Bog Off
by Tom


Chapter 5: A wooden willy

With Bogbrush escorting Brett back to his house aiming to seduce him in exchange for an old pair of trousers, Kelvin had decided to walk home with Jason, for once peace reigned and it appeared that he did not object to the idea. The reason was very simple, in that after the conversation airing the subject of sexual favours being available in the public toilet, Jason, Brett and Billie just couldn’t stop talking about it. So, Jason had been conscripted to try to find out all he could as to what perverted acts may or not actually take place from Kelvin, who they erroneously assumed would be the font of all such knowledge, although he knew no more than they did.

“Yer, Kelv, wot d’yer knows about wot might happen in that public bog then?”

“Who? Wot’s want?”

Kelvin’s train of thought had been broken, derailed. He had been trying work out how he could secretly roger himself thoroughly with his favourite candle while sharing Jason’s bedroom and not be noticed. To be seen wanking by Jason was one thing, but to be witnessed stuffing the bent remains of seven inches of an unsanitary red wax ex-Christmas candle up his bottom was another.

“Well I means, d’you reckon, uumm.. well blokes does they really put they’s willy’s up bumholes?”

“Wot? Oh yeah.”

Kelvin squeezed the end his cock through his bottomless pocket, it was a very opportune question for he wanted something up his very own bumhole at that very moment, not that he thought himself remotely queer, simply that he really enjoyed the feeling.


“So yer means in that bog, where that bloke or kid or whatever the fuck he is hangs out he’ll do it for a packet of fags?”

“Yeah I ‘spect, that’s wot he said wunnit?”

Jason’s bag was being carried in front of him, a sure sign of an erection.

“Yer hard ain’t yer?”

“Bog off, yeah alright I is,” flushed, he looked over, “and yer’s is as well!”

“But I always is!” he grinned. “So why d’yer wanna know about bum shagging? D’yer fancy it then?”

“Uumm… us just wanted to know, that’s all.” Jason flushed, just how different would it feel to his finger?

“We? Oh, yer means yer little wanking mates Billie and that midget Brett?”

“He ain’t no fucking midget and we ain’t wanking mates!” it was partly true, for until then Brett who was very conscious of his small organ had yet to join in.


Depending on the viewpoint the very frustrated Kelvin was about to either grasp the initiative or make a dreadful mistake. He leant over and whispered. “Well, maybe’s us could fuck us bums if yer really wanted!”

“Wot!” somewhat confused, Jason stopped walking. “Wot? Me?”

Now realising he just might have made a big mistake, Kelvin decided to bluff it out. “I don’t mean like them queers does, but just, uumm.. like we’s brothers ain’t us.. like we wanks don’t us, so uumm.. well us could sorta try it outta a bit like!”

Jason, true to the Twerks family line and being pretty well insatiable when it came to self-abuse rapidly considered the offer. “But, that dirty gert willy of yer’s would bleeding well split me half… nah, I ain’t doing none of that.”

“Then, then ‘spose I lets you put yer nice little clean willy up me instead then?”

“Ohh… I dunno,” that option deserved far more serious thought, “but yer bums all shitty innit… I’s seen them skidmarks on yer pants! Anyway’s me willy ain’t little!”

“Maybe, I’d have a bath!” replied Kelvin, somewhat optimistically since “maybe” was the operative word.

Jason’s school bag was pushed downwards to press on the front of his trousers, he was certainly interested, but needed to negotiate when it came to agreeing sanitary arrangements for Kelvin was notorious for an absolute lack of any personal hygiene.

“Yer’d have to wear some pants with a hole in ’em, ‘cause I don’t wanna look at yer dirty bumhole!”

“Fuck!” muttered Kelvin excitedly under his breath, it seemed Jason had taken the bait and as if to celebrate a bead of precum had just emerged. “Yeah, I could wear something if that’s wot yer wants.”

“Hmmm..” Jason was on the verge of agreeing to the unknown and in the process getting so excited a disaster inside his paisley pants was a possibility, “oh yeah, yer means like where’s us gonna do it and when?”

“Yeah, I ‘spose.”

“But, yer is gonna wash yer bum though ain’t yer?”

“Course I is.” Kelvin smiled. “Now, tell yer wot, when us gets home why don’t us have a nice wank and, and think about the details for later like.”

“Yer alright, but remembers I ain’t sucking yer dirty willy again till it’s had a bleeding gert wash!”

Stupidly believing the question of anal hygiene now settled Jason nodded, for just like just about every other boy he too indulged in post-scholastic self-abuse every day on returning home from a hard day under the desk.


Even a scaffolder’s labourer had to have some perks attached to the job and it was no different for Wayne Twerks who had left work that afternoon with a selection of old scaffold poles and fittings sufficient to cobble together a replacement bed. And, it wasn’t just going to be any old bed made from scaffolding offcuts, it was to be bespoke and designed to be utterly wank proof, something that would hopefully not disintegrate under even the most extreme masturbatory excesses that Kelvin could conceptualise, a long word that he would think referred to a new sexual deviation.

About seven o’clock shortly after the unhealthy evening meal, consisting of sawdust sausages, overcooked oven chips and vast quantities of Kelvin’s favourite baked beans the bad news was broken to him. For he was told that he was going to help assemble his new bed whether he liked it or not and in truth he didn’t like it! He would much rather have been left dreaming of being reamed by Jason’s cute little cock later that evening and to that end had already devised combining a practice run with cursory anal cleansing using a soapy finger in the bathroom.

Leaving Doreen in a fug of tobacco smoke clearing the mismatched cutlery and chipped plates from table, in his very own cloud of smoke Wayne led the way up the stairs with Kelvin trailing behind laden under the weight of scaffold poles, clamps and planks.

“Dad these is heavy.”

“Course they’re bleeding heavy, they gotta be to make yer a bed that won’t fall to bits with all that wanking yer does!”

“Dad!” Kelvin flushed. “Don’t say that out loud it ain’t fair!”

“Look, yer knows yer does it all the time, Jase knows ‘cause I ’spect he does it with you, I bloody knows yer at and yer mother knows ‘cause she’s right pissed off ‘cause you’ve spunked over everything in the bloody house! She says that it’s gotta stop or she won’t do no more washing and I’m bloody sick of her banging on about it!”

“Oh shit!” now a glorious shade of red Kelvin was really, really embarrassed, could he have no secrets!

“Wot’s going on then?” Jason burst into the room, his big ears flapping.

“We’s making his new bed.” said Wayne looking towards the remains of the original stagnating in the corner, the bedding still piled on top as it had been left. “Well as yer’s here yer can help and get all that stuff outta the way while I has another fag.”

“Oh… but..” not too enamoured at being conscripted Jason did though sense there could be further embarrassment for Kelvin since it was more than likely there would be further discoveries of a spunky nature, he immediately set to work moving the smelly mountain of bedclothes. “Cor, this lot stinks dunnit!”

“Shut yer fucking teeth!” hissed Kelvin, by now in no mood to be baited, moving over to theoretically help he tried to hide anything that showed any obvious nightly emissions.

“Cor look at that!” exclaimed Jason on finally getting down to the bottom of the heap and exposing the huge stains on the mattress which to be fair were not all of Kelvin’s making, but of the previous two wet dreaming, bed wetting occupants.

“Bleeding hell Kelv yer really wanks a lot don’t yer!” observed Wayne peering over through the smoke.

“They ain’t all mine!” protested Kelvin, his humiliation almost complete. “It were that Darren that used to piss the bed!”

“Ah, but yer did it as well when yer was younger!” added Wayne just to complete Kelvin’s humiliation.

Understandably Jason started to giggle, but managed to resume work lest he upset Kelvin to the point where the anal favours promised for later were to be cancelled. It was about an hour later before anything approaching sanity and cordial relations prevailed and they were able to stand back to admire their evenings handiwork. Aesthetic it certainly was not, utilitarian summed it up with scaffold poles and planks all bolted together making it virtually bomb proof. Sadly though, it could not be slept on that night as it was short of one coupling which Wayne promised to bring home the following evening, so finally sitting on the one completed end and lighting yet another cigarette he turned to Kelvin.

“Right now don’t break this bleeding thing as well!”

“How!” Kelvin looked at it and laughed. “It’s built like a gert brick khazi!”

“That’s the idea! Yer’ll have to sleep in with him again till I gets the other bit home tomorrow.”

“Alright dad,” mumbled Kelvin, the new style father son relationship that had been so recently discovered was still in it’s infancy, “and… well, thanks for doing it like.”

“Ah, yeah alright,” standing up he stubbed the cigarette out on the dead pot plant which added a homely tough to the window cill, Wayne wasn’t too sure what to say himself in his new paternal guise, so he tactfully concluded, “well yer, well OK… just don’t go wanking all night and breaking more bleeding beds!”


Shortly after Wayne had retired downstairs to sit in front the blaring television with Doreen, Kelvin had left Jason to his own devices, although not as Jason had assumed to watch television the smoke filled living room. Instead he crept outside and headed for the shed at the bottom of the rear garden, locking himself inside he began looking around knowing he had recently seen the very piece of wood that would be ideal to carve the wooden willy from.

The shed had been something of a refuge since he was about ten and had first attempted making things from wood, the suicidal go-cart with the wheels held on by nails being a typical example. However, since then his workmanship had improved considerably as confirmed by his progress in the woodworking classes at school. Of course the shed was not just a workshop for making wooden willy’s for it had served as a place of masturbatory excess since his first orgasms. He had ejaculated in it many thousands of times as the yellowing rags and tissues stuffed into odd crevices along with the considerable staining on the wooden walls and floor testified.

In true Kelvin fashion one thing led to another, for once the carving had begun to take shape it seemed obvious that he should check that the dimensions were more or less correct. Ignoring the overpowering smell of stale semen that arose from the  repulsive lime green briefs that he had worn for the last three days he began to inspect his cock which naturally entailed considerable foreskin manipulation of the frictional variety. It was though at that point a thought occurred to him, a very important thought really, for he had promised Jason he would prepare himself for their anal coupling and ought make the effort toward something bordering on anal cleanliness lest Jason decide to call it off.

On the premise that he may not have actually need the bath nor wanted to venture back indoors, it seemed only logical that there should be something in the shed that might just fit the bill. And, indeed there was, for he had all but just finished making it! What better than a well lubricated, pre-emptive rogering with a beautifully carved wooden willy to clear away any suspect matter from the point of entry? Besides, other than the question of deciding on which lubricant to use it would be a test for any splinters prior to presenting Bogbrush with it for grafting onto one his many imperfect table lamp bases!

Luckily, due to the constant demand for lubricant be it for a very sore cock or anal purposes the shed had a wide selection of products to choose from, ranging from Nivea lotion to Vaseline to Swarfega and everything else in between that an over sexed adolescent could possible desire. It seemed appropriate to use the sweet smelling Nivea lotion as that would hide any bodily aromas and provide the illusion to Jason that he had indeed washed with actual soap.

To test the wooden willy properly really required it to be held in a fixed position and being the grand shed master of many an improvised vegetable dildo, he secured it with a screw to one of the shed uprights which would enable him to reverse onto it leaving both his hands free for obvious reasons. So there it was, dildo organised and well lubricated, school trousers and smelly green briefs around ankles, Nivea lotion thrust up anal tract and clammy hands firmly grasping cock. Wooden willy’s were go!

Pushing himself back onto the finely carved creation he gasped as it entered. He then really gasped as he backed up until his spotty buttocks were against the wooden shed wall! He had discovered the hard way that when fully inserted, quite unlike a bendy carrot the wooden willy was very unforgiving when planted deeply within.

Allowing a few seconds for his body to adapt to the invasion he smeared some of the ever present precum over his shaft and then slowly began to work himself on the wooden dildo. Slowly though, very soon became a little quicker and quicker rapidly became faster, so that in less than minute he was frantically shagging himself, thrusting so hard his buttocks had turned red being rammed back against the wooden wall with every stroke. The downside of such energetic action was that he was unable to hear anything over the combined banging and moaning noises he was making, for there was something else that had just begun bang in unison.

That something was Jason who bored in the bedroom by himself and feeling frisky had started looking for his brother, guessing he was probably in the shed, a place where he on many occasions had added to the staining on the floor. On approaching it he was utterly amazed to hear groaning noises coming from inside and see that the end wall was visibly vibrating! Even being aware that Kelvin would retire there for major bouts of self-abuse Jason began to wonder just what was happening, in turn he began banging on the door only to find even that wasn’t enough to attract the attention of the incumbent. Torn between worrying should Kelvin was in some sort of trouble yet secretly hoping he was engaged in some disgusting sexual act, Jason’s cock had started to harden. So, just what was a poor boy with a growing erection to do other than hope he would catch his elder brother in some perverted act?

Rationally there now seemed little else to do other than to give the door an extra firm push. The door swung open for Jason to be greeted by the sight of Kelvin impaled on the wooden dildo with what appeared to be an unending torrent of sperm shooting from his engorged cock spraying all over the floor and his spunky clothes that were crumpled around his feet.

“Oh fuck!”

Jason’s first thought was that Kelvin was in some bizarre form of trouble, only to quickly realise the only trouble he was in was that he could not stop the flow of spunk, the wooden willy and had all but destroyed his prostate in the process!

“Fuck! Oh fuck!” grunted Kelvin. “Close the fucking door!”

“Wot’s that up yer bum?” exclaimed Jason trying to peer behind Kelvin to see just what it was that was exacting so much pleasure.

“Me wooden willy!” he replied Kelvin with gay abandon. “Just close the fucking door and get yer cock out, yer can fuck me right now when I gets off it!”

“Oh!” Jason was rather thrown, it was all too fast. “Wot now?”

“Fucking yeah, right fucking now!”

Absolutely bereft of any shred of decency, self-control or how utterly demeaning his situation Kelvin slid slowly off the dildo with an audible plop and swivelled around in the pool of semen to offer the optimum view of his gaping red orifice.

Jason realised the opportunity was not to be missed and struggled to pull his jeans down with trembling fingers, he finally succeeded with his cock escaping the side of the paisley briefs and literally twanging into view. Although, if he were honest he was somewhat shocked to be confronted by Kelvin’s pimply buttocks and the dark, cavernous hole which appeared to wink as excess Nivea dribbled back out.

“I gotta put me willy up there!” he said in disbelief pointing and rubbing his cock with his other hand, he moved closer, but not that close to examine the renascent flow of Nivea and what ever else had been flushed out

“Well it’s fucking hard innit?” cried Kelvin desperate to be filled. “Just shove it up!”

“But…” Jason was amazed at himself, for even he had produced a little precum and had only been in the shed for a couple of minutes, “but.. wot’s that fucking slimy.. mucky stuff coming out yer hole?”

“For fuck’s sake, just fucking get it up!” cried Kelvin in desperation. “It’s only fucking hand cream, just fucking get it up, while I reckons I can still cum again!”

As Jason said to himself for the second time, it was definitely not an opportunity to be missed. Taking courage and sticky willy in both hands he waded across the lake of semen on the floor to standing immediately behind Kelvin. Taking a deep breath he violently rammed all of his four inches in as far as it would go redesigning the profile of his hairless balls in the process of going where no willy had been before!

“Yer meant to fuck me not bleeding flatten me!” gasped Kelvin reaching behind and very roughly dragging Jason’s hand around and placing it on his cock. “Now wank me as yer fucking me!”

Jason wasn’t too sure what was going on. For one thing, his balls felt decided tender after being slammed into the disgustingly sweaty crack and remodelled in an oval fashion. Conversely his cock felt quite wonderful even though it wasn’t anywhere the size of the wooden willy which Kelvin’s sphincter had been expecting to return. Nevertheless, despite the surfeit of Nivea lotion the muscle did it’s best to close and grip the invader, although it was probably due more to the excitement of the situation rather than friction for Jason very quickly ejaculated inside his brother.

Against all the odds and sexual activity that had already taken place that day Kelvin’s powers of seminal production had not failed him. For even as Jason was withdrawing his slimy cock, Kelvin’s aching balls were still active and it appeared as though his rigid cock would never stop producing spunk. In a little over the five minutes of very intense sexual activity both brothers had managed to totally exhaust themselves and look an absolute mess in the bargain.

Leaning against the wall on very wobbly legs with indescribable excesses oozing from his hole and slithering down his legs, the hot, sweating, palpitating Kelvin was reaping the rewards of his sexual excess. There was no doubt he was not feeling too well what with aching balls, a very sore cock and his bottom feeling as though it had been turned inside out several times! And, that didn’t include his truly appalling appearance for every item of clothing had been drenched in Nivea flavoured sperm and smelt like it.

“Gor, yer looks totally fucked!”

Jason’s observation wasn’t exactly tactful, but certainly accurate and it has to be said, he hadn’t exactly escaped from the coupling smelling of roses either! He did though look better marginally than Kelvin even if he was he was about to discover his own jeans had fallen into the seminal lake during his few seconds of ultimate joy. There was sperm everywhere and equated in human terms what epoxy resin was to a disjointed joint!

Eventually, awkwardly they limped back to house clutching in turn at balls, cock and buttocks to very luckily make it back up to the bedroom without being apprehended. In fact Wayne and Doreen didn’t even know the boys had been outside such was the visibility through the thick haze of tobacco smoke and the deafening noise from the television. Whilst Jason returned very excited at what he had just achieved and wondering if he would get to repeat the event, Kelvin on the other hand had really exhausted himself mentally and physically to the point where he just collapsed on the bed, his bottom still leaking.

Jason’s euphoric mood continued unabated, finally realising he needed to do something to try to unwind he left Kelvin comatose on the bed and decamped downstairs to watch television. Fondling his unyielding erection through his bottomless jeans pocket as went he arrived in the living room where the tobacco smoke and poor visibility easily disguised the smell and sight of semen which accompanied him.

“Were’s that Kelv then?” shouted Doreen about the television when the commercial break started.

“He’s on his bed.” replied Jason from the sofa.

“Wot he’s at it again?” Wayne laughed, Doreen raised her eyebrows and lit another cigarette in disgust, she had had quite enough of dealing with Kelvin’s deposits.

“Wot’s mean… at wot?” asked Jason who immediately realised how stupid he was having missed the joke.

“Same as wot yer does all the time!”

Wayne grinned and made a finger and thumb gesture, a fact which was not what Jason wished to be reminded of as his brilliant red face confirmed.

“Sorry Jase, didn’t mean to.. to..” the new paternal Wayne stopped, it had been a silly thing to say, “just a joke like.”

At twelve and managing a very, very busy masturbation schedule it was all Jason’s world currently revolved around and whilst Wayne hadn’t mean to embarrass it had.

“Oh Jase, yer a silly bugger.” Wayne brushed the ash off his grubby T-shirt and stood up moving over to sit by the now very unhappy looking Jason.

“It’s alright.”

Beginning to look as though he was going to burst into tears, Jason was unsure how to react to the new hands-on caring fatherly approach. One way and another it had been a very stressful day especially with the anal bonding which was quite an issue in itself.

Appearing to be disinterested and engulfed in a cloud of smoke Doreen sat glued to the television and had no chance over overhearing anything that was to be said between father and son in their latest attempt at the act of bonding.

“Didn’t mean to embarrass yer or nothing.. ’cause see..” began Wayne falteringly, only to then totally destroy the moment by continuing, “thing is Jase, well, wanking ain’t nothing to be embarrassed about see, ‘cause every kid wanks and.. and when I was yer age I was doing it all the bleeding time, lot more than him upstairs!”

Jason’s jaw dropped, he really didn’t want to know that, it didn’t seem right. “Wot!”

“See, I don’t care if that Kelv wanks himself stupid just as long as he don’t get no stupid girl up the spout,” he paused and put his arm around Jason, “well he’s doing that anyway’s ain’t he, I means wanking himself silly!”

Not the brightest, but probably the most luminous of the Twerks family, Jason was having some difficulty in holding it all together and didn’t know what to say at all. Wayne’s surprise show of affection had triggered something and he wasn’t sure what, he blinked back a tear. Wayne, unaware of the emotional effect that he was having nor that his clothing was absorbing some the ample seminal deposits that were on Jason’s clothes, then gave him a paternal hug causing him to immediately burst into tears, break free and run out the room.

Doreen continued to stare at the television oblivious to Wayne’s very best efforts in bonding with his offspring and took no notice when a few seconds later Wayne also went upstairs and found Jason sitting on his bed.

“Look kiddo, I ain’t no good at this bleeding father stuff, yer knows that and… and.. I don’t means to..”

“Yer dad we knows all that!” interrupted Jason. “It’s, it’s just that we’s used to being told to piss off and that.. this.. this.. sorta, sorta hands-on nice daddy thing.. well, well it ain’t wot we’s used too at all!”

“Oh shit!” now Wayne was confused. “So.. well wot’s want me to do then?”

“Well stop bleeding going on about us wanking ‘cause it’s embarrassing innit?” blurted out Jason looking at the floor. “And, and we don’t wanna know about how much yer was wanking when yer was a kid, that ain’t right neither!”

“Oh..” now really, really confused Wayne was at a loss of just what to say for having thought his admission of being a prize wanker would have been impressive in itself.

Jason was pretty flustered, however he soldiered on and tried his best to tell it as it was or at least as he saw it. The problem was he found it very hard to express his true feelings when it came to matters of the heart, something that had never been easy in the Twerks family.

“Look dad we knows yer.. yer.. well yer uumm.. yer.. yer.. loves us..” he stuttered to a stop having finally uttered the L word, something very rarely heard in the Twerks household, “and, well.. yer don’t need to do all this, this nice touchy daddy stuff.. see ‘cause we’d rather have yer like yer was before and just told us to piss off like!”

“Oh fuck!” said Wayne under his tobacco scented breath, now absolutely and utterly confused as to why had he ever tried to express his emotions in the first place.

But, Jason hadn’t finished. a moment later he leapt up, put his arms round Wayne’s neck and kissed him on the cheek. “Now dad, yer gotta just bloody bog off!”

As instructed Wayne stood up and unsure what to do looked down at the comatose Kelvin. “Wot about him?”

Rubbing his eyes and appearing to laugh Jason replied. “He’s alright, he’s just a bit wanked out!”


Inevitably a new morning dawned to find Jason was already up. In fact he had been up all night and had even found himself masturbating at around four in the morning imagining being inside Kelvin again. Drifting back to sleep he was awakened with the clamour of the battered alarm clock, looking over to see that Kelvin had shown no signs of stirring he immediately started masturbating again. In fact, regardless of how many times he had ejaculated the previous night the act was programmed to repeat on waking every morning to take full advantage of the absorbent Ratman and Bobin pyjamas.

Only then would it be time to get ready for school, preferably before his mother came upstairs to hasten matters and Kelvin in particular, along. Wiping the bubble from the end of his cock onto the pyjama jacket he made his way over to the rickety chest of drawers to select some clean socks, the lemon yellow pair, a pure hundred and ten percent nylon pair were aesthetically pleasing. The next drawer revealed a selection of not several, but the one remaining pair of clean underpants, a situation not that unusual and confirming Doreen was yet again behind with the huge amount of washing that was generated on a daily basis.

Courtesy of Guptha’s International the ‘one size fit’s all’ briefs were in an arresting pastel shade of dried urine decorated with cute little pink butterflies, of course being Guptha’s high quality the fly had been sown up by mistake. Thinking of his twelve year old macho image and that the butterflies were a mite feminine, Jason had once queried the girly pattern with his mother only to be impolitely told that the superior workers of Guptha’s third world empire were more than liable to make mistakes and must have mixed the materials up. However, if he preferred they could always be changed for the girls panty equivalent in the football patterned material, albeit with pink lacey edging and gusset for girly type absorbent sanitary accoutrements. Very wisely, he had declined the offer to stick with the butterflies.

Returning across the landing from the bathroom Jason could hear the raised voices of Kelvin and his mother, who it seemed had already started their ritual morning argument about getting up on time. On this occasion it sounded quite heated, in fact it was far more than quite heated, for Doreen was pretty well incandescent with rage and pointing an accusatory finger at Kelvin though the fug of cigarette smoke.

“Yer a dirty little bugger, yer always was,” she screamed, smoke coming from her nostrils like a female fire breathing dragon, “bloody well look at yer school trousers yer’s wanked all over ’em and now yer’s bloody slept in ’em! Yer bloody disgusting!”

Standing, actually propped up by the bed, Kelvin didn’t dare look down, but he could imagine. Jason hovered in the doorway and then retreated back to the safety of the landing. There was no doubt Kelvin had really done it this time for the grey school trousers were absolutely plastered in what could only be dried semen and thus easily identifiable as such at several hundred yards distant.

“Yer bloody disgusting and yer don’t care! Who pays for them school clothes, they’s don’t grow on bleeding trees!” she took a drag on the cigarette and continued. “Wot d’yer think the bleeding neighbours is gonna say seeing yer go off to school like that, that.. that I don’t care wot yer looks like?”

It was a fair point, but Kelvin couldn’t care less what the neighbours thought, a fact he confirmed it by muttering under his breath. “Ah, fuck they neighbours!”

“Just wait, I’ll get yer father to take yer to the doctors he’ll.. he’ll have something to stop yer wanking… yer, yer a dirty little sod!” turning away and stomping towards the door in a cloud of ash and smoke she gave her parting shot. “Well yer just gonna have to go to bleeding school looking like that! Give ’em all a good laugh won’t it and they’ll all know wot yer’s been doing yer dirty sod!”

“Oh fuck!” Kelvin sat on the bed and looked down at the trousers. The pale patches of congealed semen were everywhere and as such would be more than obvious even to the first year boys. Unquestionably a source of major embarrassment the stains could only serve to emphasize his usual bulging state of penile arousal.

“Ain’t never seen her like that before.” Jason rather timidly ventured back into the room. “D’yer thinks they doctor’s really got special pills to stop yer wanking then?”

“Dunno, he might have I ‘spose. Oh bleeding hell, fancy not being able to wank!”

“Cor Kelv, so wot’s yer gonna do if yer can’t wank then? I ‘spose it’ll stop yer going blind wunnit!”

“Ah, bleeding fuck off!”

It was indeed an question which Kelvin dare not even think about!


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