17th January 2006: The first of a short-lived series entitled ‘Dr Wallace’s Casebook’ detailing the sexual quirks of patients I met in my GP’s surgery. This story takes its inspiration from a character in James Herbert’s book ‘Lair’: a man who finds he enjoys flaunting himself after he does so inadvertently when teaching PE.
Dr Wallace’s Casebook
Case 1: The Exhibitionist
A few years ago, a guy came to my surgery and the first thing he said, almost before he’d closed the door, was, “I want you to refer me to see a psychiatrist.”
I guess I just stared at him, taken aback by his abruptness, as he perched himself down in a chair and went on, “You can do that, can’t you? I mean, GPs can refer people to psychiatrists, can’t they?”
I nodded, taking stock of him. He looked quite young for his age – I could see that he was in his mid-thirties from his details on the screen next to me – and had an athletic stature. He seemed very tense, and I put that down to the fact he’d probably been building up to coming to see me like this for some time, but he wasn’t displaying any obvious signs of mental illness.
I said, “I can refer you to a psychiatrist – of course – but you’d have to tell me what it’s about… I’d need to know that that was the best option for you…”
He nodded. “Yeah. I expected having to tell you a few details… but… well… I’m married with a couple of kids… what I say would be absolutely confidential, wouldn’t it?”
I nodded back, lowering my eyes sagaciously. “Of course.”
Confidentiality is my middle name.
He said, looking at my desk, the wall behind me and anywhere except my face, “Well… the fact is… I kind of… enjoy having other people looking at my body…”
Then he momentarily looked at me directly, as though curious as to my reaction, and I noticed he was blushing a little.
“That’s not so unusual,” I said calmly and in a tone I hoped he’d find reassuring. “I imagine most men enjoy having other people admiring their bodies from time to time…”
“Their naked bodies?” he asked.
“Everyone likes to think other people find them attractive, clothed or naked.”
He nodded. “It’s not like I invite it… I mean, it’s usually accidental… especially when –”
“We’re talking here – I’m surmising – about the fact you enjoy deliberately exposing your genitals?” I interrupted, and he nodded, blushing more conspicuously.
With a small cough, he muttered, “It started a few years ago.” Then he paused, perhaps unsure of how much he wanted to tell me. He must have assumed that merely telling me he enjoyed exposing himself would be enough to convince me to refer him elsewhere. “Five maybe. Five or six… something like that…” He tailed off.
I asked, “What happened?” Clearly he was going to need a bit of encouragement.
He looked back up at me. He seemed extremely uncomfortable and his forehead was sweating a little.
“I teach maths – I don’t know if it says that on your screen – and sometimes I run an after-school football club.”
“Well, there was this day when, the lads were getting showered and stuff in the changing room, and I was changing in the teachers’ office which is next door, and…”
He tailed off, blushing again, and barked out, “I don’t want to take up your time. If you think you can’t refer me…”
“I’ll just need more details.”
“But it’s a long story and we’ve only got like ten minutes or so, haven’t we?”
I smiled. “You’re my last appointment and they don’t lock up until after seven… you can take your time.”
He took a deep breath, obviously wondering whether he’d made the right choice in coming to see me. After a good few seconds, he went on, “Okay. Well, while I was undressing, there was this fight – just a scuffle, really – and I had to run into the room to break them up.”
He looked at me again, clearly expecting a shocked response from me, and I shrugged and nodded to show him that I thought what he had just said was eminently reasonable.
“Well I was naked. Or I had my vest on, maybe. I don’t remember. What I’m saying is that my knob was on show…”
He looked quizzically at me again. Again, I just nodded, muttering, “I seem to remember seeing a few teachers’ in the nude when I was at school at various times. I don’t suppose the lads were too shocked… how old were they, by the way?”
“Fifteen or sixteen.” And then, slightly defensively, “We’re not talking about little kids.”
“So seeing an older guy’s penis wouldn’t exactly have been a revelation for them…” I smiled, hoping to lighten his discomfort.
“That’s not the point,” he went on. “The point is that… well… once the fight had been broken up – like I say, it was only horseplay, really – and I’d told them all off for messing around, I noticed them looking over at my cock.”
When he realised he’d said ‘cock’ he was apologetic – as if it was the sort of word that would shock a sweet and innocent GP – but I smiled and gestured for him to continue.
“They really stared at it. And I suppose that’s what started it off…”
“Why would that have started it off?” I asked. “Boys are naturally curious about adults’ genitals…”
“Yeah, I know. But… well… I guess – without sounding too, you know, immodest – ” He paused to throw me a small, rather impish, smirk. “I’m kind of well-built down there.”
I grinned. “They’d never seen one like it?”
“Probably not. I haven’t much experience of other guys’ dicks, but I seem to be about twice the size of the most of the ones I happen to have seen. You know… in the showers and stuff.”
I was quite intrigued by this. “We’re talking about your size limp, are we?”
He laughed. “Yeah! I sure as hell didn’t have a hard-on in front of the football class!”
I nodded. “Okay. So they stared over at sir’s dick… then what?”
“Well I guess I liked it.”
“Liked the attention?”
He considered that for a second and then shook his head. “No… I think it was more than that. I think it was kind of superiority thing. I can’t explain it very well…”
“‘Superiority?’ Because your dick was bigger than theirs?”
He shrugged. “I dunno exactly. I suppose I noticed how much bigger mine was compared with theirs. Yeah… I kind of liked the way that, for all their macho acting and posturing, my big dick put their tiny ones to shame… but I think it was more than that…”
He went on, “I guess I’m thinking that I liked the fact I was impressing them. That they were seeing me in a new light, kind of.”
I nodded. “Not just as their maths teacher but as someone with a sexual dimension?”
“And their obvious interest in that… and maybe their envy of it.”
“So what happened then? After you noticed them staring at you?”
“I pretended I hadn’t noticed and went back to the teachers’ changing room.”
“Did you develop an erection?”
He seemed taken aback by my frankness.
“After what you’ve just said, it would seem natural that you would,” I added.
He thought carefully about his response.
“Actually, I don’t think I did. Not immediately. But a few days later one of the lads made a joke in class about it. We were running through a maths problem – kind of like, ‘My shadow is four metres long when the sun is sixty degrees in the sky. How long am I?’, and one joker said, “About nine inches, sir, or so I’ve heard.”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
He chuckled too, but his eyes betrayed some of the consternation he’d felt about having that said to him as a teacher. “The class went nuts. Obviously everyone knew about the size of my cock and had been talking about it.”
I nodded. “So what did you do?”
“I suppose I must have blushed, because someone else said, ‘I wouldn’t be embarrassed about it, sir, if I were you. I’d be proud of it.’ Which caused even more laughter.”
He continued, “I calmed them down and they got on with some work. But I couldn’t help notice one or two of them glance at my crotch when they thought I wasn’t looking, and realised how fascinated by my cock they were.”
“And you developed an erection?”
He nodded. “Gradually, yeah. I wouldn’t have expected myself to, but I did.”
“Why wouldn’t you have expected yourself to?”
He laughed. “Would you have? Having a class full of lads in front of you, knowing they were thinking about your dick and maybe wishing they had one like it… would you have thought that would turn you on?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. But their interest and envy must have been quite appealing to you, and I would imagine that could easily manifest itself sexually…”
He didn’t reply to that; he seemed to consider it and nodded slowly.
“So how did you conceal your erection?” I asked.
He dismissed that with a grin and a small wave of his hand. “You learn a few tricks over the years, you know…”
“Actually I don’t. I wish I did.”
He chuckled. “There are ways of positioning it so that it doesn’t show. Pretend you’re fishing for something in your pocket and push it beneath the waistband of your briefs. That kind of thing.”
I smiled. “Okay. So you managed to conceal it… what happened after that? Did you masturbate about it afterward?”
Again he seemed a little surprised that I was being so direct with him.
“I dunno… maybe. But not right away or anything. Maybe a few days later.”
“Did it feel wrong to do that?”
He shook his head. “Not really. I’ve always enjoyed having a big dick: enjoyed having girlfriends tell me how much bigger it is than other guys’ dicks; and having my wife tell me how much she likes it. So I guess I just saw it as an extension of that.”
“Did you think about your students’ smaller dicks while you masturbated?”
He looked shocked. “Of course not! I’m not a paedophile!”
“I wasn’t suggesting that you were. I was wondering, actually, if you may be experiencing an emergence of homosexual feelings?”
He shook his head. “I don’t think so. I mean, I have considered that. But I don’t have any desire to have sex with – or even touch in a sexual way – another guy. I just don’t think it’s that.”
I nodded and asked, “Would you be ashamed if you did have those desires?”
“Not especially,” he replied, shrugging. “Let me tell you about something that happened a few years ago. I went into a public toilet for a piss and there were loads of guys standing at the urinal. I went and stood alongside them – at the time, it didn’t occur to me why it might be so crowded – and pulled my dick out. Of course they were there to pick other guys up and, when they saw my dick, they got quite interested in me. I liked their attention… I liked having them looking at me and seeing them getting hard as they got off on how big my cock is… but then one of them knelt down to suck me and… well…”
“I just got out of there.” He laughed incredulously. “I just fucking ran!”
Then he apologised again for his language.
I smiled. “Why did you run?”
“I dunno. I suppose I just didn’t want some guys’ mouth around my cock. It really repulsed me.”
“Was he a repulsive-looking guy?”
“No… I don’t remember exactly. I think he was just an average-looking bloke like me. I dunno… it wasn’t how he looked that freaked me out, it was the fact he was a guy…”
I paused and considered what he was saying. “Okay. So let’s say you’re not gay or bisexual… what happened next – after your accidental exposure in the changing room?”
“Well, the next time was an accident too. The first few times were, actually.”
“I was with a group of first or second year boys, warming up with them before football, and… well… it was my mistake. I’d forgotten it was football after school and I’d worn my boxers instead of briefs. While I was squatting down to stretch my thighs, my dick flopped out through the leg of my shorts.”
“Same response from the boys?”
“They were younger so there was a lot more giggling.”
“And you enjoyed it?”
“No! I was mortified. I really felt bad about it. But then…”
He seemed uncomfortable again.
“Then?” I prompted.
“Well, I noticed one of them had sprung a stiffie because of it. His shorts were tenting up.”
“What did you do?”
He laughed hollowly. “What do you think I did? Got him out of there before his mates noticed. Told him he might like to go and get a drink of water to calm down if he couldn’t stop giggling. Gave him the chance to splash a bit of cold water on it.”
“But the fact your dick had turned him on was significant…?”
“Of course it was! I loved it! Maybe it’s the result of a mid-life crisis or something, but the idea that my cock could be so appealing and cause so much interest… well… it’s pretty flattering.”
I smiled. “Did you develop an erection yourself?”
“Did you masturbate?”
He hesitated. “Yes.”
I nodded. “Even so. What you’re telling me so far is completely understandable.”
He looked dubious. “But a bit weird all the same.”
I considered that. “I suppose I’m not comfortable that you enjoyed exposing yourself to your students, but since both occasions were accidental and you were careful to hide the fact you enjoyed it from them, I wouldn’t call what you did ‘weird’.”
He said, “But you can’t tell me that it’s not weird to be making love to your wife while at the same time you’re getting turned on by the fact that those boys were so impressed by the size of your cock…?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know if it is. Some men like to be the best among other men. You know, to have the fastest car, the biggest house, the most exotic holidays. There’s an obvious sexual competitiveness underlying all of those. Maybe your pleasure at finding that you have the largest dick among other males is just a manifestation of that…?”
He looked unconvinced but nodded all the same.
I asked, “Is it always younger men who you expose yourself to, albeit accidentally?”
“Not always. The first few times involved lads because I work in a school, I guess. But once it got started, once the attraction of it had caught hold, it started happening in other situations. Situations I’d have found pretty unremarkable beforehand.”
“Well… I dunno…” He glanced distractedly around the room as though trying to spot something to jog his memory. “Erm… this isn’t such a good example… but there was the camping holiday we went on with my wife’s sister and her husband.”
“Dave and I had to share a communal shower – it was the way the campsite was set up. Well, Dave had a dick you could hardly see without a magnifying glass… I mean, when it was limp it just didn’t even register.”
He smiled and I said, “Go on…”
“Well, we had to shower together for the few days we were there. We’d just stand there, washing and chatting, with it all on display.”
“And Dave threw you more than a casual glance?”
He laughed. “Too right! His eyes were out on stalks! I swear that by the third day he couldn’t take his eyes off my cock!”
I smiled. “And you, I suppose, were more than happy to flaunt it?”
He laughed. “It had never been so thoroughly washed in its life! It was soaped down from every angle possible!”
“You put on a show for him?”
“Yeah… I suppose I did. I really enjoyed the fact his was maybe a couple of inches long while mine flopped against my thighs, halfway to my knees. That really appealed to me, so I guess I milked it.”
“And how did Dave respond?”
“Well, for the first few days he just stared at it, totally fascinated, but on the last day he developed a hard-on. It wasn’t huge, but it was a vast improvement on the limp version.”
“Did he seem embarrassed?”
He smiled. “Of course he did! He kept trying to conceal it – you know, turning his arse to me – and then he left the shower with his shampoo positioned ‘casually’ in front of it.”
I chuckled. “You enjoyed that a lot, I bet.”
He smiled more broadly. “Yeah. After he’d gone, I got hard myself.”
He nodded. “Only while the coast was clear.”
I asked him, “Can I try something? Let’s say that Dave, after developing an erection, seemed perfectly comfortable with it. As if brothers-in-law showering together with hard-ons was the most normal thing in the world. How would you have responded?”
His reaction was instantaneous. “I’d have pissed off out of there.”
“Because I’d have thought he was coming onto me.”
I nodded. “I thought as much, but I just wanted to ask you.”
“You still think I might be a closet gay?”
I shrugged. “It’s a possibility, though it now seems very unlikely.”
“The thought of doing anything like that with Dave,” he said, “really turns my stomach.”
“But the thought of him getting turned on looking at your dick does the opposite?”
He nodded slowly. “Very much so.”
I tried, “If you knew that he masturbated thinking about your dick, what would that do for you?”
He shrugged. “To be honest, I kind of assume he does.”
“And the boys in your football class? Do you think they do too?”
“Probably some of them.”
I smiled. “Okay. Let’s try something else. Everyone has a favourite fantasy they enjoy reliving the most. In relation to what we’ve been talking about, what’s yours?”
He seemed to consider several possibilities for a few moments and then settled on: “I suppose it would have to be the staff-versus-students football match.”
“Do you want to tell me what happened?”
“Well, not a lot, really. And like most of these situations, it just sort of came about by chance.”
He paused, perhaps indulging himself a few lingering memories of what happened, and I waited for him to continue.
After a few seconds, smiling slightly, he went on, “It was more of a five-a-side game, really, so after the match there was just a handful of staff sharing the shower room with a few of the lads, mostly sixth-formers.
“The shower room was one of those open, communal affairs and I was really enjoying the fact that everyone was noticing my cock while trying to pretend not to. I was getting off on it a bit, and I allowed my cock to grow a little. Not enough to be obvious, but enough to look really long and thick while still hanging down. You know what I mean?”
He laughed, “The thing was like a third leg, but I just stood there, showering, as though I was totally oblivious to it; as if I hadn’t even noticed that my cock was so much bigger than every other guy’s standing around me!”
I smiled. “Go on…”
“Well, eventually, one of the lads saw me looking at him while he was checking it out, and so he made like he’d just spotted it. He cracked some joke about it; something about how I probably couldn’t find a jock-strap big enough to hold it. Then the rest of them pretended that they’d only just noticed it and took a few minutes to stare at it, saying how big it looked.”
“And how did you feel about that?”
“I liked it. I think I only felt embarrassed about the attention it got on the first few occasions people saw it. Once I’d got used to their responses, I could pretend like it was wasn’t a big deal and just enjoy the fact they were staring at it.”
“So what happened then?”
He looked back down at my desk, smiling slightly and clearly relishing the memory of what had happened. “One of the lads said that it looked a lot bigger than the cock of the guy who supposedly had the biggest in the sixth-form; this lower-sixth rugby player called Addams. Addams was apparently eight inches limp – they’d measured it in the showers after a match. You know what lads can be like. Mine was estimated – and not just by the boys, but a couple of my colleagues were interested enough to chip in – at being closer to ten.”
“Were they envious of your size?”
He nodded. “I think there was a bit of that, but it was pretty humorous and good-natured.”
He went on, “The best part – the part I like most – was when one of the other staff said that he’d always, up until then, thought of himself as being pretty well-hung. I don’t know the guy too well – he’s a newly-qualified Physics teacher, I think.”
“Well everyone laughed and then someone suggested that the two of us should stand up close to one another so that his cock was right next to mine. I didn’t expect him to agree – after all, his cock was dwarfed by mine – but he did, and –”
“Weren’t you afraid that you’d develop an erection?” I interrupted him.
He shook his head. “The situation was turning me on, yeah, but I was in control. I knew I could control it. I mean, if for a second I’d have thought I was going to get a hard-on, I’d have just made some joke about them being immature, or something, and got out of there to wrap a towel around myself.”
I nodded. “Okay… so you got up close to him…”
“Yeah. That was the best bit. I mean, his cock wasn’t small – I’d say maybe seven inches long or something – but next to mine, it looked pathetic.
“One of the lads – a tall guy with a cock of about three inches – said, ‘Your football skills might not be the best, Mr Jones, but your knob beats the rest of ours hands-down!’
“And I grinned and then we talked about other stuff, while everyone kept taking sly glances at my cock.”
“And what about afterward?” I asked.
He seemed puzzled. “We got dried.”
“No – I mean, did you masturbate?”
He smiled. “Of course. When I got home. I still think about it… pretty regularly.”
“Can I ask you something?” He nodded. I went on, “If you’d have been surrounded by naked girls and female staff in the showers that day, instead of males, do you think you’d have developed an erection?”
He laughed. “Of course I would have! Any guy would have!”
He looked at me incredulously, like the question was absurd. “Because they were naked women! What do you mean?”
“Would you have been aroused because they were impressed by the size of your organ?”
He shrugged. “I dunno. I guess there’d have been a bit of that. But come on, doc, if you were placed in a shower full of naked women, it wouldn’t be the size of your own cock you’d be focussing on, would it?”
I nodded. “But placed in a shower full of men, it is…?”
He shrugged like this whole discussion was pointless. “Of course. I’m not likely to get turned on by their bodies, am I?”
“So what you’re saying is that it’s the direct comparison between your organ and other men’s that provoke so much interest in you?”
He nodded. “And the fact they’re impressed by it.”
“And aroused by it?”
He smiled. “I guess I like that too. Or maybe my self-esteem does.”
“Are you ever tempted to expose yourself to women?”
He shrugged. “Not really.”
“But you’ve recently started doing it – deliberately – with other men?”
I could see he wasn’t happy to admit to that. “It’s not always deliberate – like I said, usually –”
“But sometimes it is?”
He shook his head. “I’m not as careful as I used to be about hiding my body – I’ll grant you that. I mean, take the staff-versus-student football match – a few years ago, I wouldn’t have dreamed of showing myself off like that. But I don’t deliberately expose myself at school.”
“So give me an example of when you did.”
He shrugged again, considering possibilities. “I dunno. I guess I like standing next to rows of men in the gents, taking a piss. Everyone checking each other out.”
“That’s hardly exposing yourself, though, is it?”
“I don’t go down the local woods and pull my cock out for little boys, if that’s what you’re asking…”
I smiled patiently. “I wasn’t. But you said you occasionally, deliberately, show other men your organ…”
He took a deep breath and thought about a reply.
At length, he said, “Okay. A few months ago, I had to go on a course with a younger member of staff. He’s a cocky little squirt, and I wasn’t too pleased that we had to share a room. I suppose, over those couple of nights, I deliberately showed myself off a bit…”
“To piss him off. And… of course… to entertain myself.” He smirked.
“What did you do?”
“Well, the first night, as we undressed, he clearly wanted me to see his cock, maybe thinking himself pretty well kitted-out. He was nicely built, I’ll grant him that, but was easily a good couple of inches shorter than me and nowhere near as thick. I suppose he wanted to show the older guy what he was made of, and kind of flashed it a little before he pulled a pair of night-shorts on.”
I smiled. “And then you showed him your response?”
He chuckled. “In spades. I mean, he could see as soon as I took off my trousers, from the sag of my briefs, what was coming.”
He added, with a grin, “I go through pairs of briefs pretty quickly!”
“And when you took them off?”
“He just stared at it. For the first couple of seconds at least, he made no attempt to hide his amazement.”
I laughed. “And you gave him plenty to see?”
“Jesus, yeah! I paraded around the room! I mean, I was chatting casually, brushing my teeth and stuff, while my cock slapped around on my thighs and he kept taking what he thought were discreet glances at it.”
“And you kept it up the whole time you were in the room together? Deliberately?”
“Yeah,” he grinned. “I was definitely deliberate about it. When I dressed on a morning, I’d put my vest on first and then a shirt, letting my cock hang down from beneath the bottom of it, chatting away but watching him watching it. Then I’d bend for my socks and let him see it dangling low between my thighs beneath my arse. Then I’d make it swing like a pendulum as I pulled on my socks. And then, and only then – with him trying to seem cool but hardly able to take his eyes off it – would I pull on my briefs.”
I laughed. “You tease you!”
He laughed back. “It was fun!”
“Was he aroused by it?”
“I think so. I know he’s got a girlfriend, but I heard him wanking in the shower on both mornings we were there, so I guess I stirred something in him.”
“Have there been any other examples of this kind of thing?”
“The odd few.”
“Do you want to tell me another?”
He shrugged. “Okay. When my wife’s brother came to stay with us, I deliberately left the bathroom door open while I was taking a shower and didn’t pull the shower curtain.”
“Well I timed it so that I’d be in there when he woke up. After a few minutes, I saw him looking in at me; looking at my cock.”
“Like he was meant to.”
He went on, “I called out, ‘Feel free to come in if you need to take a piss, mate.’ He did and while he stood pissing at the toilet, we chatted. He kept glancing over at my cock, trying to make it look like he was just casually looking around the room.”
“Did he like what he saw?”
“Well I noticed it was a lot bigger than his, and I think he was semi-hard by the time he finished pissing but I couldn’t swear to that.”
“Okay. Any other occasions that spring to mind?”
He seemed reluctant to offer any more examples. He said, “Well they all become much the same. Different people, similar situations.” He paused and then went on, “Except for one, but I was kind of saving it for the psychiatrist…”
He shrugged. “I dunno. I suppose I’m kind of ashamed of it. It was something I shouldn’t have done but, at the time, I couldn’t really help myself.”
“Well, at the moment I’m thinking a referral to sexual psychologist would be the best. I know just the right guy, actually. But if things have happened which are more serious than the examples you’ve given, then I’d like to know about them. A psychiatrist might, after all, be the best option…”
He thought about that for a few moments. Then he said, “Well, no-one was hurt or anything. It’s not serious in that sense. It was just… well… something I suppose I’m pretty embarrassed about…”
“I don’t mind if you’d rather not tell me.”
He shook his head. “No. I’ve told you the rest. It’s not like it’s some huge revelation anyway. It’s just… well… a bit weird…”
For a couple of moments I didn’t say anything. I wanted to give him his own space to tell me.
After that short silence, he went on, “Well, a month or so ago, the men’s toilets at the school were renovated. It was supposed to happen in the holiday but there was mix up and –”
“I thought you said nothing else deliberate happened at school.”
He looked at me defensively. “Well, this did.”
Then he went on, “The room is pretty small – there are a couple of urinals and washbasins, and a cubical with a toilet in it. There must be forty or fifty men on the staff so you can imagine it gets pretty busy in there at break-times…”
“Anyway they’d taken down the walls of the cubical and removed the door – they were sheets of… what do you call it… formica… or something?”
“Kind of like hardboard,” he explained.
“Okay. I get the picture.”
“Well, the toilet was just there on its own in the room with nothing around it. I went in to take a piss just before break and the room was empty. I thought, ‘Jesus, that’s pretty bad. If anyone needs to take a crap, they’re not going to get much privacy.'”
He paused, clearly waiting for a reaction or to be prompted. I said, “And then you thought you might just do that…”
He blushed for the first time in over half an hour. He looked genuinely ashamed of himself.
He said, quietly, “I couldn’t stop myself. That’s actually why I came to see you. At the time I enjoyed it so much, but afterward… well… I just haven’t been able to look anyone in the eye…”
I nodded. “Okay. So what actually happened?”
He took a deep breath. “I pulled down my trousers and briefs, and sat on the toilet. I didn’t actually take a crap – that would have been disgusting – but I just sat there like I was going to.”
“And your dick?”
“It was big enough to hang over the edge of the seat. To be honest, even as I waited for someone to come in and imagined their response, it was becoming semi-hard.”
He looked up at me and added, blushing again slightly, “I actually withdrew my foreskin over my bell-end to really emphasize how big it is… I wish I hadn’t done that now…”
“I dunno… I just think maybe it made it looked more staged.”
“Okay. What happened when someone came in?”
“Well, he was apologetic but I just shrugged like I didn’t care. I said something like, ‘Sorry, mate, but they’re halfway through fixing this place up… I just kind of got caught short!’ The guy laughed and said ‘No worries’ – I think he was one of the caterers – and went to take a piss.
“He couldn’t stop looking at my cock – I think that’s what made me stay seated on the toilet. When I’d first sat down, I’d just intended to sit there until someone came in and then pretend to clean up and flush. But the way he looked at my cock – and then the sight of his at the urinal looking smaller than my bell-end on its own – well… I just stayed put.”
“Do you think it was obvious that you were semi-erect?”
“I don’t think so. The end of it was floppy enough to hang over the edge of the toilet seat. I suppose you’d have to know my cock pretty well to be able to tell that it was much bigger and thicker than normal.”
“How big was it in this state?”
“I don’t know exactly, but I’d say well over ten inches long and… well…” He glanced at my forearm, before continuing, “As thick as your wrist.”
I grinned. “That’s pretty impressive. I can see why you’d want to show it off, but I don’t think it was a good idea doing something like that in front of your workmates.”
He blushed again. “Yeah, I know. I hadn’t intended to do it. It just got out of hand.”
“More people started coming in?”
He chuckled dryly. “The place became crowded. Guys I’ve known for years were coming in, standing to take a piss and looking down at my cock that must have been two, three or even four times the size of theirs.”
“Do you think they suspected you were aroused?”
He shook his head emphatically. “No! Really, I don’t. I mean, my face must have been scarlet and I was apologising profusely. They were saying, ‘Don’t worry about it, mate’ and, ‘It’s not your fault. They shouldn’t have taken the cubical apart just before break-time’. Stuff like that.”
“But all the time you were enjoying it?”
“Part of me, yes. Enjoying their interest – their fascination – with my cock. I mean, most of them just know me as the quiet Maths teacher who keeps himself to himself at work – a total nonentity, basically – and yet now they could see, between my legs, the kind of cock that most of them would die for.”
“Penis size is so important, is it?”
He sneered. “People with small cocks say it isn’t, that it’s what you do with it and all that crap, but you show me a guy who wouldn’t give his right arm for a cock the size of mine…”
“Okay. So you caused a lot of interest?”
He smiled but behind it was the same shame that he’d shown when he’d started telling me this part of his story. “Let’s just say, most of them lingered. Some of them struck up conversation with me to give me the chance to get a longer view of me.”
“Did you stay there the whole of break-time?”
“Most of it. Until it had quietened down and I had the chance to pull my trousers up without anyone noticing that I was hard.”
“You were fully hard by the time you did?”
He shook his head. “Not fully. I have to be really aroused for my cock to actually stand upright. But I was hard enough for it to stick pretty prominently outwards from my balls and for my bell-end to be the size of… I dunno… maybe a small apple or something.”
“And you’re sure no-one saw you were in that state?”
“They saw the maths teacher sitting on the toilet openly showing off his fucking enormous cock!” he barked. “Isn’t that enough?!”
I said gently, “I just think it gives you a lot of explaining to do if they knew you were aroused by what you were doing. If they didn’t realise that you were, what you did might seem a bit eccentric, but at least it can be explained by having a particularly upset stomach just at that rather unfortunate moment when the cubical had been dismantled…”
He thought about what I’d said and took a few seconds to calm down. Then he said, more evenly, “I don’t think they did. They just saw it was big, they wouldn’t have known how excited I was.”
“Okay. You said you’ve felt embarrassed about this: did that prevent you from reliving it while you were masturbating in the days afterward?”
He shook his head. “No, I’ve wanked and thought about it. I mean, it embarrasses me when I’m feeling… you know… practically minded. I realise then what a weirdo I must have looked. But when I feel turned on… well… anything goes.”
“Yeah. That’s what’s worrying about it.”
I glanced up at the clock and saw that it was after seven o’clock. I was surprised that security hadn’t banged impatiently on the door.
“We’d better leave it there,” I said. “It’s getting late. I’m going to refer you to the sexual psychologist after all and he can decide whether or not he wants to involve someone else. I’m assuming here that you’d prefer a male psychologist…?”
I stood up to get my jacket on and he did too.
He said, “Thanks for listening to me, Dr Wallace. I think just talking about it has made a lot of difference and some of the stuff you said – the way you put it – made a lot of sense.”
I smiled. “Thanks, but I wouldn’t dare to advise you. You’ll have to talk to the psychologist for suggestions about where to go from here.”
As I opened the door to show him out, I said, “You’ll get a letter from him over the next week or so suggesting a time for the appointment.”
I heard later that a letter had been sent three times, but had remained unanswered.
Since the guy never returned to my surgery and I never heard any more about him, I assume that he managed to get his – shall we say – ‘habit’ under some sort of control.
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