Afterwards
by David Heulfryn

 

I was nervous. I had been sent to bed while my parents talked to Max. They’d specifically told him to get home early so they could talk. I lay in bed with the light on as there was no way I could even try to go to sleep. I waited impatiently for Max to come upstairs. The longer I waited, the more agitated I got. My legs kept fidgeting, so I sat up. I picked up a book but couldn’t concentrate on reading. I got out of bed and cracked open the bedroom door. I could hear voices, but the living room door was closed, so they were muffled. There was no way I could listen to what they were saying. But at least there weren’t any raised voices. No one was shouting.

I shivered, feeling the cool air on my naked body. I got back into bed and waited. It was the waiting I hated. Then I heard soft footsteps on the stairs. They were slow and deliberate, unlike how Max usually climbed the stairs.

I saw Max’s red eyes as he came into our bedroom. I immediately dashed out of bed to hug him. I hugged him so tight he had to pry my arms off him so he could breathe.

“I’m alright, Min,” Max reassured me, and I sat on my bed. I kept looking at him.

Max and I stood together this morning while he told our parents he was gay. I reached out and held his hand when he said those words. Mum and Dad were shocked and immediately tried to speak to Max alone, saying I was too young to listen to what was being said. But he was adamant that he wanted me to be with him. This seemed to make our parents uncomfortable. I think Mum was more upset at Max telling me first. Dad just stayed silent. Then the usual questions were raised. Are you sure? How do you know? Don’t you think you’re too young? Then Mum looked shocked and asked if he had a boyfriend. I squeezed Max’s hand to reassure him I was still with him, and he told them that James was his boyfriend. Then the question of sex reared its ugly head. Mum’s eyes widened when she asked if Max and James were having sex. Max blushed but admitted they weren’t. I smiled inwardly, knowing that he was technically correct, but I knew it was best not to mention they had touched each other’s cocks, and James had given him a blow job. Max told a little white lie and said they had only kissed and held hands, but he felt very strongly for James. Satisfied Max was not sexually active, they asked about his ex-girlfriend and when he knew. It was an emotional few hours as we all talked and cried together, except Dad, he didn’t cry. All talked out, we hugged, and Mum said they still loved him. I hugged him so tight and told Max how much I loved him. Mum seemed to smile at my devotion to my big brother.

Max asked if he could go and see James. He explained that he had told his parents last night and had not spoken to him yet. Max wiped his eyes and left me alone with Mum and Dad. Mum hugged me. It felt strange. I felt like she was determined to hold on to me, feeling like she had now lost Max. I wriggled free and told her I was going around to see a mate. I was shocked when she told me not to mention Max was gay to anyone. I felt like she was ashamed of him, of his sexuality, but in retrospect, it was just a knee-jerk reaction. I told her that I won’t be telling anyone and that Max should tell the people he wanted to know. I think it was the most grown-up thing I’d said. Mum smiled at me, and I got the sense she was proud of me.

But now Max was back, and I had been sent to bed. Max indicated he was happy to speak to our parents alone, so I left them. I knew Max would talk to me when he came to bed. It was just the waiting that killed me. Now Max was here, and I sat waiting for him to open up.

“They’re okay with it,” Max said as he pulled off his jumper, folding it and putting it on the desk we used to do our homework.

“Good,” I said, no longer feeling the cold.

Max pulled off his t-shirt, adding it to his folded jumper and sat down on his bed opposite me. He looked me in the eye. “They say they respect my decision, but I suspect they think it’s a phase, but they’ll support me.” Max paused and looked at the carpet, “I don’t think it’s a phase,” he muttered under his breath.

Max untied the laces on his trainers, pulled them off and neatly placed them under his bed. I had never seen Max act so carefully.

“They also want to meet James,” Max said as he pulled off his socks, stood up, and walked over to our dirty linen basket. While standing, he took off his jeans, folded them and placed them with the rest of his clothes.

“Are you sure that you’re alright?” I asked him.

“Really, I’m fine.” Max sighed as he pulled down his white briefs and threw them with the rest of our dirty clothes.

“How’s James?” I asked.

Max smiled. Just the thought of him brought a smile to his face. “He’s brilliant. His parents said they already knew and were waiting for him to tell them. He’s so relieved and so happy.” Max came back and sat on his bed. “When I saw them, his Dad shook my hand, and his Mum hugged me. Marc did both. He didn’t know what to do. His Dad joked that they’ll be no sleepovers unless it’s with a girl.”

I laughed. James’ parents seemed so great.

“They think we’re both too young to be having sex.” Max told me, “they talk very openly about it, and I got a little embarrassed. His Dad noticed, put his arm around me and told me there was nothing to be embarrassed about and that sex is natural.” Max sighed, “I can’t remember the last time Dad put his arm around me or even hugged me.”

“Me neither,” I agreed. “Mum hugs us occasionally, but I wish she’d hug me more.”

“Apart from James, you give me the most.”

I stood up and held my arms out. Max joined me, and we held each other. I could feel the warmth from his body from the touch of his skin. Hugging my brother while we were naked felt more intimate. I felt closer to him like this than when we hugged him with clothes on. It was an intimacy that connected us emotionally and never sexually.

“I need to brush my teeth.” Max declared and broke our hug. I got into bed while he left to go to the bathroom naked.

I warmed up under my duvet and kept my eye on the door, waiting for Max to return. It was a long five minutes that I waited for Max to come in, turn off the light and get into bed.

“Min?” Max spoke. “James kissed me in front of his family. Once I got over the initial shock, it felt so normal, just like when I kissed Jane in front of Mum and Dad. His brother pretended to be disgusted, but James playfully punched his arm, and they hugged. Marc would always tease James, gay or not. It’s a brother thing. Like we used to do.”

“I miss teasing you.” I laughed.

“But I love what we have now better,” Max said.

“So do I.” I paused a moment. “Any thoughts on what happens now?” I asked.

Max tried to explain how he felt. Max said that he and James had talked about it. They both felt like a great weight had been lifted from their shoulders. James still wanted to tell the rugby team, but Max wanted to just enjoy the moment before they came out to the wider world. He wanted to savour the moment that their relationship was just theirs and not for everyone. It was not that he was afraid to come out anymore. He just wanted to keep James all to himself.

“James wants to come out to his mates.” Max sounded depressed about it.

“I know you’re not at the same school or have the same mates, so what does it matter?” I asked.

“Some of his mates go to rugby,” Max said.

“So what did you say?”

“I asked him to just give me a week, us a week, so we can enjoy what we have before telling everyone else.”

“Is he okay with that?” I asked.

Max chuckled. “He was so sweet. He kissed me and said that he would do anything I wanted. If I wanted to wait before we told anyone else, we would wait.”

“That’s so cute.” I smiled.

“I know.” Max sighed. “I wish he was here now.”

“I bet you do.” I giggled, “snuggling naked in your bed. Getting up to stuff that would make Mum and Dad blush.”

Max laughed, “As far as they are concerned, we are having a hands-free relationship. We don’t even use our tongues when kissing.”

“Eugh! That’s disgusting.” I hadn’t heard of French kissing. “You put your tongues in each others mouths.”

“Fucking hell, Min. Sometimes you are so naïve. It’s what we do.”

“Gay guys?” I was confused.

“Not just gay people, all lovers. It’s called French kissing. It feels amazing, touching tongues.”

“Really!” I was surprised.

“Really.” Max said, “Just wait until you get a girl or boyfriend. Then you’ll find out how good it is. Just feel the difference between kissing someone with your lips closed and tongues. It’s like there’s this nerve that goes from the tip of your tongue directly to the tip of your cock. It makes you so hard.”

“Well, it sounds disgusting,” I told him.

“You’re only twelve, Min. When you get older, you won’t think it disgusting.”

“Thirteen in a few days.” I protested. “Then I’ll only be a year younger than you.”

“Only for about a month, then I turn fifteen, and you’ll be two years younger again.” Max laughed.

“When you think about it, there are only thirteen or fourteen months between us. I wonder how that happened?” I pondered.

“Well, Dad must have got horny again when I was three months old.”

I laughed, “More like they took one look at you and thought they could do better. And hey presto! They did.”

Max chuckled, “You really have no shame. You think you’re perfect.”

“I am perfect, Max.” I smiled.

“Well, you are to me, Min,” Max said seriously. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Max.”

 

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