.” unseen in the gloom he winked, the key being for payment in kind. “See I knows a couple of ’em so’s they’s let us have a key.”

“Oh, oh shit! Now I really needs the fucking bog!” suddenly exclaimed Joel hopping about on one leg.

“Well go on then, us’ll wait,” Byron nodded towards the cubicles, “better watch that the bog seat don’t fall off and that bog paper’ll scrape the skin off yer bum!”

“He’s a bit nervous I’s thinks,” said Bogbrush watching him run in, “first time like.”

To an monumentally explosive soundtrack of defecation the inane conversation about the merits of toilet paper, wearing of jeans without underpants and the rain continued. Eventually a thoroughly, exceedingly, incredibly embarrassed Joel reappeared blatantly playing with himself through his pocket in the hope it might remove the focus from the awful sound effects and council grade toilet paper.

“We all enjoyed that then, ain’t nothing like a good fucking shit is there!” said Byron which only served to heighten Joel’s sensitivities and start Bogbrush giggling again.

“Yer limping a bit,” observed a wicked Bogbrush, “he were right about that bog paper scraping yer bum then?”

“Fucking fuck off!” Joel was now only too well aware that Byron had been quite right as a sheet of cardboard would probably have been more effective both for efficacy and sheer comfort!

“Still,” Bogbrush grinned, “at least yer ain’t got no pants on for them skidmarks!”

“Oh bleeding sod off!” replied Joel.

“Well hurry up, so’s us can get over to that shed before the bleeding rain really starts.” a very excited Byron was already heading for the door.


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