Bog Off
by Tom


Chapter 8: Blood Brothers

The boys were somewhat apprehensive when arrived at the house where Doreen was to be found in the kitchen. An unlit cigarette in mouth, she was contemplating an economy size packet of what were euphemistically termed eighty percent pure pork sausages, although what actually constituted pure was in fact pure conjecture as indeed did the remaining twenty percent.

“Hello mum.” Jason appeared as cheerful as he could, unsure of the reception after Kelvin’s disastrous morning altercation. “Oh good, they sausages is for tea is ‘em?”

“Jase, where’s that Kelvin?” she turned to see Bogbrush hovering by the door.

“Hello Mrs… umm… Twerks..” he mumbled nervously.

“Oh it’s Dean, I might have guessed!” she almost smiled. “So he’s dragged you along again ‘cause he’s afraid he’s gonna get told off, he do it every time don’t he?”

“Yeah, I ‘spose.” Dean glanced at the sausages, the cardboard packet they came in appeared to have far more body and colour than the pallid contents.

“Course yer knows why don’t yer?” she looked at him, including his trousers.

“Uumm..” Bogbrush blushed. He knew only too well why, for he was far from innocent of that crime himself, “yeah, he did say something I thinks about uumm..”

“Well he’s disgusting at times ain’t he! We all knows it and, and I’m sorry but I just lost it this morning, I can’t stand the mess no longer and it’s not like he’s Jase’s age and he can’t help it is it! I mean’s wot would yer mother say?”

Jason wanted to fall through the floor. Now an instant shade of embarrassment, the implication was that he couldn’t control his frequent emissions either, when of course most of the time he could, even if they were ending up where they shouldn’t.

“Yeah, uumm right…. I kno… I means.. I see’s wot yer means… I thinks..” stuttered a very red Bogbrush on hearing her forthright opinion and knowing exactly what his own mother had said to him.

“So where is he?” she asked, the point having been hammered home and quite plainly including Jason as well.

“He’s rushed up the bog, ‘cause we, uumm.. we’d had a gert rubbish dinner at school and…” mumbled Jason, “I thinks he needed the bog!”

“Wot was it then?”

“Wot was wot?” asked Jason nervously now afraid his name was actually going to be called alongside Kelvin’s in the roll call of seminal shame.

“The dinner! Gawd, Jase wot’s up with yer brain.” a very fair question.

“We thinks it were horse stew, don’t us Jase?”

“Oh ah, it were horrible,” confirmed Jason to the accompaniment of the toilet being flushed above. “‘cause it had gert lumpy ball things floating in it!”

“Poor horse.” Doreen was not with some humour even if at times it was totally lost, the equivalent of flogging a dead horse!

“Nah, they wasn’t his balls they was dumplings yer wally!” corrected Bogbrush.

“They was?” Jason was easily confused. “I thought they was a bit small!”

Luckily at that point the conversation was interrupted by the appearance of a very contrite looking Kelvin now having changed the infamous trousers for some jeans.

“Alright.. mum?” he said nervously.

“Now where’s them disgusting trousers of yer’s, they needs washing.” Doreen was determined to have her few moments of power at the expense of Kelvin’s red face

“I, I put ’em to soak in the sink?”

“Wot? Yer daft bugger! Where?” she looked at the sink piled with washing up and then reached for her cigarette lighter, her nerves were beginning to fray again.

“In the bog!”

“Wot in the basin! Yer bloody useless, bring ’em down here and if yer ever does that mess again yer can go without yer trousers!” she disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Kelvin looked ashen, Jason looked scared and Bogbrush just looked.

“Now listen, in work today I got yer another pair, they should fit.”

“Thanks mum..” mumbled Kelvin thoroughly embarrassed at being told off in front of Bogbrush, which was of course all part of the maternal strategy.

“And,” she continued just so the point was made, looking first at Kelvin and then to Jason, “and, if yer ever gets that disgusting stuff over ’em and yer both knows wot I means then.. I’ll bloody kill you!”

What she cunningly omitted to say was that the new trousers were actually graded even lower than seconds and being on the staff had cost her nothing, which in itself spoke volumes. For even by Guptha’s International low standards, seconds meant the quality was considerably lower than usual and as Kelvin was to find out the right hand pocket used for penile manipulation didn’t even exist!  Still, she could at least make the point that new trousers had be bought for him and he must look after them, even though she knew full well being Guptha’s International seconds they’d be lucky to last a week with Kelvin straining inside them!

“Now listen,” she turned again to Kelvin, “I ‘spose yer already forgotten yer got that appointment at the doctor’s on Friday for yer athletic foot.”

“Oh yeah.” it was affirmative, he had of course forgotten.

“Look I can’t come ‘cause they wants me to work, but since yer such a big boy now..” she paused determined to make Kelvin squirm, Bogbrush flushed since he knew just how big he was, “so yer can go by yerself wearing them new trousers and see if the doctor can give yer something else to put on them horrible feet of yer’s!”

“But, but.. I ain’t never done that by meself before… I, I dunno..”

“Don’t be a gert baby, it’s yer smelly feet he’s looking at, it ain’t like he wants to look at yer other bits do he!” another blow for motherhood was landed.


“And,” the cigarette ash fell into the sink along with the washing up, “and yer having a bath tonight and I don’t care whether yer says yer want’s one or not ‘cause I’ll put yer in it meself! I ain’t having you going in that surgery looking like some, some…”

“Yeah alright then, just don’t go on.” interrupted Kelvin now thoroughly humiliated, Doreen’s objectives were achieved and as a bonus Jason was left in no doubt who was in charge either.

“Right, well I thinks the appointments for half-past nine and yer’ll have to walk there and then go onto school.” she looked at him. “Can yer manage that all by yerself?”

“Course I can, wot’s think that I’s daft!” he replied. Jason raised his eyebrows.

“Sometimes!” she almost smiled. “And, yer’ll need all clean clothes so don’t yer dare do nothing in ’em before yer goes, yer knows wot I means, d’yer understand?”

Very flushed, Kelvin cringed, but the situation was of his own making. “Yeah alright.”

“Now why don’t yer show Dean yer new bed or something and then yer can try them new trousers on to make sure they fits ‘cause they’s only had the one pair.” disappearing in a cloud of smoke she returned to contemplate the packet of anaemic sausages and immediately succeeded in showered them in ash.

“Got away with that then.” said Bogbrush making something of an understatement as they thundered up the threadbare stair carpet towards Kelvin’s bedroom.

“Yeah, good wunnit, thought she’d have been madder like!” Kelvin’s contrition was fast evaporating and he was unaware how close he had been to a very unseemly end. “Now come and look at me bed, it’s wot dad’s knocked up.”

“Phew…  stinks dunnit?” Bogbrush sniffed as they entered the bedroom.

“It’s his feet innit! That’s why he’s seeing the doctor innit!” said Jason standing by the door. “He got athletic foot or something like that, they stinks.”

“Shut yer fucking face!”

“I ain’t surprised!” said Bogbrush. “Reckon he got athletic fucking cock as well!”

“Hey, is yer two gonna.. well, yer knows?” asked Jason anxious to know whether he would still be joining them in the shed.

“Oh, so despite me smelly feet yer still wants to wank with us then?” Kelvin turned to face him, wanting to hear him say it knowing it would probably embarrass him. “That’s right innit, yer wants to wank with us?”

“Yeah, I ‘spose.” he stuttered.

“D’yer think he could Bogs?”

Kelvin’s short term memory of seminal discharge was minimal for he was already excitedly pawing at himself through his jeans, that he was still wearing the same slimy briefs only served to excite him further.

“Hhhmm…” Bogbrush’s cock lurched in it’s Guptha’s International semen coloured underpants, the very practical colour had been noticed by Jason who thought it a wonderful idea, “yeah maybe, but he’ll have to be inspected first won’t he Kelv?”

“Be inspected, wot, for… wot for?” replied Jason, despite his apprehension his cock twitched in anticipation, “inspected wot for?”

“To check yer ain’t got no smelly bits or that!” said Kelvin trying hard not to laugh.

Through his pocket Jason instinctively pulled his foreskin back and rubbed the head as he directed his reply to Bogbrush. “I ain’t like him, ‘cause I fucking washes now and again!”

“Still I’s better check it, just to be sure like?” said Bogbrush. “Tell yer wot, why don’t yer go off and clean it while we looks at the bed, then yer’s come back in like ten minutes or something?”

“Yeah, right.” Jason looked confused, quite unsure what was now planned to happen. For what had started as three randy boys having a quickie had appeared to  morph into something more serious of which there was no apparent escape.

“Well don’t stand there gulping like a fucking goldfish, go and clean yer little willy!” Kelvin pointed to the bathroom.

“It ain’t fucking little!”

“Sodding bog off!”

As the door slammed behind him both Kelvin and Bogbrush managed to hold on for a few moments before starting to laugh.

“I reckons he’ll do anything now.” Kelvin grinned. “So wot’s fancy him doing to yer then?”

“Uumm..” Bogbrush grinned, dare he say it?

“Oh, well go on bleeding say it, yer knows yer won’t upset me ‘causes I knows all about yer fancying littler boys and yer won’t hurt him, so wot’s want him to do?”

“I can’t help it Kelv, can I, I don’t want they girls… I like boys.” for once Bogbrush was serious. “I knows yer’s tried them girls, but I still don’t want ’em.”

“Don’t go fucking soppy on me you silly cunt, just fucking say wot yer really wants!”

“Alright.” Bogbrush looked at the floor. “Well, would he do, uumm… yer knows.. well like something with me bumhole?”

“Wot? Oh bloody hell, I dunno!” Kelvin gulped and immediately wondered if by some means the news of the brothers anal excursion had got out.

“Oh fuck, oh wot have I said, yer’s gone all fucking quiet?” Bogbrush moved closer. “Oh fuck, wot’s I said, wot is it?”

“Has he said something then?”

“Who? Jase?”


“I dunno, about wot?” Bogbrush looked puzzled.

“Me and him.” Kelvin lowered his voice.

“Like wot?”

“Promise yer won’t never say nothing.”

“Alright, but tell us wot about!”

“Look, see when I tested yer wooden willy in the shed yesterday, well.. uumm, well fucking Jase came in didn’t he,” down to a whisper Kelvin continued, “so one thing leads to another and well, oh fuck it’s embarrassing innit.. well see, see he wants to fuck me don’t he and…”

“And?” interrupted Bogbrush excitedly. “Did he?”

“I should have said no, but I wanted it so much he cum up me hole didn’t he!”

“Bleeding hell!” Bogbrush was quite shocked, yet although he couldn’t admit it, he was very jealous. “I won’t say nothing, it’s alright.”

“Bogs, thing is I knows he liked it and he fucking pushed it right up there, all the way up!”

“So wot d’yer mean then, is yer thinking he’ll do it again?”

“I reckon he might, but uumm, well, see wot worries me is that he’s me brother and he’s only twelve and all that.”

“Hmmm… it ain’t never bothered yer before when yer’s wanked with him has it?” Bogbrush sniffed his fingers. “Anyway’ he’s a dirty little bugger ain’t he?”

“Oh, ain’t thought of that, I ‘spose yer right.”

“Yeah,” trying to hide his obvious enthusiasm Bogbrush continued slowly, “but, I ‘spose, but on the other hand if he wants too and we’s all doing it ‘cause we wants to do it then, then that’ll be alright won’t it?”

“Yeah, I think see’s wot yer means.” lateral thinking was not in Kelvin’s remit, sex was. “Like if he wanted it too like.”

“I thinks that’s right innit?”

“Yeah well, let’s see wot happens then shall us?”

Bogbrush nodded and decided since they were in apparently economical truth time he would tell it like it was. “Truth is Kelv I want’s to have yer fuck me, but I gotta be honest and say yer gert cocks much too big and you’d bleeding split me half!”

“And,” Kelvin blushed, “I wasn’t gonna say this neither but, after Jase had done it I thought to meself that, that maybe us could try it, well yer cocks smaller than mine innit, so’s it might not hurt, wot’s think?”

Bogbrush blinked. “Well I thinks yer fucking wonderful and we ought to get down to that shed before something happens in yer room!”

“Look I told yer just now, don’t yer be a soppy cunt, ‘cause well I ain’t that fucking wonderful is I?” Kelvin really wasn’t sure how to handle the emotional aspect at all and tried to brush it aside. “Look we’s best mates, so that’s wot mates do innit?”

“Wot fuck each other!” Bogbrush smiled. “I hopes so!”

“Better let not Jase know though had us?”

“Don’t let Jase know wot?” asked Jason suddenly appearing.

“That uumm… well…”

Before he could concoct a totally implausible reply Doreen’s voice could be heard shouting up the stairs. “Kelvin didn’t yer hear the doorbell there’s somebody here to see yer!”

“Who the fucks that?” said Kelvin, immediately wondering what misdemeanour he must have committed. “Oh fuck, don’t think we wasn’t seen by that wall was us?”

“Nah, nah… I dunno, uumm.. well let’s go and find out.” said Bogbrush bravely as the door opened and Jason came back in.

“Looks like we ain’t wanking then, ‘cause we’s gonna run outta time.” Jason, had heard the bell and if he were honest was not entirely disappointed for he still needed time to convince himself it was appropriate with the older boys.

“Yer right, maybe not today then,” Bogbrush sounded disappointed, “another time?”

“Yeah.” relieved, Jason nodded and thought he could at least return to his own room for pleasures in a solo capacity and think things through slowly.

“Kelvin will yer hurry up!” Doreen’s voice was, if possible even more strident.

Arriving somewhat apprehensively at the bottom of the stairs together, Kelvin and Bogbrush were very surprised to see the visitor was none of other than the bespectacled Luke from their class.

“Oh..” Kelvin looked very relieved, “oh.. Luke, uumm, well wot’s yer want then?”

“Well uumm.. I wanted to..” he looked around seemingly embarrassed at what he was going to say with Doreen there as well and nervously adjusted his NHS glasses.

Bogbrush quickly picked up on it and nudged Kelvin saying. “We was just gonna go and see yer latest bit of woodwork in yer shed, weren’t us Kelv? So come on Luke yer can come and have a gander while yer talks.”

“Oh yeah, we was.” added Kelvin rather unconvincingly. “Come on this way.”

Doreen raised her eyebrows and pulled on her cigarette. “They’re like bleeding kids!”

“See, I thought I’d see yer on the bus, but I didn’t.” said Luke stating the obvious as he followed them into the rear garden and across the balding lawn.

“Nah, us walked back today ‘cause, like we knows the exercise is good for us innit?”

“Yer wot?” Luke looked at Kelvin through his glasses as though he were mad. “Yer wanted exercise? Yer two, yer fucking mad!”

“Don’t worry Luke, I thinks he gotta touch of the sun walking home. So wot’s yer want then?” said Bogbrush.

“Come in and see me shed.” said Kelvin proudly opening the door.

Relieved that at least Bogbrush sounded normal Luke stepped inside, looking around he could see a workbench, various tools and other typical garden-shed-type things.

“Nice innit?” said Kelvin obviously proud of his domain. “See I can makes things on me bench.”

“Yeah, he did a gert smart bit of carving the other day.” Bogbrush grinned. “And he do all sorts of things inside. Now d’yer see the bit of gravel outside, when somebody walks on it the sound tells him it’s time that he stops wanking!”

“Blood shut up!” Kelvin giggled. “Well it works dunnit, I ain’t been caught yet!”

Rather taken aback at Kelvin’s blatant admission and his latent woodworking talents Luke took another look around only to find himself unable to refrain from asking the obvious question, the seed of which had been so succinctly planted by Bogbrush.

“Wot, so yer really wanks out here?”

Immediately Luke said it he started to blush. He should have known better than to ask, for at school wanking was one of the permanent topics of conversation and being naturally shy was not an act to which he readily admitted, especially having been caught in the toilets as Joel had greatly enjoyed reminding him.

By now the door had quietly closed behind them and the smiling Bogbrush was accidentally standing in front blocking the exit.

“Well I ‘spose if we was honest, we was just coming out for a quick one now!” said Kelvin, his hand active in his pocket.

“Oh don’t mind him, yer knows wot he’s like!” Bogbrush smiled reassuringly even if he also had a hand in his pocket. “So wot was it yer wanted to say then?”

“I, I uumm..” by now Luke wasn’t too sure if it had been that good an idea coming to the house, he stuttered on, “see I’d, well see.. I just wanted to say thanks for sticking up for me with that fucking bully Joel at dinner time.”

“Yeah, he’s just a gert prick ain’t he.” agreed Bogbrush. “I don’t think he means nothing like.”

“Oh, oh fuck!” Kelvin was shocked, such thanks were quite a rarity in his world and as if to confirm it he mumbled. “Hey Luke, I’m sorry ‘cause I took the piss outta yer earlier about yer being caught in the bogs, I, I uumm… well I didn’t mean nothing.”

“I knows that, it were just that bleeding Joel really going on about it didn’t he!”

“So, well, uumm.. yer a silly fucker Luke, ‘cause there ain’t no need to come round and tell us that.. and oh.. uumm..” even Bogbrush was touched, “oh fuck that’s so fucking sweet!”

“Well uumm..” Luke blinked and nervously fiddled with his glasses, himself really touched by their reaction, “didn’t mean to, to.. just that I wanted to say thanks.”

What with his father’s comments the other evening, then anally bonding with Jason, Kelvin was finding it all a bit much emotionally, rubbing his eyes he began to offer Luke what he genuinely thought was the most sincere thing he could.

“Fuck.. look.. Luke.. oh fuck, look I ain’t no fucking good at fucking words, but yer, yeah, yer so fucking cute I’d really like yer to do something that I only ever does with me bestist mate as a sorta sign of how fucking touched I is.. we was just gonna have a wank, would yer join us… please?”

“Yeah, cor that’s beautifully put Kelv!” Bogbrush smiled, really delighted at the suggestion and for the simplistic, but very genuine sentiments that Kelvin had expressed it with. “We means it Luke, honest. We’s sorta like blood brothers, we don’t do it with no one else like.”

“He means spunky brothers really!” corrected Kelvin smiling and starting to unbutton his jeans. “Now, yer don’t have to be embarrassed or nothing about the size of yer willy or that and we’ll give yer a hand to get it up, if it’s a bit floppy!”

Luke was really taken aback, not that there was no apparent avenue of escape nor that he was about to be undressed and masturbated, in fact to the contrary he rather liked the feeling of being taken in hand. No, the real shock was that it was the two most unlikely boys in the class who he didn’t really know very well at all that had offered a sincere friendship in their own inimitable way.

“Ready, here we goes.”

Bogbrush was already feeling around the front of Luke’s school trousers for the clasp and like a young child obediently waiting to be undressed he just stood there, partly shocked yet desperate to participate. Luke, being an only child he had missed out on the joys of sibling sex, yet had always wanted to explore the taboo of masturbation with another boy. However, being extremely shy he had never actually achieved anything so was now very content to be handled and bossed around no matter how embarrassing it may turn out to be.

“Cor look at them,” Bogbrush excitedly pointed to Luke’s well fitting white briefs, courtesy of St Michael, not Guptha’s International, he then turned to look at Kelvin, “they’s a good fit, proper pants not like yer’s Kelv!”

“Cor, I’d like some of they.” Kelvin looked down, there was no comparison, his were not only smelly, but too big and so thoroughly soaked with sperm they drooped under the weight. “Ah, ain’t nothing I can do, it’s wot our mum buys for us innit.”

“Mine ain’t no betterer.” Bogbrush instantly pushing his trousers down, indeed they were not!

Readjusting his glasses for the umpteenth time Luke looked between them, it was a golden opportunity to get some truth in relation to the sexual banter he was always hearing in class about Kelvin’s mythical masturbation prowess.

“Kelv,” he asked, starting with the most often heard accusation, “d’you, really wank in yer pants a lot then?”

“Course I does, who don’t?” said Kelvin proudly, peeling the front of his briefs away from his stomach and allowing the head of his mighty organ to see the light. “I must have cum in ’em… oh, I dunno, three times today so far!”

Luke shook his head in disbelief, unable to take his eyes off the huge foreskin.

“We all does it.” confirmed Bogbrush with a grin. “So I thinks it’s time yer started as well innit?”

“How?” it seemed a silly question, but not to the novice masturbator that was Luke.

“When d’yer last have a wank then?” asked Kelvin, who had already started pulling his trousers back up. “See Luke, I gotta gert idea.”

“Uumm..” really embarrassed at the question Luke played with his glasses, “this morning… I thinks!”

“Wot! Cor, yer about five wanks behind us then, yer’ll be to be able to cum now then won’t yer?” it wasn’t a question from Kelvin, more a statement of fact.


“Well first thing is yer gotta get inside yer pants through yer trousers, so now look.”

With that Bogbrush launched into a detailed lecture on the skill of making of holes in pockets that were not usually detected mothers, especially the ones very near the waistband. Using both Kelvin’s and his own pockets for a very enthusiastic hands-on demonstration Bogbrush was soon inside Luke’s trousers and in return Luke found himself excitedly grappling with them both through their own adapted pockets.

Overall, in well under ten slimy, frenetic minutes all three were more than pleased with the outcome and Luke had two new friends. He was delighted, for neither had commented on the minimal size of his appendage and both seemed more than willing to repeat the experience with him. However, the drawback was that from that moment on his white underpants were never to look so pristine again and being his mothers only pride and joy, he was very wary of the fact that she would very soon pick up on what was destined to become more than a daily occurrence!


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