Panic Attack
by David Heulfryn

 

Max was subdued when he woke. Lily looked over at Finn as Max slowly sipped at his glass of orange juice, leaving his toast untouched. Her look was to ask Finn if he knew what was wrong with his brother. Finn shrugged, feeling it wasn’t his place to tell his parents what had happened the previous day.

Owen was less subtle. He simply asked, “Is everything alright, Max?”

“Fine,” Max said flatly, “I better get to school.” He forced himself from the chair. Each step to the front door proved harder than the last. His legs felt like lead.

Finn took a last bite of his toast and told Max he would come too. Lily gave Owen a concerned look.

Max’s mouth went dry as he opened the front door. He suddenly felt nauseous. As he stepped through the door, his stomach wretched, and he vomited.

“Max!” Finn shouted. He rushed over to him and held him. Max was shaking violently and gasping for breath. He clutched his chest and fell to the floor. Finn didn’t know what to do. All he could do was watch Max twitching and gasping on the ground.

“Mum!” Finn cried, but she was already running to see what was wrong with Max.

Lily crouched down; she didn’t know what to do either. She placed her hand on Max’s shoulder and felt him shake and writhe on the ground. She called out to him, “Max! What’s wrong?” But Max couldn’t speak. He was gasping for breath.

Then Max clutched his chest and tried to call out.

“Call 999!” Lily shouted to Owen. She felt Max’s forehead. He was sweating, and his skin was clammy. “I think it’s a heart attack,” she cried and then said, “but he’s only fifteen,” under her breath.

Finn stood near Max and looked down at him. He was crying as he saw his brother in distress. He felt useless, impotent, and ignorant of what to do to help.

Owen came out, his phone pressed to his ear. “Yes, he’s conscious… he’s breathing, but more like gasping for air. Please hurry.” Owen looked at Lily, “An ambulance is on its way. Can you feel his pulse, Love?” He asked.

Lily held Max’s hand and used the other to feel his wrist. “Yes, it’s fast. Too fast to count. But sometimes it misses a beat.” Lily burst into tears, “he needs help, now.”

“They’re coming, Love.” Owen looked at Finn, “Go to the end of the drive, keep an eye out for the ambulance, and wave them over when you see them.

Finn stood at the end of the driveway, tears streaking his face, “Please be okay, Max. I can’t lose you.” His tears blurred his vision, but he heard the siren first, then the fuzzy blinking blue lights through his tears. He wiped his face and waved his arms, telling the driver where he was. The ambulance stopped, and Owen joined Finn.

“It’s my son, Max. He’s convulsing on the floor, I think it’s a heart attack, but he’s only fifteen.”

The two men got out of the ambulance. One carried a large, heavy bag containing medical equipment.

“Let me check him.” The young man said to Lily, who reluctantly stepped back and let him see Max. “Can you talk to me, Max?”

Max gasped for air and looked him in the eyes, trying to communicate.

“Try to control your breathing. Think about taking a deep breath.”

He could tell that Max was trying, and the gasping eased.

“You’re going to be fine, Max.” The paramedic told him and took his pulse. “His pulse is erratic,” he said to his colleague. “Let’s take an ECG.” He looked at Max, “We need to take an ECG to check your heart. I’m going to unbutton your shirt and just loosen your trousers to let your shirt free.”

The paramedic unbuttoned Max’s trousers and pulled his shirt loose. He then unbuttoned it. His colleague passed the paramedic some pads, which he stuck to various parts of Max’s naked chest. He clipped wires to the pads and set the machine whirring. A long sheet of squared paper was produced, and the paramedic checked the trace.

“I don’t see anything.” He declared.

Max was now still on the floor.

“I think we ought to take you in, just to be sure. Get you properly checked out. Is that alright with you, Max?”

Max nodded as the paramedic stood to talk to Owen and Lily. His colleague got a gurney from the back of the ambulance.

“I think it’s only a panic attack, a severe one, but a panic attack. Taking him in is just a precaution. I just want to ensure there isn’t any underlying cardiac problem.”

“Can we go with him?” Lily asked.

“Yes, but only one person in the ambulance. The rest will need to follow by car.”

“I’ll go with him.” Lily raced inside to get dressed.

“Can I go, too, Dad,” Finn asked.

“We’ll follow in the car. But let me phone work and school; let them know what is happening.”

Finn couched down and looked at Max. “You’ll be alright.” He kissed his sweaty forehead.

 

Although Owen and Finn went to A&E, there was little they could do, and they spent most of their time waiting. When Finn entered the bay, Max grinned and was almost immediately smothered by Finn as he hugged his brother. Max seemed better. They’d taken off his school uniform, which was covered with vomit, and put him in a light blue hospital gown.

“I thought I was losing you.” Finn cried.

“No chance, Min. But if you wanted the big bedroom all to yourself, all you had to do was say. You didn’t have to try and kill me off.” Max smiled, trying to make light of what had happened.

“I would never kill you, Max.” Finn blubbed.

“I know, Min.” Max reached out and held his younger brother’s hand. He squeezed, and the brothers looked at each other. The silence said everything they needed to say.

The doctor came and pulled Lily and Owen aside, out of earshot.

Finn leant down. “You have to tell them, Max. If this was a panic attack, you need to tell them what triggered it.”

Max teared up, “I know, but it was so humiliating.”

Finn noticed Max’s breathing quickened. “It’s okay, Max. Tell them in your own time. I promise not to say a word.”

“I know you won’t, Min.” Max seemed to calm down again.

“I love you, Max. But please don’t scare me like that again.”

“I scared myself too. I had no idea what was happening. I really did think I might die.”

“So did I,” Finn whispered. “And I’ll make Neil fucking pay for this!” Finn sneered through gritted teeth.

“Please, Min. I don’t want you getting into trouble.” Max pleaded.

“Okay, Max. But I won’t forget, and I won’t forgive him.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to, Min.”

The brother’s conversation was interrupted by Owen and Lily returning.

“The doctor says you can go home.” Lily smiled. “You just need some rest.”

Owen was holding a green plastic bag. It contained Max’s dirty uniform. “You can’t wear these,” Owen held up the bag, “they’re covered in your sick.”

Finn took off his blazer, “Here, wear this. It’ll keep you warm.”

“I’ll bring the car to the entrance; you won’t have to walk far in that gown.”

 

When they got home, Lily put Max to bed. She told Finn to leave him in peace and to wait in the front room.

Owen was sitting, sipping a glass of whisky.

“A little early, Dad.” Finn smiled.

“I know, but Max gave us all a scare.”

“Does that mean I can have one?” Finn asked cheekily.

“Nice try.” Owen smiled, but when Lily arrived, she shot him a disapproving glance.

“Sit down, Finn. We need to talk to you.”

Lily told Finn what the doctor had told her. They noticed some welts across Max’s buttocks as they undressed Max and checked him over.

“He was punished at school yesterday, wasn’t he?” Lily looked directly at Finn.

“I can’t say, Mum. You have what the doctor said. I can’t say anything.”

“Why, Finn?” Lily asked.

“I promised him, Mum. I promised him, and I’m not going to break that promise, so please don’t ask me.”

“We need to know what happened, Finn? So we can help him. He can’t have another panic attack when he has to go to school on Monday.”

Finn looked at the floor, “I can’t, Mum. I can’t break his confidence. But you know all you need to know.”

Owen drained the last of his whisky, “We’ll speak to the school on Monday. If they were going to cane him, I would at least have expected some notice. But we don’t know how it works here.”

“He didn’t do anything wrong.” Finn started crying.

Lily went over to Finn and hugged him. “You know, Finn? You’ve been home half an hour, and you’re not naked yet.” She knew he was preoccupied with Max, knowing what happened to him but bound by his love for his brother not to tell.

Finn giggled. “I wondered why I felt uncomfortable.”

Lily let go of Finn and told him to get undressed. “I’ll make a start and get your uniforms washed so they’re ready for Monday.”

Finn stripped and handed his mother his school uniform. “Can I go up and make sure he’s okay?”

“Sure, but if he’s asleep, leave him be.”

“I will, Mum.”

Finn ran as quietly as he could up the stairs.

Max saw him when he opened their bedroom door. He held his duvet open, inviting Finn to join him in his bed. Finn slipped in and spooned Max.

Finn held his brother tight as he spoke, “Mum and Dad know, Max.”

Max shuddered.

“I didn’t say a word, I promise. It was the doctor. They noticed the red marks on your buttocks. I’m sorry, Max.”

“Don’t be. I’m going to have to tell them. I just feel so…” Max sniffed away a tear,

“I know, Max.” Finn squeezed his brother. “It was horrible. I didn’t want to watch, I hated it, and I will never watch anything like that again. It was horrible.”

“It’s Cockaigne, Min. You wanted to live here.” Max sighed.

“I know. You’re not regretting coming here, are you?”

“Occasionally. But not really. Tell Mum and Dad I’ll talk to them later, probably tomorrow.”

“I will, if you’re ready. But I’m not leaving you.”

“Thank you, Min. But I’m tired, so feel free to leave me when I go to sleep.”

“I will.” Finn kissed Max’s bare shoulder. “At least we got out of school.”

Max chucked.

“I wonder what will happen with Neil?” Finn wondered.

“He can go fuck himself. I don’t care if I never see him again.”

“Same here. My friends didn’t like to watch it either. They told me these things happen quite often. They make an example of some students at the beginning of the term. Show the kids who are in charge. Coach Anderson threatened to have me caned. He thought better of it only because I did so well in class.”

“You were lucky.” Max sighed. “I don’t know why Mr Price did this. He knows I’m new to the school. I was just trying to not make the situation worse. It’s like he just wanted to make an example of me.”

“That’s what Adam says. They do that. I suppose it scares the younger kids to behave.”

“Well, it’s unfair. Have you told James anything?”

“No. Do you want me to?” Finn asked.

“Please don’t. I’m not sure if I want him to know. And if I do, I’d rather tell him myself.”

“Okay.”

“Thanks, Min. I know I can trust you.” Max slurred, tiredness overwhelming him.

“I love you, Max.”

“I… love… you.” Max fell asleep.

Finn stayed with Max for another hour. He kept hold of him, made sure he was asleep and made sure he didn’t wake up. After this morning, Max was exhausted and just needed some rest. He was feeling hungry. Finn didn’t want to peel himself away from his brother, but he couldn’t stay with him all afternoon.

Finn looked back at a sleeping and contented Max one last time before shutting the bedroom door and going downstairs for something to eat.

 

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