Bog Off
by Tom


Chapter 12: A packet of fish fingers

For the second afternoon running Bogbrush accompanied Kelvin on his journey home, more aptly he was going to act as the lightening conductor should the volatile Doreen be driven to distraction by Kelvin’s latest antics.

“Weren’t that Mrs Wotnot fucking brilliant doing me trousers, they’s better than when I first got ’em now.” said Kelvin looking down to the fastened fly. “And, didn’t she say if I’s lets her have ’em another time she’d try and open up the pocket?”

“I think’s you oughta get her something to say thanks, like flowers or a gert bag of chocolate buttons or something, don’t yer? I mean’s she’s saved yer life ain’t she, ‘cause yer mum would have bloody killed yer wouldn’t her?”

“I’s ain’t being seen with no fucking flowers!” he laughed. “Flowers, me? Bloody give over! Now wot was it old Wilson said, something about Guptha’s rubbish clothes?”

“Oh yeah, I thinks wot he meant was that it’s a pity we’s all so broke that we’s gotta buy the Guptha shit ‘cause it ain’t no bleeding good when yer’s bought it! They must make a bleeding fortune ‘cause most every kid in the school wears that shit!”

“Oh I see’s. Ah but, anyway’s, look yer right about getting her something so can yer lend me a quid or something , I’ll give it back yer knows that.”

Bogbrush stopped walking, it was the way Kelvin had just looked at him. “Kelv, yer a right prick at times ain’t yer, but that’s why I likes yer!”

“Oh fuck, wot is it Bogs, oh fuck… no don’t yer get all like that… oh fuck! Yer knows I’s don’t understand things like this, just fucking shut up, yer knows that don’t yer?” Kelvin blinked then whispered. “But I still want’s you up me bum, I’s really does!”

“Course I does and I’s fucking wants yer all the time, I wanks at night and puts me finger up there thinking it’s you!” Bogbrush sniffed. “Oh Kelv, we both knows we wants something, but us keeps putting it off, where could us do it?”

“Yer’s a gert fucking twatt at times, fucking saying all they things like that, fuck!” Kelvin rubbed his eyes, it had been an exceptionally emotional day. “Oh fuck!”

“Shit! Yer a silly fucker!” now blinking, Bogbrush wasn’t too sure how to handle the relationship side of things either. “Uumm… hey, so wot about doing it in yer shed?”

“Well yeah, but we gotta be sure there ain’t nobody about ain’t we?”

“Give us yer hand.”


“I just wants to bleeding hold it!”

“Not in the fucking road, anyway’s I’s rather yer held me willy!”

“I’s wanna do that when we gets to yer place!”

“Oi! Oi, Kelv hang on wait for I!” the voice from behind belonged to Jason.

“Wot’s he bleeding want?” Kelvin turned. “Sometimes I’s wish he’s just piss off!”

“Wait for I… hey, why’s Bogs coming home with yer again then?”

Fifty yards behind a very breathless Jason was trying to catch up. Having agreed to the very scary meeting with Cilla he had become even more preoccupied with sex than was usual. And, if that were not enough on seeing the two walking ahead he found himself unable to resist pushing for the opportunity to join them should they be contemplating a visit to the infamous garden shed.

“Go fuck yerself!” Kelvin was annoyed to think that Jason might well finish any immediate chance they had of mutual abuse.

“Ah, up yer’s and all!”

“Sod off!”

“Hey Bogs,” said Jason totally ignoring Kelvin, “is yer and him gonna do something, yer knows like wot yer was gonna do yesterday when yer didn’t!”

“Shit, wot? Wot d’yer bleeding mean kiddo?” said Bogbrush, although only too well aware what Jason was alluding too.

Kelvin grinned, but said nothing. Jason was going to pay dearly for the privilege.

“Well wot’s mean then?” reiterated Bogbrush, the fact he had suddenly acquired an erection at the thought of Jason joining them had of course no bearing on the matter whatsoever.

“Uumm..” Jason looked around as he tried to keep up with the forced march.

“I dunno wot he means, d’yer knows Bogs?” said Kelvin trying not to laugh.

“Nah, I’s can’t think of nothing, nah.”

“Well, uumm… well like yesterday when yer was here, yer said yer was, we was… gonna… gonna..” mumbled Jason. “Oh yer knows..”

“Gonna fucking wot?”

Jason wasn’t sure whether he was being deliberately wound up, he looked at Kelvin having finally realised from their strained expressions he was. “Yer sods!”

“So, wot was it us was gonna do then?”

“You… we was…” he didn’t actually want to say it, “was.. gonna wank wasn’t us!”

Bogbrush started laugh, immediately joined by Kelvin, Jason looked flushed.

“Yer a pair of right fucking tossers!”

“Can’t deny that!” said Bogbrush. “Yer really wants to wank with us then?”

“Yeah, I’s does.” Jason was annoyed, yet now having forced himself into the situation he began to realise there was no way out.

“Alright then, after we’ve seen our mum and that,” said Kelvin, “just don’t forget we gotta inspect yer first, that’s wot we said yesterday wunnit Bogs?”

“Too fucking right.” he couldn’t look at Jason in case he started laughing again.

“Oh fuck, I’s forgotten that.” Jason voice had lost it’s edge. “Wot.. wot..”

“Well we ain’t forgot!” Kelvin grinned. “So’s, the sooner us is home and seen her, the sooner us can get down in me shed.”

“Cor Jase, yer’s got me all hard already!” and Bogbrush grinned, he never lied!


Going home meant passing the small rank of shops, the focal point being the corner store which was run by the inevitability heavily tanned gentleman with a strange accent, where equally strangely he had retained the original shop name of Packers, although the locals called it something else! Passing the shop doorway once again prompted Jason to ponder the question of just how could it advertise to be open twenty-five hours a day? Indeed, the betting shop next door appeared always open, but never for twenty-five hours and the overstocked charity shop on the other side certainly wasn’t. The only thing which was, was the telephone box and that was only because the door had been forceably removed by a gang the inebriated youth of the parish who’s football team had lost. Overall it was a vexatious question which would haunt Jason and his limited powers of lateral thinking well into the future.

However, that was all quite immaterial for the aforesaid corner shop was in fact the main focus of nutritional delights to the Twerks family. Indeed, for only that very Friday afternoon on her way home from sorting a delivery of ladies one-size-fits-all crotchless panties at Guptha’s International had Doreen had called in for a quasi-religious frozen meal. And, in fact just before that she had bought a pair herself at the staff price in a sort of semi-fused electric blue shiny material, her hope was it might inspire Wayne to do his weekend duty romantically instead of simply wanging it up and telling her to lie back and think of England!

Needless to say, by the time the boys had arrived home there was no sign of the sexy blue goodies , Jason had been firmly propelled though the doorway into the smoke filled kitchen to take any initial verbal flack. With life on the housing estate being tailored down to a price it was obvious that Doreen’s new easy-access panties would take a greater preference over the nutritional value of the food for the evening meal. Packers probably did have a very elderly packet of actual Bird’s Eye fish fingers somewhere at the bottom of the freezer, but Doreen naturally bought the economy packet of the considerably cheaper generic variety.

Of course, as a sign of true brotherly love Jason was secretly hoping that Kelvin might become involved in another entertaining maternal altercation over the state of his school trousers. Inside the smoke filled kitchen, Doreen with cigarette in mouth stood by the small kitchen table looking menacingly at the inert packet of frozen fish fingers.

“Yer back then?” she looked up, ash fell onto the table. “I see’s yer got Dean with yer again, wonder why? Wot’s happened now?”

“‘ullo.” volunteered Dean thinking he could lighten the mood. “Fish fingers, I likes they as well.”

“Well it’s Friday innit, we has fish on Fridays ‘cause we’s religious ain’t we boys?” she replied, appearing to all intents and purposes in a fairly jocular frame of mind.

“We wot?” Jason looked around, possibly hoping too see a miracle or something.

“Ooh me favourite, wot with beans?” said Kelvin, bravely stepping out from behind Jason. The move allowed her to visually inspect the state of his trousers which after all their abuse earlier somehow managed to look amazingly tidy despite the large protuberance.

“I ‘spect he’s told yer we had a row this morning ain’t he Dean?” she said exhaling a cloud of smoke and looking pointedly at Kelvin. “It was ‘cause yer was bleeding late again wunnit?”

“Yeah, I think’s he said something, yeah.” said Dean nervously not wishing to get too embroiled in what was obviously a running feud.

“Is that the gert big packet mum, ‘cause I’m gert hungry today.” asked Jason eying up the size of the box and having realised that the altercation was for another time.

“Well it’s the biggest they’s had, so count the buggers and see how many there is!” with that she tipped out the frozen contents, some falling in the cigarette ash.

Painfully slowly, Jason managed to reach the figure of twenty. It was indeed the economy size packet, yet not the economy size fish fingers per se, for they were effectively rather juvenile fish fingers coated with brilliant yellow dyed breadcrumbs.

“Now the Jase, show us how clever yer really is and divide that by the four of us, so we knows how many we gotta eat each?” nobody could say Doreen didn’t try, after all she was occasionally on the checkout till at the famed Guptha’s International.

“Oh.. uumm… has I’s got too?” queried Jason, his fingers appeared to twitch as he attempted to work it out, he looked blankly at Kelvin for help, but that was no help.

“Wot about yer then?” she looked at Kelvin.

“Oh bollocks!” he said under his breath and in turn looked at Bogbrush, who by some strange coincidence was also suffering from brain failure.

“We ain’t counting yer bollocks, ‘cause yer’s only got two and we all knows they works don’t us! We’s counting the bleeding fish fingers!” Doreen was becoming slightly annoyed, surely the education system wasn’t that bad and one of them could do such a simple sum.

“Got it! It’s six innit?” announced Jason pushing the six fingers of his hand inside his trouser pocket to feel his juvenile fish finger sized willy.

Doreen was more than a little shocked and it was beginning to show. Educationally things looked very bad. Very bad. Worse than she thought. “So how many bleeding fingers yer got on yer hand then?”

Jason had to look. “It’s five innit?”

“And how many bleeding hands yer got?”

He had to look. “Two innit?”

“And.. so how many bleeding hands has that bother of yer’s got then?”

“Oh… uumm, oh.. that be.. uumm.. two innit? Yeah, two I ‘spose.”

“So how many bleeding fingers has he got when he ain’t got ’em in his pocket playing with himself like he is now!” it was a little below the belt, but her loss of equanimity perfectly understandable for she was beginning to realise the level of illiteracy that prevailed.

“Mum that ain’t fair!” said Kelvin immediately blushing and withdrawing one hand.

“You don’t do the bleeding washing!” she said looking to see that Kelvin’s other hand was as ever, still in the pocket. “And d’yer really thinks I don’t knows yer’s got a gert hole in yer pocket so’s yer can do it all bleeding time!”

Kelvin gulped. Bogbrush cringed. That really was hitting below the belt.

Jason was beginning to looking quite nervous, it wasn’t often Doreen gave them such a hard lesson in simple arithmetic, his brain was stretched. “Oh… is it ten?”

“So if yer adds all yer dirty fingers to his dirty fingers then how many dirty fingers is there?”

“Ah… uumm..”

Yet more ash fell over the bright yellow fish fingers. Doreen disappeared in a cloud of smoke, she genuinely felt utterly ashamed that neither of her two boys could even do a really simple sum.

“I think it’s twenty innit?” said Bogbrush.

“So if it’s twenty,” said Doreen not actually confirming the answer, “and if there’s four of us, how many bleeding fish fingers does us each get tonight then?”

Bogbrush’s fingers twitched, Jason looked hard at the floor and Kelvin trying to redeem himself after the trouser pocket insinuation applied all the brain power he could muster. He quickly failed and decided to hazard an uneducated guess.

“Uumm… well, I reckon’s it’s four innit?”

“Jesus! It’s a good school that innit!” in despair Doreen reached for her packet of Embassy and lighter.

“Ain’t that bad is it?” Kelvin smiled thinking he had got the correct answer.

“If that’s wot he say’s then yer two can have four each then, right? Now bugger off ‘cause I’s got things to do!”

“I’s gonna show him wot I been doing in the shed, that alright mum?” asked Kelvin nodding to Bogbrush, both now firmly under the impression that all was well and they were totally impervious to further criticism.

“Why not!” in desperation and having no desire to know what was going to happen in the shed, although she had a pretty good idea she lit another next cigarette to calm her nerves. “Try counting yer fingers while yer there!”

Out in the hallway Jason was pushed up the frayed stair carpet in front of them, Kelvin turned back to Bogbrush and whispered. “So wot’s think, shall us have him then?”

“Yeah, I’s don’t mind tossing him off, if yer don’t wanna do it!”

“That’s alright, I’s done a lot of that!” he grinned. “Yer can have go, anyway’s let’s get him in the shed, I’s knows mum won’t go in there so we’s be safe like.”

“Oi, Jase,” Kelvin poked him in the back as they reached the landing, “no fucking wanking now yer home, ‘cause yer’s gotta be in me shed in five minutes, right?”

“Oh.” just as on the previous afternoon Jason’s firm resolve to partake had softened, as in fact had his cock, he didn’t sound so enthusiastic. “Oh, yer still doing it then?”

“Course we is and yer ain’t getting outta it this time, ‘cause wot yer really means is… yer don’t wanna show us yer little willy does yer? So, yeah, we’s all fucking doing it and yer’ll be there as well, got it? Five minutes.”

Inside the bedroom, Kelvin had already started to take his trousers off.

“Can’t yer bleeding wait!” Bogbrush grinned and watched closely.

“I can’t fucking get ’em covering in spunk can I? She’ll go fucking mental, so I’ll wear me jeans.” he turned to look for them amongst the pile of clothes on the floor which doubled as his wardrobe.

“Yer hard already!” said Bogbrush gazing at obscenely tenting red striped briefs. “Fuck, yer got me going now!”

“Listen, our mum and dad’s gonna drive over to see me uncle Clive tomorrow afternoon, so’s,” said Kelvin struggling to get his jeans zipped up, “so’s why don’t yer come round about three and us’ll do something.”

“Wot, sorta something?” Bogbrush’s face lit up. “Really do it like? Wot about Jase?”

“He be out, he goes to tiny-tots bleeding football club with his little mate Billie in the afternoon, I reckons they has a wank in the bushes in the park on the way home!”

“Wot we gonna do?” asked Bogbrush, his heart already racing. “Think we could..”

“Well, us could try couldn’t us?” interrupted Kelvin. “Anyhow let’s get in that shed now ‘cause I’s gotta gert idea wot us can do with our Jase!”


Jason feeling very apprehensive and looked distinctly nervous closed the shed door behind him, turning to face his new sexual playmates he received a shock. Neither had their trousers on, although both were wearing heavily stained underpants and judging from the bulging fly’s both were very, very aroused.

“Thought we’s save time, ‘cause we gotta take ’em off sometime!” Kelvin grinned. “Now stand by me, ‘cause we’s gotta inspect yer like wot we said.”

“Hey… uumm, now yer ain’t gonna hurt me is yer?” mumbled Jason, who now in the shed without any escape was deeply regretting his involvement.

“Nah, would us?” said Bogbrush walking round behind him.

“Fuck wot’s that!” Jason exclaimed in panic, Bogbrush was pushing his erection into his back as he tied a very old and grubby junior school scarf around his head as a blindfold.

“Yer didn’t say yer was gonna fucking blindfold me!” he exclaimed in panic

“Just shut up, yer’ll be alright, if yer pulls it off we’ll tie yer fucking arms together!”


“Come on Bogs,” Kelvin was trying not to laugh. “get his bleeding trousers down.”

“No! No!”

“Now fucking shut up or us’ll gag yer as well!”

“Wot’s gone wrong with him, he ain’t fucking hard!” said Bogbrush excitedly having run his hands all over the trousers. “And he were all fucking keen earlier as well!”

“He soon will be!” said Kelvin moving over. “He got a cute little willy if yer can get it up!”

“Fuck off!”

Despite wriggling Jason stood no chance and soon found his school trousers being unceremoniously pushed to the floor to reveal his red and yellow spotted briefs which immediately caused the two older boys to start laughing.

“Like yer pants!” said Bogbrush. “I’s just gonna check ’em out, so don’t worry!”

Check them out he did, rubbing both hands all over them and ending up with an arm pushed between Jason’s legs, the hand facing up to cup his balls.

“Is he got hard yet?” asked Kelvin. “If he ain’t just hold on and keep doing that.”

Very aroused, Bogbrush was shuffling around and nearing the point of involuntary ejaculation for the fingers of his other hand were now tracing Jason’s crack through the spotted material. “Well bloody hurry up, I’s can’t hold on much longer!”

With Jason trembling, not so much in fear as in sexual expectation he shuddered as Kelvin pulled the waistband of the spotted briefs forward and peering down inside, it looked as though something was happening albeit slowly. Reaching down he took the semi-erect cock and started to slowly work the foreskin back and fourth, the results were amazing.

“Now’s he bleeding up!” he turned and smiled at Bogbrush. “Go on Bogs yer can get him undressed proper now, ‘cause we knows wot’s happening next!”

“Kelv… no.. no.. wot yer gonna do.. no.. no.. oh fuck!” even Bogbrush sensed that Jason’s protestations were not entirely genuine.

“We’s gotta bleeding hurry up or I’s gonna cum!” said Bogbrush very roughly pulling Jason’s trousers and underpants off in one swift movement.

“Oh fuck!” reiterated Jason, now only dressed in his grubby school shirt he felt very vulnerable. “Wot yer doin?”

“Close yer fucking eyes, don’t yer dare fucking open ‘em!” said Bogbrush quickly removing the blindfold only to pull Jason’s underpants over his head.

“Fuck! Wot’s that? It bleeding stinks!”

“Keep them fucking eyes closed!” Kelvin and Bogbrush were doing their best not to laugh, it was very difficult.

“Cute little willy he got innit?” said Bogbrush bending down in front and moving the foreskin up and down.

“It ain’t little.” protested Jason.

“Well we’s soon gonna find out, so’s just shut up.” Kelvin looked at Bogbrush and nodded, it was to be Bogbrush’s big moment and quite a surprise to Jason!

Dropping his Guptha’s International semen coloured briefs to his ankles and waddling across the shed towards the wall, Bogbrush’s cock had really twanged into view with such force that it had even flicked drops of precum onto the floor. Taking position leaning against the wall with his arms outstretched and legs apart he looked behind and grinned.


“Now nothing gonna hurt, so just fucking enjoy it!” whispered Kelvin into Jason’s ear as he guided him forward to stand inches behind Bogbrush. “Just wait a minute while us gets proper ready.”

“Wot’s fucking going on?” gasped Jason unaware of the delightful treat that had been devised for him.

“Give it a bleeding rest, just shut up yer gonna find out.” said Bogbrush.

Kelvin meanwhile was sucking his finger, he looked between it and thought of Jason’s erection, there wasn’t that much difference in size and if anything Jason’s cock was probably cleaner of the two!

“Ooooh fuck!” moaned Bogbrush. Kelvin grinned having stabbed his finger between the plump pink cheeks and quickly worked it in as far as the knuckle, briefly sniffing it on withdrawal he again whispered to Jason. “Now fucking enjoy it!”

“Fuck!” cried Jason finding himself thrust forward so his cock immediately filled the warm, slippery void left by the finger.

“Just fucking shag me hard as yer can!” grunted Bogbrush frantically masturbating, precum flying in all directions.

“I fucking know’d yer’d fucking love it, ‘cause yer always was a dirty little sod!” cooed Kelvin encouragingly in Jason ear.


There could be absolutely no doubt that Jason was enjoying the experience as he hammered away. Intently watching from behind Kelvin was determined not to waste the opportunity and without thinking began sucking on the same finger whilst contemplating his younger brothers pink bottom. There was something incredibly exciting about being there especially since Jason appeared so engrossed he had not yet realised that it was Bogbrush who he was rogering!


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