Category: Screeve

Too Hot To Handle

David Heulfryn / / David Heulfryn, Screeve

A huge thank you to all who have left comments and enjoyed the series “Li’l Job Louis”. I’ve been a little distracted and busy recently, so I feel I’ve neglected you. I must admit that I’m not writing much at the moment. I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but the UK is going through a heatwave. I don’t cope too well in the heat. I know some people love the heat and enjoy being out soaking up the sun, a bit like the guys in the picture. But I am not one of them.

I would love a good night’s sleep. I hear that it’s going to get cooler next week; we need a good downpour to clear the stagnant air and cool the ground and buildings. I love the smell of petrichor; it is very refreshing.

I hope to continue writing again soon. I have the third novel in my “Kes” trilogy to finish. I’m almost there, but then I have to edit and proofread it. It’s called “Liberating Kes” and brings together many elements in my Cockaigne Universe. But more of that when I’m closer to releasing the book.

So, please be patient with me, I promise there will be more adventures in Cockaigne and also some other short stories.

In the meantime, if you like the sun, enjoy the heatwave, and if you don’t, check out the huge back catalogue on Screeve.

Enjoy the heat. But stay safe.

May Day In Cockaigne

David Heulfryn / / Cockaigne Chronicles, Screeve

Today is the May Day bank holiday in the UK. So we get an extra day off and a long weekend. I’m grateful for the extra time off and hope to recharge my batteries.

In many small villages and towns, a May Day Festival is held, where the Green Man leads a procession through the streets. It is a celebration of the beginning of summer, and the Green Man symbolises rebirth, nature, and the cycle of spring. He is often considered a pagan fertility spirit.

The procession typically ends at the village green where you could find Morris dancing, dancing around a Maypole and culminating in the crowning of a May Queen.

In Cockaigne, we celebrate May Day with the rest of the country. As you might expect, there are a few differences. People still dance around a Maypole, except they are naked. We all enjoy watching the naked young men dancing around the Maypole with their cocks flopping around.

The Green Man is a true fertility spirit and will help anyone who asks. He’s not afraid to splash his fertility spirit on men and women alike.

The day ends with the crowning of the Cockaigne May King.

The May King is chosen because he is pure and unsullied with a yearning to lose his virginity. He chooses his companions to assist him, and one is chosen to have the honour of deflowering the May King in front of the entire village.

Cockaigne has taken the quaint May Day festivities and created its own version. Please enjoy the festivities, and why not take off your clothes, grab a ribbon, and dance around the Maypole? Perhaps Cockaigne’s Green man will catch your eye.

Happy Easter 2026

David Heulfryn / / Screeve

Happy Easter for those that celebrate it, if that is the right word. For those who celebrate it culturally, I hope the Easter Bunny brought you plenty of eggs to pop in your mouth and taste their sweetness. You can even tease out their contents and taste their runny contents.

I’m just grateful for the two short weeks and the 4-day weekend. It’s been good to relax and do very little.

Is Jakob The Only Wanker In The League

David Heulfryn / / Screeve

Austrian professional football club LASK Linz has confirmed that 18-year-old Jakob Wanker has signed a long-term deal with the club.
In the UK, when fans shout Wanker from the stands, you can be sure that they aren’t happy with what someone has done on the pitch. But when fans of LASK Linz shout “Wanker” from the stands, they are cheering on their favourite player.

We shouldn’t make fun of foreigners and their sometimes weird or unpronounceable names, and I hope this post is taken with the good humour it’s intended. I’m sure some English names are hilarious to them and to us. I use some of those names in my Cockaigne Chronicles series. Have you ever known a Mr Growcock or a Mr Cockburn (pronounced Coburn)? Or was Wayne Kerr your best friend at school?

So, while we smile at his name, we should also congratulate him and wish him a full and successful career as a footballer.

More Tissues Needed

David Heulfryn / / Screeve

It’s not what you think! This is going to sound quite strange, but last week I worked from home, never went out, stayed in the house all week (what a dull life I lead), and I got a bad cold! I’ve felt like crap the last four days (and still do). I’ve done very little, no updates and no writing. So, sorry for the lack of updates and for not responding to comments and emails. I hope I start to get better this week, and I can put the Paracetamol and cough syrup back into the cupboard. Updates will come soon, and I promise you some exciting new episodes for Louis.

Big Cock Problems

David Heulfryn / / David Heulfryn, Screeve

As a follow-up to my post about how ski jumpers may or may not be artificially enlarging their cock to gain an advantage. We must also be reminded of when a large cock can lead to failure in a jump.

French pole vaulter Anthony Ammirati went viral during the 2024 Paris Olympics after his bulge dislodged the bar during a 5.70-meter qualification attempt. The incident occurred on August 3, 2024, causing him to miss the final. Ammirati described it as a “big disappointment.

Why not suggest your own “Big Cock Problems” in the comments!

A Bigger Cock Could Mean the Difference Between Gold and Silver

David Heulfryn / / David Heulfryn, Screeve

There’s a news story doing the rounds about the rules and regulations regarding the ski-jumping suit used at the winter Olympics. Before the start of the season, athletes undergo a 3D body scan while wearing skintight underwear. As part of the measuring process, their crotch height is also measured. The crotch height of their suit must conform to the athlete’s crotch height, with an additional 3cm for men. The rules state that their suits must have a tolerance of only 2-4cm.

So why all the fuss about suit size? Well, every extra centimetre means you will go further.

To get around the issue, some athletes have reportedly been artificially enlarging a certain part of their anatomy to gain a few extra centimetres of fabric and gain an advantage. And you guessed it, that part is their penis.

Injecting your cock with hyaluronic acid can give you an extra one or two centimetres in the thickness of your cock. It doesn’t increase the length, pity!

It seems doing this is not illegal, as hyaluronic acid is not a banned substance. But the anti-doping agency has said it has no evidence of athletes doing this.

Whether they do it or not, it sounds fantastic. Is there anything people wouldn’t do to gain an advantage? Perhaps we should return to the ancient Olympics and require all athletes to perform naked. I’m sure a penis flopping around while doing a ski jump would be a disadvantage.

Happy New Year 2026

David Heulfryn / / Screeve

Goodbye 2025 and hello 2026! I’m not one for resolutions, but there are a few things I want to do this year: get healthier and cut back on the booze. Both will help me with my continuing battle with depression. But I also want to write more. I have an idea for a story which I tried to start last month, but something didn’t click. Perhaps it was my frame of mind at the time, so I want to try again this year.

I hope to bring you more stories from Cockaigne, both series and short stories, and I want to write more short stories away from Cockaigne.

Whatever you want to achieve this year, I wish you every success.

A Review of 2025

David Heulfryn / / Screeve

It has been a productive year for Screeve and me. I added 61 separate chapters or short stories. I have just posted the final chapter of Odd Job Ollie, thirty-three chapters that were fun to write about a well-hung young man who discovers he enjoys anal sex. Then there were the eleven chapters of The Chronicles of the Dickinson Family, another fun story of five brothers and their stepfather. And before that were ten chapters of The Chronicles of the Ashworth Family. On top of three long, multipart stories, I also published seven short stories! I think it must be the most productive year for me. And I have been overwhelmed with all your comments and support.

But Screeve is not all about me. We welcomed PlacidGuy to the website with three brilliant, excellently written short stories. If you’ve not read them, I urge you to read them. David Price also submitted his short story called Cadet Camp, about a boy’s sexual awakening; another cracking read. We also had a returning author, Tom, with his parody of the Famous Five stories called The Infamous Five on Kipper Island. It is a bucket-load of disgusting fun.

I can’t promise that 2026 will be as prodigious, but it will get off to a good start with my new series set in Cockaigne, which follows Ollie’s brother, Louis. I should warn you that the series does contain scenes of heterosexual sex, but it is still a queer story. Louis is the star of the series, but Ollie and his friends also make appearances. I hope you enjoy the continuing story of the family. This is another story I loved writing. I love Ollie and Louis; they are great characters.

Seasons Greetings

David Heulfryn / / David Heulfryn, Screeve

It’s that time of year again! The time has come; the shopping is over, and it’s now time to enjoy ourselves. As I am hosting my family again this year, I won’t get much of a break, but at least I’ll get to cook dinner the way I like it.

I also hope that the special man in your life comes into your home and gives you what you want from his sack.

I would like to wish you all the very best and hope you have a great day. But I would also like to reach out to anybody out there for whom this time of year is difficult. It can be difficult being around people celebrating when you are suffering. I also find it difficult this time of year, and this year is no different. If you need any help, please reach out to someone, anyone.

On the flip side, if you know or knew someone you haven’t been in contact with for some time, send them a text. Let them know you’re still their friend and still there for them. Trust me, it means a lot.