The Journey of Jacob and Kyle
by Andrew Davis
Chapter 10: This Cold Heart
Time line: Monday
Jacob continued to toss and turn throughout the entire night; he was unable to stop his mind from thinking about the words that were so eloquently written across that simple little piece of paper. It deeply bothered him that his mother could somehow believe that he and Matthew were defective or even broken. It was like being stabbed in the heart, repeatedly, with a sharpened knife; it hurt him immensely, and made him feel abandoned and unloved. In his desperation, unable to sleep, he tried to figure how his mother could be so oblivious to think that they could be fixed by some kook in a suit. He wasn’t going to be having any of that; there was no way he’d ever to be forced, against his will, to speak to some psychiatrist.
As he analyzed her possible reasons within his mind, he concluded that his mother had no clue whatsoever; she obviously had no idea what it was like to be him or Matthew. If for whatever reason she couldn’t see what they held was nothing but love, and not some sick and twisted fantasy, she might see the light, but hopes were hopes for a reason. ‘I’ve found love and so has Matthew. There’s no way in hell she’s ever going to change my heart, or mind, for the heart never lies,’ Jacob concluded with conviction in his heart. Finally, after much deliberation and thought, exhaustion had set in and he slowly fell away into unconsciousness.
Thirty minutes later, Jacob’s eyes flew open once again. He was exhausted and extremely frustrated by his lack of sleep thus far. Nevertheless, he looked towards his alarm clock, read the current time of four-twelve in the morning, and knew he wasn’t going to be able to wait until morning to take a leak. He wished his body would let him sleep. Between trying to shut off his brain, and now needing to pee, he was too tired to fight the urge. Grudgingly, he pushed away the covers resting over his body and made his way out and into the hallway towards the bathroom.
Following a long-winded pee, and having given his boyhood a firm shake, he walked towards the mirror and looked at the reflection glaring back towards him. His face looked oddly distorted, unfamiliar, and in that moment a migraine kicked in and the thoughts that had been whirling throughout his head became too unbearable; the pain throbbed and intensified within his cranium with each passing second. Never in his fourteen years had he felt this amount of pain; it was sharp as a knife, and made him wince by the ever-increasing pressure building up in his head. As the pain became too excruciating to contain, he cried out and in that second, he lost all self-control. His headache left his body completely in that instant. He was without words, completely and utterly furious with his mother and her absence of support, love, and lack of caring to say goodbye in person. The letter had been the last straw and he was ready to write her off as some conniving little bitch, then his lips spit out the words, “FUCK HER!”
Jacob’s emotions quickly took hold, and every ounce of control he’d ever had was lost in that moment; he was consumed with rage, his face turning redder by the second. He would never have believed his mother could be so ruthless, let alone juvenile, had he not seen it firsthand. She was now lost without a paddle, without any hopes for forgiveness, she had dug herself a grave and now she was to lie in it and wither away.
Things had turned out far worse then he’d ever imagined, and in his rage he desperately wanted to punch something – a wall, a door, her face, it didn’t matter anymore, anything to reach out and cause pain in order to break through his own shattered, broken heart.
As his heart ached within his chest, he returned his gaze towards the reflection in the mirror, and before his very eyes, he watched as his heart broke into a million pieces. In that instant, he lashed out with clenched fists and struck the mirror that lay in front of him; but it did not shatter, nor did it break. Jacob gave the mirror a look of confusion and wondered why it hadn’t broken. Nevertheless, this didn’t faze him one bit and he clenched his fist once more and attacked it with more fervor, but yet again, it didn’t break, nor did it shatter. Then it became eerily quiet as Jacob realized his reflection was glaring back at him. He would soon realize that this wasn’t his own reflection he was seeing, but rather something else.
Jacob’s eyes stayed transfixed on his self-representation, even when his reflection extended out a hand and touched the opposing side of the glass, he didn’t flinch. However, that didn’t stop him from going into shock by what was happening in front of his eyes, even with what happened next. His reflection began speaking directly to him.
“Jacob, I don’t see you through your mother’s eyes. You’re not broken, and you simply can’t break what doesn’t need to be broken.” The reflection pointed to the mirror, suggesting why the mirror had not shattered, then continued. “This is who you are and nothing can ever change this. But let’s say that you’re exactly who God intended you to be, and do me one favor; listen to what your father has been telling you.”
In the conclusion to those words of wisdom, something unexpected happened. From the hands of his reflection, a bright blue light emanated and shot him clear across the room into the closet door.
Jacob swiftly sat up in his bed; feeling confused and disoriented. He quickly looked towards his alarm clock, and read four-twelve in the morning. The sight of the current time made Jacob’s hair stand on end, mostly because in his dream it was also four-twelve in the morning. This frightened him a bit, and caused him to return his head underneath his covers.
In this moment of fear and uncertainty, he wasn’t sure what was real and what wasn’t. The dream was all too real, too vivid in his mind, and he needed to be sure he wasn’t still dreaming. A quick pinch to his left arm made sure that this was indeed reality, but as he did so, he felt a sharp pain radiate down the full length of his arm. ‘It was all just a dream,’ Jacob concluded, as he began analyzing the events that had transpired within his dream.
Even though he knew it was a dream, he was still freaked out by it, and remained hidden under his covers petrified with fear, all the while trying to figure out this strange dream. Jacob figured that he was filled with a thirst for blood and being so consumed by his angry, violent thoughts, that he had clouded his own natural disposition to be understanding and logical. His true persona knew without any doubt, that no matter how his mother saw him, he couldn’t be broken by the mere image she tried to project on him, or Matthew.
While Jacob continued to analyze deeper, he started to remember the words that his reflection had said, ‘listen to what your father has been telling you’. He gave serious thought in remembering what his father had really said to him about his mother, until lightning struck and it all came flooding back into his fragile mind. ‘I’d truly hate to see something bad happen before she wakes up. Please give her some time. She’s speaking out of pure lunacy, but she still loves you boys very much.’
Jacob wondered if there was any truth in those simple statements. After all, his father had lied not only to him, but to Matthew as well, about what had been written in that now infamous letter. Jacob soon came to reason that it possibly wasn’t his father’s intention to lie, but to merely embellish the truth a little; and who knew, maybe his mother had said some other things that he wasn’t even aware of.
As the thoughts whirled in his head, consuming him more and more, his body sent its usual signals that he truly needed to pee, and soon or risk peeing the bed. However, Jacob didn’t want to get out of bed just yet; he was still too afraid to leave the confines and safety of his covers. His dream had startled him down to his core and he was deeply bothered by his own actions within it. After all, he’d attacked the mirror with his own two hands, and that just wasn’t him at all – he’d never do such a thing. Nevertheless, when his bladder reminded him with another urge to pee, he knew he couldn’t delay the inevitable anymore and would need to do something about it.
He swiftly grabbed a hold of his wiener, held it firm to prevent any accidents from happening, and tried to psych himself up to leave his bed. By the time two minutes had passed, he knew he couldn’t wait a second longer. In quick succession, he threw the covers away from his body and darted for the light switch that lay beside his bedroom door. He felt safer in the light; somehow, he had regressed to a younger mindset, a boy now afraid of the dark. He then opened the door, stuck his head out from the doorway, and peeked into the hallway. With a look of apprehension clearly drawn across his face, he looked nervously towards the bathroom door. It looked a million miles away and even as he peered through the darkness, he could swear his eyes were playing tricks on him, making him believe that he was seeing dark silhouettes dancing with the blackness of the night.
The pressure continued to build within his bladder; time was running out to make it safely to the bathroom. Suddenly, Jacob made a running dash towards the bathroom, still holding tightly onto his boyhood; this was to prevent him from peeing right there on the spot as he ran desperately for the toilet. When he reached the bathroom door, he quickly flicked on the light switch as he ran past, and hadn’t stop running until he was standing directly in front of the toilet bowl. With a sense of urgency, he freed his boyhood from the confines of his underwear and let loose a yellow stream of hot pee; it came out at lightning speed from his urethra and into the awaiting toilet bowl.
Jacob breathed a sigh of relief as his stream came down to a mere dribble. He quickly gave his boyhood a firm shake, flushed the toilet, and made his way towards the sink to wash his hands. Suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks, and swiftly looked at the mirror. He quickly moved back and forth to make sure his reflection was following, and then a swift wave to be sure it was he, and only he in the mirror.
He was now satisfied that it was only him in the bathroom and wasn’t still in some nightmare. He then began to wonder about the whole significance behind his dream, specifically why it seemed to have centered on the bathroom mirror; after all, there were plenty of other mirrors in the house. ‘So, why was my dream about this specific mirror?’ Jacob pondered, staring attentively at his reflection.
As his mind tried to figure these things out, his eyes started wandering around the bathroom for some sort of clue. The first thing he looked at was the shower door, this brought to mind the scene that had played out only the day before; he and Kyle washed each other and Kyle showed him how much he deeply loved and adored him, even without expecting anything back in return.
The next place Jacob looked at was where the laundry hamper sat in the bathroom, which lay beside the toilet; this was where Kyle had undressed him for the first time, it had been in that place that Kyle had given him those sexy … Speedos.
Lastly, he looked towards the bathroom door; this had been the place they shared their first kiss. Sure, it was an accident at first, but the second time was another thing. ‘OH – MY – GOD!’ Jacob thought, feeling a rush of emotions reverberate within him by the memory of their first kiss.
All these questions lingered, and despite these discoveries, he found no answers, just more questions. Then his mind wondered if there was somehow a common denominator between these three specific events; ones he shared with Kyle in seclusion. ‘Were all of these motivated by love?’ he pondered, to which he believed they were. Especially considering the first time they had kissed, really kissed; it had been a surreal experience for them, it was a pure self-expression of their love for one another.
After considerable thought, Jacob finally concluded that the love he and Kyle shared was indestructible, that no man-made weapon, including his fists could break what they shared for one another, and that included his delusional mother. Jacob also figured that the mirror in his dream wasn’t really a mirror at all, but was a representation of ‘LOVE’ itself; that their love was too strong for any man or woman to put break apart.
This realization affected Jacob. He deeply loved Kyle, and he could see without any doubt in his mind, that Kyle loved him too; yet Kyle was the one who had done anything and everything for him. In that moment, Jacob wanted to give something very special to Kyle; what that was he didn’t know, but he would try to figure something out
As the thoughts rolled around in the back of his mind, especially the memories he and Kyle shared in days gone by, a change deep inside was happening. No longer was he worried about his mother’s comments, no longer worried what she thought of him; but rather a joy had returned to his heart and it overflowed from his spirit, making a smile return to his face. In that moment, he wanted to … needed to be held, or just to hold someone. Unfortunately, Kyle wasn’t here with him, which made him a little sad. Eventually he concluded that he would go back to bed, but instead of returning to his own, he would hop in with his little brother.
With his destination set, he beamed a smile into the mirror, and gave a gentle tap with his nails onto the reflective surface. He proceeded out of the bathroom, turned off the light as he passed it, and tiptoed his way down the hallway. The darkness was now his only companion, and without any source of light to lead the way, he placed his hands onto the wall and used it to guide him towards Matthew’s bedroom. Eventually his hand found the doorknob; he gently turned the handle and opened the door.
Jacob entered into his brother’s room, and discovered that the lamp on the nightstand had been accidently left on; fortunately, for Jacob, this gave him a clear view of his brother’s motionless body. He could see his brother sound asleep, curled up into a ball, his covers entwined around his entire body. He couldn’t help but giggle from what lay before him, it was funny seeing his brother’s body twisted in a cocoon. He then closed the door, ever so gently, and walked towards his brother’s bed.
Slowly and with great effort, his hands began unraveling Matthew’s body from within his web of covers. After much wrangling and rustling, albeit rather slowly as not to rouse Matthew, he managed to free his brother’s body. He swiftly hopped into bed behind Matthew, and embraced him in a way that only a brother could.
He snuggled close to his brother, and spoke softer than a whisper, “No one is ever going to hurt us again. I love you very much Matthew, even if you can’t hear me right now. I’ll always be here for you buddy, and I hope that Mom will one day understand and love us again.”
He whole-heartedly meant what he said, even if it had been to someone who currently lay asleep. In his heart, he hoped his mother would one day take the time to learn what it was to be gay, and accept the absolute facts that what they felt wasn’t wrong. He also wanted Matthew to know that they weren’t defective, that God had made them this way, and if their mother couldn’t accept that, then she was of no use to either of them. Jacob yawned and felt a peace rush over his entire body; his conscience mind was now clear of any thoughts. He quickly leaned forward and planted a kiss onto Matthew’s cheek, rested his head next to his brother’s, and fell asleep with Matthew in his arms.
Bill found himself waking up earlier than he normally would have. From the time he’d left Jacob in his room, to the time he’d made it to bed, his mind had been fighting for control. Bill didn’t dare say that he got a restful night’s sleep; more or less, his mind had only given him short spurts of unconsciousness. For the most part, he kept thinking about talking to Jacob once more, this was to reassure his son that his mother’s letter wasn’t written in a clear state of mind, but in fact, was written in a blind rage; or so he believed, for he’d yet to speak with her since her leaving.
Bill finally got himself out of bed and walked into the bathroom. As he entered and made his way towards the toilet, he stopped abruptly and glared at the bathroom mirror; he quickly noticed several finger marks scattered across the reflective surface and wondered who’d been playing with the mirror. Bill figured that it must have been left prior to Sarah’s leaving, and reckoned that he would need to give the house a good once over later on in the day. He then continued and took his morning pee, took a quick shower and shaved his stubbly face before returning to his room to get dressed and ready for the day.
Bill was ready for today’s difficult challenges and would be ready for the fallout that might present itself. With his original plan to speak with Jacob, he made his way towards Jacob’s bedroom and opened the door to waken his son. As the door opened, some things became very apparent; Jacob wasn’t in his bed and was nowhere to be found. Bill began to panic, his heart began racing and his face went white as a ghost; he was worried that Jacob might’ve run away, run to his mother even. This thought terrified him; for he knew all too well the state that Sarah currently had her mind in, if Jacob had indeed run away, it would’ve been catastrophic.
Bill was panic-stricken. His mind couldn’t think straight, and only by a father’s instinct, did he turn face and run towards Matthew’s room to alert him of the current situation. Bill quickly flung Matthew door open, causing it to hit rather loudly against the doorstop. Suddenly, he noticed two lumps within the bed. He quickly approached, and found Jacob and Matthew snuggled together. Bill was relieved. A weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he no longer needed to worry. He quickly gave a gentle nudge onto Jacob’s shoulders and woke him up from his slumber.
Jacob opened his eyes, and was startled to find his father hovering directly over him, but quickly smiled towards him. Bill wasn’t in his right mind, and with a stern voice, he swiftly drilled Jacob. “You didn’t tell Matthew about the letter did you?” he demanded.
Bill swiftly saw Jacob shake his head no, informing him that his son hadn’t told Matthew anything; he was relieved and glad that his wife hadn’t managed to hurt Matthew as she’d already done to Jacob. Bill gave a reassuring nod, lips pursed. “Well do me a favor and wake up Matthew for me. Once he’s awake, I want you boys to come downstairs for breakfast. Okay?”
Jacob nodded and waited for his father to leave the room. After the door had been thoroughly closed, he snuggled up to Matthew and gave him a big hug. “It’s time to wake up Matthew,” he whispered into his brother ear. His brother didn’t flinch or move a muscle. He then started shaking his brother within the confines of his arms, and didn’t stop until Matthew moaned in displeasure of being awoken. “Good morning Matthew. It’s time to get up sleepy head.” The tone in Jacob’s voice was that of love and compassion; it flowed like velvet from his lips and was meant to show how much he loved and cared for Matthew.
Matthew felt the warmth of Jacob’s body radiating over him, he much enjoyed the feeling of a body next to his own, but preferred Nicolas’ even more. Matthew then turned over, his brother loosening his grip from around him and they met face to face.
“Good morning Jacob,” Matthew yawned, his mind still groggy with sleep. “Hey guess what! I had a dream and Mommy’s coming back soon.”
This deeply bothered Jacob; it was nerve-racking to think that his brother could somehow believe their deranged mother was ever going to return, especially after knowing what had been written in that letter. However, he wasn’t going to be telling Matthew about that; since he’d made a promise to his father, and he intended to keep it. Instead of coming up with a witty rebuttal, he wrapped his arms around Matthew and said rather nervously, “Oh yeah?”
Jacob took a moment to collect his thoughts, as he didn’t want to accidently give anything away that he wasn’t supposed to. A moment later, he opened his mouth. “I don’t know if that’ll ever happen, Matthew, but we can only hope it does, right? I just want you to know that I really love you Matthew,” he explained, planting a kiss onto his brother’s cheek. “Either way, we still have school today. So let’s get our butts out of this bed and start heading downstairs. Dad’s already started making breakfast for us. How does that sound?”
Matthew gave a mild fuss; he didn’t want to return to school, especially after all the fun he’d had this weekend. He wanted to be free, like the wind; to play and frolic about. But, the time for reality was now, and he needed to do what was required of him. Matthew then tried to wiggle his body out of Jacob’s grasp, which was easier said than done.
Jacob soon was in a match of strengths. Matthew’s constant twisting and turning versus Jacob’s more developed forearms and kung fu-like grip. Jacob didn’t want to stop holding his brother, for he needed Matthew just as much as Matthew needed him, even if he didn’t quite know it yet.
Even though he didn’t want to let go, he suddenly released his grip and watched as Matthew flew out of the bed and across the room. Jacob continued to watch as Matthew finally regained his footing and admired his brother’s innocence, and his oblivious mindset that their mother would somehow return, and that would make everything right in the world again.
Jacob’s heart fluttered and he felt the desire to show Matthew just how much he was undoubtedly loved by not only him, but also by anyone that cared about him. Even as Jacob’s stomach continued to rumble from starvation, he jumped out from Matthew’s bed and sprang forth like a grasshopper towards Matthew; within seconds, his arms had been firmly wrapped around his brother’s slender frame.
“HEY, LET GO OF ME! I need to pee,” Matthew protested, but Jacob didn’t loosen his grip, instead he tightened it further. “I’m going to pee all over you if you don’t stop. PLEASE STOP!”
“There’s nothing wrong with that Matthew. You’re my little brother and I love you very much,” Jacob explained, continuing to tickle his brother’s hips.
“I’m peeing! STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, PLEASE –” Matthew cried as his body lost all control over his bladder. No longer could he hold it and his urine spewed out all over his brother’s pajama bottoms.
“Holy shit you really are!” Jacob giggled, still tickling Matthew while he carried him towards the bathroom. “I thought you were joking. I guess not, huh?”
When they got into the bathroom, Jacob carried Matthew to the toilet bowl to let him finish his pee; but it was all in vain, since Matthew had already emptied his entire bladder. “I’m so sorry Jacob,” Matthew sulked, puppy eyed. “You just wouldn’t stop and I couldn’t hold it any longer.” Matthew looked down at Jacob’s wet pajama bottoms and winced at the mess he’d made.
“Nah, it’s going to be okay Matthew. Just let me go tell Dad that we’re going to need to have a shower now,” Jacob instructed, removing his pajama bottoms and throwing them into the hamper.
“No, please don’t do that. Daddy will say I’m a little baby and think that I wet the bed too,” Matthew pleaded, but to no avail.
“Nah, he won’t think that. It’ll be okay, I promise,” Jacob rebutted.
After removing his undies and placing them into the hamper with his bottoms, he slowly walked to the bathroom door and called down to his father, who was still in the kitchen. “Hey Dad, Matthew and I need to have a quick shower. So, we’ll be downstairs soon. Okay?”
“What? Why? Your breakfast is already waiting for you on the table and if you guys take too long you’ll be late for school,” Bill yelled up the stairs.
“I guess that means you’re going to have to drive us to school, don’t you think? Will that be okay Dad?” Jacob asked apprehensively from the safety of the doorway.
Bill took a moment before replying. He wistfully pondered and tried to understand why both his sons needed to have a shower, let alone at the same time. Either way, he didn’t much care for the details; it didn’t much matter since they had attended a nudist camp just the day before. “Well please hurry up; I refuse to send both of you to school on an empty stomach, that’s for sure.”
“Can you do a favor for me then please? Will you call Kyle and see if he wants a ride to school too?” Jacob pleaded, hoping his father would agree.
“I suppose, but I’ll tell you what, don’t spend all day in the shower, and I’ll let you know what Kyle says when you get out.” Bill then heard the bathroom door slam shut.
With everything now in place, Jacob returned his attention to his brother. He didn’t know what was going on inside of himself, but he felt strongly about Matthew. Maybe it had been that stupid little letter and he was trying to protect Matthew from it, but he couldn’t quite pin it down yet. He just loved him.
With Jacob already naked and smelling of urine, he directed Matthew to get himself undressed while he attended to setting the shower to the right temperature. When he was satisfied with the setting of the knobs, he faced Matthew and found him already stark naked. Something had changed from his perspective as Matthew appeared to be ashamed, and refused to look at Jacob for any length of time. Instead, his eyes were down looking towards the floor, hands clasped together, visually distraught.
“What’s wrong?” Jacob swiftly asked concerned. No reply came from Matthew’s lips; he merely continued to stare at the floor, hands clasped in front of his boyhood. “Seriously dude, it’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before. So what’s wrong?” Jacob asked once again.
“It’s just, you know, I feel really bad for peeing on you. I’m really, really, sorry,” Matthew cried, gulping saliva down his throat. “And I keep thinking about my dream. I mean, it was just a dream right? What if Mommy never comes back?”
Jacob could see the worry that weighed on Matthew’s shoulders; his eyes had been doing all the talking, saying more than words ever could. The usual bright eyed glow that normally shone from his face was now absent from sight, and all that remained was a sad little boy with a frown across his little face; he was empty as a shell. Jacob approached Matthew and placed his hands on his brother’s shoulders.
“Matthew … it’s all going to be okay. So let’s not worry about these things right now. You have Daddy, Kyle, Nicolas, and me. We all love you very much, so please remember those things right now,” Jacob explained.
“I’ll try my best,” Matthew quipped. “I just wish things could have been a little different, you know? Like why can’t Mommy just love us like she did before? Do you think if we behaved better she’d still love us?”
Jacob thought about these questions for a split second; for these had been very serious questions, and ones he hadn’t thought of. Finally, Jacob concluded that he knew exactly where Matthew was coming from and how he was feeling. He could clearly see the pain that Matthew was holding deep down inside, even as the tears welled up in his eyes and fell down his precious pink cheeks. This entire situation was damaging for them both. Their hearts hardened and turned cold like ice, emotional scars formed within the deepest reaches of their souls; they were bitter and filled with hatred for their mother.
Jacob quickly felt the atmosphere changing inside of the bathroom, not only by the steam coming from the shower, but also his body; his heart ached deep within his chest and it was sharp like a razor, cutting him from the inside out. He deeply hated the situation his mother had caused, he wished she could have been more accepting, more loving, especially more caring. Now she went off the deep end, and was likely never to return. All of these things were made worse by Matthew’s questions, knowing that she had managed to hurt him too was unforgiveable. Ultimately, he knew he couldn’t go back and change time, so he simply went to Matthew and embraced him in a warm and soothing hug.
Their embrace lasted several minutes, until they heard a loud, angry scream come from downstairs. They suspected it was their father, but couldn’t figure out why he’d be yelling other than to tell them to hurry up. They swiftly let go of one another, opened the door a sliver, and eavesdropped. “If our marriage has ever meant anything to you, then you’re going to see me TODAY! I’ve already called into work and taken the day off. Now where the fuck will you be – are you going to be at work or staying at your sister’s house? …” Bill demanded. “Fine, I’ll be at your sister’s place after I drop Matthew and Jacob off at school. We have a lot to talk about.”
As they listened carefully to their father’s private conversation, their bodies went stiff as boards. ‘Is Dad beginning to side with Mom?’ Jacob thought in haste, but he quickly came around and swiftly instructed Matthew to hop in the shower. Enough time had already been wasted, thus they got into the shower and attempted to rid their bodies of the smell of urine.
The boys didn’t waste a lot of time in the shower together; for their adolescent minds were too busy wandering and thinking about what they overheard their father yelling into the phone. As their minds were preoccupied with thought, they were moving their hands mindlessly, like drones, washing their bodies clean.
Following a quick shower, they brushed their teeth, combed their hair, and exited out of the bathroom. Each went their separate ways to change in their rooms, before finally making their way downstairs, smelling squeaky clean. They then entered the kitchen, and found a set of mildly burnt French toast waiting for them on the kitchen table. Swiftly, they took a seat and dug into their breakfast; neither of them bothered to mention the burnt taste that hit their tongues since they understood that their father was trying his best, and doing all that he could do to provide for them in any way possible.
During the time they were eating no one spoke, including Bill, who merely watched from across the table. Only after they had finished eating did Jacob begin to question the yelling that they heard while in the bathroom. “Dad, are you siding with Mom now? Do you think we’re defective too?” he asked swiftly, unbothered by the tone he’d just spoken to his father in.
“No, it’s nothing like that. Actually, I’m a little offended that you would think that,” Bill remarked. “It’s just – I think I may know how to reach your mother now. I really hope she responds to my plan. I kind of thought of it last night after you read – er, never mind. So I don’t want you boys to worry about anything, I’ll explain it to you later tonight. I also want to tell you something tonight, but when I tell you, I need for you to promise that you’ll never tell another living soul. Do you understand me?”
Matthew and Jacob nodded towards their father and promised not to tell anyone what they were to be told. With that promise, came an awkward silence between them. Curiosity then filled their youthful minds, and when it became too unbearable, Matthew began questioning his father, “So what’s your plan Daddy? And do you think it’ll make Mommy love us again?”
“I’m sorry Matthew, but I can’t tell you my plans right now. And it’s not that I don’t trust you, so don’t go thinking that either,” Bill explained, trying to reassure his sons that this was a private matter until it was said and done. “But please just trust me. I also want to be honest with you; I don’t think she’s ever stopped loving you boys, so please stop thinking that she has.”
Bill didn’t want to shed too much light upon his plans just yet, although he felt confident that it would work, he just wasn’t one hundred percent sure that it would work. In his heart, he didn’t want to build up their hopes and have them end up disappointed, if for whatever reason his plan didn’t work. This was his way of protecting them. In the end, Jacob had already been deeply hurt by what he’d manage to read in that stupid letter. Bill knew this, and if was the last thing he did, he was going to make sure Sarah knew it; if she liked it or not. He also held hope that she wouldn’t find pleasure in knowing she had managed to scar the boys, because that would be the end of it all, including their marriage.
“Anyway, we’d better get you to school,” Bill instructed. “I also spoke to Michelle, Kyle’s mother, and she said that Kyle would love to get a ride with us. So please get your schoolbooks and backpack and let’s get the hell out of here.” Bill then got up from his chair and removed the dishes from the table.
Jacob felt pretty confident in what his father was telling them. Although, his curious mind wondered what his father was going to be telling them later on. Furthermore, he hoped his father remembered that he and Matthew weren’t going to be coming home directly after school, but hoped that he would still be willing to tell them once they had gotten home. Jacob loved his father, especially after seeing him stick up for them; he felt that his father understood their feelings in some way. Although, he reasoned that only God knew the answers to that.
Jacob and Matthew then got themselves out of their chairs and went upstairs to grab their belongings. When they had everything, they returned to the kitchen and found their father already at the front door waiting, “Got everything you need boys?” he asked.
“Yup, I’m ready to go Daddy,” Matthew replied, sitting down on the floor to put his shoes on.
“I’m good to go too. Oh and before I forget, I wanted to thank you, not only for standing up for all of us, but for being there for us too. I know it must’ve been difficult to find out we were gay, and it’s probably very confusing for you, but as I can only speak for myself; I love Kyle very much; he’s my entire world, and I do mean that with all my heart.”
“I know you do buddy. I’m not blind like your mother; you’d totally need to be blind not to see it. But if you could just please get your shoes on so that we can go get Kyle and get you all to school.” Bill suggested impatiently.
Jacob got the message loud and clear; he quickly shoved his feet into his shoes, and grabbed his backpack from off the floor. As Matthew and Jacob made their way towards the door, Bill stopped them dead in their tracks. “Listen, I don’t want you boys worrying about what may or may not happen today with your mother. So just try to have fun at school and we’ll talk about it tonight. Okay?”
“Okay Dad, we’ll try our best,” Jacob commented, nodding.
With some words being left unspoken, like some unbroken rule, they all walked outside and towards Bill’s amazing car. Both Jacob and Matthew took their seats in the rear of the vehicle, which seemingly became their usual place to sit. After fastening their seatbelts, Bill looked at the dashboard clock and realized he had less than fifteen minutes to get everyone to school. Bill quickly put the car in gear, and without checking the traffic first, started reversing the car out of the driveway.
What came next gave everyone a scare; they soon heard car tires screeching, skipping over the pavement trying to gain friction, which was followed by a horn blaring. Bill slammed on the brakes, stopping only inches from the roadway. Bill looked in his rearview mirror and saw a silver sedan inches from his bumper. It was a near wreck. “Shit! This road’s a freaking deathtrap!” Bill exclaimed.
“Do you know what Dad? It would’ve helped if you looked before pulling out. Like jeez, what are you trying to do? Kill us?” Jacob blurted out.
“What? No, I’m not trying to kill us! Do you think I’m crazy or something? I’m just a little distracted that’s all – I’m sorry boys.”
After a few words had been exchanged between Bill and the other driver, he cautiously pulled out onto the road and took off towards Kyle’s house. The drive there was rather uneventful. When they pulled up in front of Kyle’s house, they found him already waiting out front. Kyle swiftly jumped into the backseat and sat down in between Jacob and Matthew.
Bill chose not to waste any time, because at this point they were already three minutes late for class. Once they arrived at Matthew’s school, Bill swiftly got out of the car and walked Matthew inside to sign him into class.
“Sorry we were running a little behind this morning. I’m here to sign my son in, Matthew Carlson,” Bill swiftly told the secretary. She nodded, signed him off as being present, and went about her business.
“Have a wonderful day and I’ll see you later on tonight for our little chitchat,” Bill told his son.
“Okay Daddy, I love you, see you later,” Matthew said, giving his father a hug.
Bill quickly returned to the car and drove away. By now, Kyle had cuddled close to Jacob, and swiftly given him a kiss on the cheek. “I really missed you last night Jacob,” he said softly.
Jacob wasn’t really in the mood for this lovey-dovey stuff; his mind was too busy thinking about this situation with his mother. However, in reply, Jacob merely smirked.
“What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”
“No, nothing’s wrong!” Jacob spat out spitefully.
“Whoa! Something’s definitely wrong with that type of attitude. So why don’t you tell me? Are you angry with me?” Kyle asked, deeply concerned; his eyes glinted and his mouth pursed.
“I’m sorry Kyle. I’m still kinda filled with venom. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that, especially to you, but I need to tell you something.” Jacob paused momentarily and collected his thoughts, while grabbing for Kyle’s hand. “Last night something changed within my heart. I realized a lot of things; things like, love is eternal and that the love we share can never be broken by what people think of me, Matthew, you, or even Nicolas. That also means my mother. I think I feel this way because I read the letter my mother wrote to my father. Last night I snuck into my parent’s room, and found it in the trashcan in the bathroom. Once I had it, I quickly ran back to my room and read it; on the pages, it said she couldn’t ever accept Matthew and I being gay. This was very hurtful; she thinks we’re not normal Kyle …”
“Are you serious dude? That’s total fucking bullshit!”
Kyle could feel as those words began to eat him up inside; they were sharp, and cut him like his father’s words. Kyle knew what it was like to be thought of being gay, for his father had left on that whim. It just wasn’t in the same breath as coming from a parent, or at least a parent who’d known that he was undoubtedly gay. Kyle couldn’t control himself anymore, for he was filled with emotion and anger. He swiftly reached out, grabbed Jacob by the neck, and embraced him tightly. “I love you Jacob, I really do. I never want to lose you.”
“I love you too Kyle, so much so that I don’t think I could even describe it. Unfortunately, there’s still more that you need to hear. Mom seems to think that I’ve been sexually abused and that’s why we’re this way, well Matthew and I. She even wants us to see a shrink, fucking bitch, like that’s ever going to work. She also wants to help us find girlfriends too. Can you believe that?” Jacob could feel his blood begin to boil, reiterating his mother’s venomous words. He found that they still held power within his mind; so much so that it was even beginning to affect his outward actions.
“It’s going to be okay Jacob, please try to calm down. She’s never going to break us up, I promise you that. I honestly don’t care what I have to do, but I’ll never leave your side,” Kyle said compassionately.
“I know that you’d never leave me. I can see things deeper than you will ever know. Again, there’s still more you need to hear, unfortunately. She also bitched out my father for taking our side too. She said she wants grandchildren and the likes, what a selfish little bitch, who’s to say that we couldn’t adopt Kyle? She won’t let us call her either. But Dad’s going to speak with her today and hopefully will be able to knock some sense into her demented brain.”
“I know what you mean Jacob. But things will turn out for the greater good, in fact, I’m sure they will,” Kyle hoped, but in the end, he wished she’d learn to accept them. He surely didn’t want to be an enemy of Sarah’s, after all, he liked her; well, maybe not so much now. “Just try and calm down okay? It looks like we’re almost at school.”
“Okay but only for you, and I’ll try my best.” Jacob then released himself from Kyle’s grasp and planted a kiss onto his red, magnificent lips. A few gentle pecks later, they broke their lip lock and Jacob made an announcement. “Sorry Dad, but I had to tell him. You instructed me not to tell Matthew and I’ve kept that promise. But I can’t be forced to hide anything from Kyle; he’d never hide anything from me.”
“I know buddy, I can understand that. But please try not to worry about it, I’m not angry with you,” Bill reaffirmed, pulling up in front of the boy’s school. “You two have a good day and I’ll see you later tonight. Now get on outta here before you’re even later for class.”
“Okay Dad. Thanks for the ride and I’ll see you later. Love you,” Jacob said, as he pushed past Kyle and exited the vehicle.
“Yeah, thanks for picking me up, and good luck with Sarah, I’m sure you’re going to need it. I really hope it works whatever you plan on doing, for all of our sakes.”
Bill hoped and prayed that it would work too; after all, he’d done some very meticulous planning before retiring off to bed. He knew he needed to try it and see what results came of his efforts; although in his heart, doubts remained. He knew his wife rather well after eighteen years of marriage, she’d always been the stubborn type; it was her way of doing things or the highway. However, this time she’d gone too far and the time for thinking and justifying was all but over; it was now time for action. Bill waited until he saw Kyle and Jacob disappear through the big wooden doors before finally pulling away. Although, he wasn’t about to head over to Sarah’s sisters place just yet, especially since he still needed to pick up the weapon that he hoped would clear his wife’s insanity.
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