Bog Off
by Tom


Chapter 7: Custard

Unusually for Kelvin’s class the rest of the morning had passed without anything of a exceptional sexual nature happening, that was other than Pete having skilfully managed a silent emission into his dark green Guptha’s International underpants during the final lesson of the morning. As he knew from ribald comments in the changing rooms the colour was the same as the girls knickers worn for games, certainly not a macho boy colour nor a very wise choice for it instantly highlighted any embarrassing seminal discharges. On the contrary, signs of any such naughty goings on were of great interest to his very randy twelve year old brother Harry, who obsessed with his own recent discovery of such fleshy pleasures frequently searched through the dirty laundry basket for fresh evidence of Pete’s heavenly pursuits.

Dinner time. Sat in the noisy dining room with several classmates with his cock starting to adhere to his infamous dark green briefs, Pete was like many others very disappointed with the food on offer that day. Normally it was a case of chips and beans with everything, yet for once in the interests of a far healthier diet where it was the only hot meal of the day some pupils were likely to get, all that was on offer as a main course was stew with dumplings and some vulcanised vegetables.

“Wot’s this shit?” Bogbrush pushed the brown lumpy bits around his plate.

“And, I’s wanted me chips and gert loads of beans not this muck.” echoed Kelvin.

“Looks like some poor bugger’s balls don’t it?” Lee prodded a brace of very uncooperative dumplings, so uncooperative the fork failed to penetrate and simply slid off onto the plate.

“So yer gonna eat it or not then Bogs?” asked Kelvin looking for moral support.

“Dunno, but I’s really hungry.” he turned to look across the table to see the plump figure of Dave who normally able to consume anything appearing equally perplexed by the ominous colour and stringy texture of the meat. “Yer gonna eat it Dave?”

“I’s fucking gotta eat it, ‘cause me mums working this evening so I’s not gonna get nothing else and I’s ain’t got no money for the chippy!”

“Poor sod!” said Bogbrush. “Well I ain’t bleeding eating it. So wot else they got on today then, is there some sorta pudding us can have and leave this shit?”

“Yeah, they was getting some gert trays of something that’s been burnt out them ovens,” Lee indicated towards the serving counter, “and they’s got them gert fucking jugs of cum to go with it.”

“Wonder wot sorta burnt stuff is in they trays today then?” asked Bogbrush.

“Fuck knows, don’t make no difference do it, ‘cause they always burns it wotever it is!” Lee was the voice of experience and knew a thing or two about school meals.

“Can’t be worse than this shit… can it?” said Pete. “Who’s gonna have a look?”

“And, so they’s got gert jugs of cum?” asked Luke incredulously, having very, very stupidly taken Lee’s comment at face value. It was to prove a very unwise move.

“Yeah, well we knows yer a right little wanker, so’s I bet yer could fill one if yer took it to the bog, ‘cause yer good at that ain’t you!” Lee laughed.

“Fucking shut yer fucking teeth!”

Luke was not happy at being reminded of his heinous crime when apprehended in an embarrassing solo capacity in the toilets. Particularly as Darren who found him had watched and waited until he was ejaculating before surprising him so that he ended up spurting over his uniform.

“Hey, Darren say’s yer’s only gotta little ‘un, is that right?” continued Lee seeing that Luke had taken the bait and was starting to get agitated.

“It fucking ain’t!” protested Luke fiddling with his glasses. Another unwise move and a step deeper in the hole he was digging for himself. “It’s as fucking big as yer’s is!”

“How d’you knows that?” now it Lee who was getting on the defensive for in truth he was not that well equipped either. “Yer’s been fucking spying on us has yer?”

“Well course he fucking has, when we’s changing for bleeding games and that.” said Joel. Coming from Joel as the class voyeur there could be no doubt it was true. For it was true and come to that true of every other boy there except nobody realised it!

“Well how fucking big yer’s then?” demanded Lee, itself a ridiculous question and quite an unseemly subject to discuss over the dining table! “Over six inches?”

“You two ain’t got six bleeding inches between yer!” said Kelvin laughing, who incidentally also knew a thing or two about very large and unruly willy’s.

Lee flushed and very wisely ignored Kelvin’s comment, knowing like most of the others he was certainly at least an inch short!


“Fuck off ‘cause I ain’t saying!” protested Luke by now very, very embarrassed and hoping bluster might work. Besides, he had never really seen Lee’s cock as much as he would have liked too and was well aware his own was indeed below average, in fact by nearly two inches in comparison to Kelvin’s much prized and frequently exhibited example, usually to be seen erect in the changing rooms.

“Don’t think it’s very big, ‘cause he always faces the wall when he gets undressed don’t he? That’s a sign of having a small bugger innit?” added Pete, content in his spunky green briefs and knowing he was about average and had recently tested it!

“I’s thinks us gotta have a butchers at Luke’s willy ain’t us?” concluded Joel with an evil smile.

“Right, come on Kelv let’s go see wot else there is to eat, ‘cause I ain’t fucking eating this stuff.” pushing his plate away Bogbrush stood up, watched by Joel sat opposite who immediately grinned when he saw the bulge in his trousers. “Getting ready for a wank then Bogs?”

“Well us all fucking does, don’t us and I’s always fucking ready you oughta bleeding know that by know!” Bogbrush laughed and looked down at Luke. “Well, those who admits it, eh Luke? I means just look at Kelv’s trousers!”

“Bleeding bog off, leave me trousers outta it! Hey Luke, thought we’d go over and fill one of them gert cum jugs each, so is yer coming to help then?” Kelvin stood up to unashamedly display a far bigger bulge than anybody there could ever hope to achieve, tastefully decorated with some enormous dried semen stains.


“Oh fuck!” gasped Joel. “Look at that!”

“Fuck off I ain’t filling no fucking jug with wank!” replied Luke now blushing heavily.

Lee joined in the laughter, he had arrived last and found the only free seat at the table was between Luke and Joel. However, the smile rapidly disappeared from his face when he felt Joel’s hand press firmly on his fly and the fingers start to knead his cock into a state of semi-hardness through his trousers.

“If I’s didn’t know no better, I’d say yer was getting hard?” whispered Joel.

“Fucking leave I alone! Fuck off!” hissed Lee. “Fuck off!”

“It’s like when us was doing things back in the second year innit?”

“Yeah, alright, alright, yeah.”

“We’s did it all the time then, didn’t us? Bet yer wouldn’t want this lot to know all about that stuff would yer?”

“Fuck off!”

“Remember yer used to come round to our house and we’d dress yer up in me little sisters clothes with her pink knickers and…”

“Just fucking shut up!” angrily interrupted a very embarrassed Lee pulling the hand away. “So wot d’yer fucking want then?”

“I fancies wanking that Luke’s little willy and I wants yer to join us.”

Lee almost resigned himself to his fate. He had hoped history wasn’t going to repeat itself for whilst masturbation back then was fun, he had to distance himself when Joel’s unwanted anal advances became far too persistent.

“Bleeding hell Joel! Nah, no I don’t wanna bloody do it. It’s alright having a fucking laugh at Luke, but I ain’t getting fucking involved ‘cause I knows yer just wants to play with his bumhole don’t yer?”

“Yeah alright. I knows I never got up yer’s, but I’s been up a few others since and I reckons he’d be nice and tight!”

“Ah fuck off! I don’t wanna know nothing about it! Wot’s wrong with yer, yer’s gone fucking queer or something! Anyway’s, he ain’t that sorta fucking kid is he, he’s a sorta quiet type, just fucking leave him alone.”

“Maybe I is.”

“Fuck! Wot queer? Well fucking sod off then!” Lee shuffled over on the seat away to get away from Joel’s hand.

“Oi, wot’s yer two fucking whispering about?” Luke nudged Lee in the ribs. It having finally occurred to him that he could well be the subject of the conversation.

Grinning, Joel leant across Lee and replied. “Fixing up to get yer in the bog!”

“I fucking ain’t! I ain’t fucking going in!”

“Yer fucking is!”

“I knows yer fucking bigger than we is, but don’t be a fucking bully ‘cause it ain’t fair to push him around!” said Lee brushing Joel’s hand away. “He ain’t the sort to tell yer to fuck off, that’s why yer’s picking on him innit?”

Now aroused and almost fully erect Joel sensed coerced sex in the toilets with Luke could be quite an erotic event. Otherwise it meant he would have to conscript some luckless younger boy into penile play who just happened to be there purely for urological reasons.

“Listen spunky-pants,” said Joel quietly to Luke, “either yer comes in nicely and us has a little wanky or I’ll fucking drag yer in!”

Naturally timid and not ideally suited to the rough school Luke’s glasses wobbled as he turned white with fright, his lower intestine immediately concurred and emitted what could only be described as a loud farting sound.

“Cor, wot a noise! Bleeding hell Luke you just shit yerself?” enquired Pete who was sat on his other side. “Wot you been eating ‘cause it don’t half fucking stink!”

Not wishing to incur the wrath of Joel, Lee said nothing, held his breath and continued to think.

“Fuck! Oh no!” gasped Luke, wondering if he had indeed just defecated, in fact then it might even be better if he had for it would get him out of Joel’s clutches!

“Gor, wot’s that fucking smell? Is it them drains again?”

Kelvin had returned to his seat clutching a bowl full of something lumpy floating in a strange slimy substance that resembled the texture of cold semen and which by an equally strange coincidence was much the same colour and texture of hot semen.

“I’s said that stew was no bleeding good, didn’t I?” said Bogbrush sitting down with an equally unappetising bowl. “Smells like some poor sod’s just shit himself!”

“It’s gotta be Dave, ‘cause he’s the only one who’s bloody eaten it!” said Kelvin.

“It ain’t fucking me!” protested Dave even though he had manfully consumed pretty much an entire plate full.

“It bleeding well will be soon then!” everybody laughed except Luke who already looked quite unwell and had turned a decidedly whiter shade of pale.

“Wot’s up kid?” it was Bogbrush who was the first to notice that he looked awful and was the odd one out not laughing. “Ain’t yer very well or something?”

“He’s.. he’s..” stuttered Lee, having finally plucked up the courage to tell the truth, “he’s afraid of being dragging in the bog by Joel!”

“Wot? Why?” asked Kelvin looking at Joel. “Oh! Why? Not ‘cause of all that fucking stupid crap about making him wank?”

“It weren’t no joke,” confirmed Lee, incensed that he too was almost blackmailed into performing as well, “Joel’s a dirty bugger!”

“Yer a lying sod!” exclaimed Joel, not used to being on the receiving end of things.

“No I’s ain’t, it’s ‘cause yer wanted to have him like yer’s has them younger boys, yer bloody said so yerself!” said Lee.

“Fuck you!” Joel was tempted to start a fight, instead he simply sat there simmering hoping the inference to his sexuality would be missed.

“Lee’s right though ain’t he? I’s fucking seen you hanging around with them younger boys!” wisely tempering his comments, Bogbrush almost bristled with anger. “So don’t yer dare touch fucking Luke, he can’t help it if he ain’t the type to tell yer to fuck off like wot us does!”

Hearing that the ever timid Luke was in put into emotional meltdown and looked as though he was about to burst into tears for being so grateful to Lee and Bogbrush.

However, before anything else could happen the tension was to be resolved by Luke himself, suddenly standing up and kicking his chair back to the rasp of further anal accompaniment he grabbed frantically at his bottom and rushed off in the direction of the toilets. Joel wisely said nothing more, it seemed that the relevance of Bogbrush alluding to younger boys in the toilets had been missed by the others, he did though think it strange that Bogbrush should be the one to mention it.

“Hope he’s not in the shit!” concluded Kelvin with a grin.


With the afternoon over, instead of taking the bus Bogbrush accompanied Kelvin on his walk home from school so they could discuss Kelvin’s present semen stained predicament. The intention being that his presence should defuse any altercation between Kelvin and his mother, plus if they were lucky they could fit in a little mutual abuse in the garden shed at the same time.

“Hey, hey wait for I!”

“Oh fucking hell, it’s bleeding Jason innit!” Kelvin swung round to see who it was.

“Well,” Bogbrush grinned, “yer’ve wanked with him enough, so reckon he’ll leave us alone or will he wanna hang around? Seems a gert pity to miss the chance of wank in yer shed just ‘cause he’s gonna be hanging about.”

“I’s dunno.” Kelvin sniffed. “See if we’s can get rid of him.”

“Well if he won’t piss off and leave us then he’ll have to bloody join us for a wank won’t he!”

“Oh, I’s ain’t thought of that!” Kelvin grinned. “Be a bit odd though wunnit?”


“Nah, not if he want’s to stay, that’s the bleeding price he’ll have to pay innit!”

The footsteps were getting louder and Kelvin was warming to the idea. “I ‘spose so, anyhow he wanks with his mates don’t he so it ain’t like he ain’t shown cock is it?”

“And, anyway’s I’s wants to see it!”

“Yer a dirty fucker!” Kelvin laughed. “It ain’t nothing special and it ain’t a big ‘un!”

“Why didn’t yer two wait for me?” Jason, finally arrived gasping for breath.

“Thought the bleeding exercise would do yer good!” Bogbrush smiled.

“So why’s yer coming home with Kelv then… ” Jason paused whilst the penny slowly dropped, “oh, I’s get’s it, it’s so’s our mum won’t go mental at his cummy trousers!”

“Wot a very fucking clever little sod yer is!” said Kelvin, if Jason could see though his cunning plan then there was a fair chance his mother would as well. “Well don’t yer fucking say nothing to her or I’ll… I’ll..”

“I’ll tell yer wot Kelv’s gonna do,” said Bogbrush, “he’s gonna give yer a choice when us gets there..”

“Wot choice?” interrupted Jason having suspected that it wasn’t just a friendly visit.

Bogbrush continued. “The choice is that yer can either just piss off and leave us alone or if yer wants to hang about yer’s gotta come in that shed and then yer gonna have to have a wank with us!”

“Wot?” Jason stopped walking. “Yer gonna have a wank together?”

“Yer got bleeding cloth ears! I thought wanking just made yer blind!” replied Kelvin by now quite warming to the idea of Jason joining in, the question was whether he could be persuaded to perform anally again, although maybe not this time!

“Yer heard alright kiddo, so just fucking hurry up or yer’ll get left behind!” said Bogbrush quite casually as they carried on walking.

“Wot d’yer say?” it seemed Jason had miraculously caught up with them again.

“Look, it’s gert simple really. Yeah, yer right about yer mum, but we wants to have a wank in the shed,” Bogbrush smiled, “and thought yer might wanna join us like!”

“But… but yer much bigger… fuck, I’s dunno.” spluttered Jason totally confused, one part of him wanting too, the other not.

“Yeah, yer right there, bigger by about fucking three inches!” Kelvin stopped to lean against the garden wall convulsed with laughter.

“Fuck yer and yer fucking gert smelly willy!” Jason angrily hit him across his legs.

“Now bleeding stop it.” trying not to laugh Bogbrush moved between them, for Kelvin’s joke was actually very funny. “See, I’s gotta fucking gert idea to decide it.”

“Wot’s that then?” demanded Jason still visibly angry at the penile insult even if it was fairly accurate.

“Wot?” still laughing, Kelvin looked at Bogbrush. “A fucking tape measure!”

“Fucking bog off!” said Jason.

“Simple innit?”

“Is it?” asked Kelvin who was now showing no shame whatsoever by quite obviously playing with himself through his bottomless pocket.

“Yer’ll go blind doing that!” observed Jason. “I’s hopes nobody can see.”

“I can’t fucking help it, it’s all this talk of wanking and I ain’t cum for fucking hours!”

Bogbrush looked at his watch. “I ‘spose dinner time was about three hours ago, so that’s fucking good for yer innit!

“I told yer it was bloody hours ago didn’t I?” Kelvin’s hand was now very busy.

“Yeah, now shut up about that. Let’s all turn to face the wall so nobody can see us and I’s gonna tell yer wot me gert idea is like.”

“Wot? Wot gert idea were that then?” asked Jason, now erect having seen Kelvin.

“It’s the fucking idea that’ll decide if yer gonna wank with us or not!” said Bogbrush. “For fuck’s sake, I reckons Kelv’s right and all that wanking has fucked yer hearing!”

“Yer wot?” Jason for once seemed quite nervous and the conversation was moving too quickly. “Oh fuck! Does I’s have too?”

“No, but if yer says no now, then yer’s gotta piss off and leave us alone. See?”

“Oh shit, well I dunno.” Jason was confused and it wasn’t difficult to get confused.

“Well them I’s reckons yer can take the gamble then.” said Kelvin licking his fingers.

“That’s settled then. So Jase, it’s gert simple, we’s all gonna undo our trousers and if yer as hard is like wot we is then yer can join us, if not yer’ll have to fuck off and  play with yerself some place else!” Bogbrush looked furtively up and down the road. “Right, there ain’t nobody about so let’s get ’em out!”

“Wot?” Jason didn’t really see the point of it as all he had to do was say yes or no anyway, however that subtle point that hadn’t quite percolated through as yet.

“Right, cop a load of he then!” Kelvin theatrically unzipped his fly allowing the spunky yellow of his smelly Guptha’s International lime green and semen coloured briefs to immediately escape through the fly.

“Fuck! Yer pants is all wet, have yer cum then?” exclaimed Jason. “Looks like it.”

“Nah, but I’m bloody close!”

“Right, now I’s unzipping so have a quick look.” Bogbrush unzipped his trousers to allow the very obviously tenting front of his spunk coloured Guptha’s International one-size-fit’s all briefs to push through the opening.

“Shit.” said Jason knowing he was very erect, but somewhat short on length.

“Well yer’s mine so yer’s can check it’s hard!” said Kelvin already very aroused and proudly pulling his dripping erection out from the confines of his briefs to confirm it.

“For fuck’s sake put it away or we’ll get arrested!” said Bogbrush looking around.

“It just got out!” he said lamely, trying to get a hold on the reluctant organ, the slimy coating of semi-congealed semen did little to help.

“Just look at it… cor, it do stink don’t it!” added Jason pulling a face.

“Fuck off it don’t smell!” Kelvin managed to stuff it back inside his fly and sniffed his hands, wiping them on his blazer he then started to rub the front of his trousers.

“Well, let’s have a look then Jase.” Bogbrush turned to Jason who was very, very nervously fiddling with his zip and obviously playing for time.

“Don’t fucking laugh.” he mumbled, looking quite red in the face and only too well aware that he was nowhere in the running when it came to size as he felt around inside and pulled out his very hard nearly four inches worth.

“Ooooh look,” Kelvin was already laughing, “he’s got butterflies on his pants!”

“Fuck you!” snapped Jason instantly pushing it back inside and managing to catch it on the zip as he did so. “Fuck, fuck.. that hurt! Fuck!”

Luckily for Bogbrush his own cock was already back inside for it was starting to ooze a little precum, the sight of Jason had really turned him on. “Ah, don’t worry about him Jase, ‘cause I thinks yer’s can wank with us if yer wants too.”

“Oh.. can I…. it was, it was really hard wunnit?” he looked up at Bogbrush, who he trusted more than Kelvin to be honest with him. “Was it, well… like big enough?”

“Yeah, really hard, yeah. See mine weren’t much bigger when I was yer age and even that tosser of a brother of yer’s ain’t always had a gert big ‘un has he? So’s don’t worry ‘cause yer’s will get bigger.”

“Oh.” said Jason delighted at the news.

Now it was time for Bogbrush to collect a little fantasy material, although Brett’s dimensions were already known. “So how big is it compared to yer mates then?

“Well see,” Jason looked round not really wanting Kelvin to overhear, he leant closer, “see Brett’s is smaller innit, well ‘cause he’s smaller ain’t he and he’s had his end bit cut off, poor bugger. Wonder why they cuts the end bit off, d’yer knows?”

“Uumm,” Bogbrush had often pondered the same question, usually instigated from  his voyeuristic forays in the changing rooms, “innit something to do with religion or that? I knows, don’t them Jews have ’em cut off, I thinks they do, don’t ‘em?”

“I dunno, do ’em?” Jason was already out of his depth. “Wot’s a Jew anyway’s?”

“Fuck I dunno, ain’t they the ones that worships fucking cows or something or, or is they that other lot, wot’s they called, uumm, they’s fucking Buddy’s or something like that innit?” Bogbrush was even deeper out of his depth than Jason. “Ah, who gives a fuck anyhow!”

“Hhmm… wonder if me dad knows!” Jason looked totally lost, because he was.

“Enough about them, so wot about yer other little mate, wot’s his name, Billie innit, so wot’s he got then?”

“Bit longer than mine, not a lot. He’s still got the end bit and that.” Jason looked at Bogbrush wondering how much to reveal, his voice went even lower. “I’s thinks he wanks lot… well I don’t thinks, I knows he do, he does it in lessons.. ‘cause we..”

Bogbrush squeezed his legs together, it was the little snippets of information that really turned him on, the wet patch was growing. “So, so… ‘cause we.. we wot?”

Jason looked around yet again, Kelvin was oblivious to what was going on and otherwise engaged in rubbing the front of his trousers, quite obviously heading for another seminal disaster. “See us all wanked in the woodwork class this morning.”

“D’yer all cum then?” Bogbrush shuffled on his feet, the wet patch was definitely bigger and not helped by his constant pocket manipulations.

Jason nodded frantically. “Yeah, Billie sat on the floor sucking Brett and so’s Brett and me, well us wanks over Billie, then he cums himself like. Cor, you oughta see his trousers they looks like Kelv’s now with the spunk all over ’em!”

“Oh fuck!” Bogbrush quickly withdrew his hand from the pocket, he had no choice but to stop all action. “Shall us get on then, see if yer mum’s gonna go nuts or not?”

“Come on Kelv, we’s going now.” Jason poked him in the back.

“Fuck! Hang on.. oh no… oh fuck…no……fuck, fuck!”

“Wot’s up now then?” asked Bogbrush, it was a silly question for he should have known better what was well and truly up. Judging from Kelvin’s stance and the hand deep in the pocket things had not for the first time got out of control. “Oh fuck… oh Kelv, no.. yer ain’t is yer?”

“Ain’t wot?” Jason turned to see the inane grin on Kelvin’s face. “Oh shit, looks like he is!”

“Well turn to the fucking wall while yer do!” Bogbrush looked nervously around.

“Oh fuck, oooh fuck!”

Kelvin’s limited vocabulary was very stretched. Stretched, as were his infamous lime green underpants, now absolutely sodden with semen they had been pulled, twisted and rubbed all around whilst his cock had fully risen to the occasion and delivered yet another truly magnificent discharge.

“Yer’ve fucking cum again ain’t yer? Yer a dirty fucker? Can’t yer ever leave it alone!” Bogbrush looked down as Kelvin slumped against the wall. “Gawd, look! Now yer’ve cum so much it’s all soaked right through yer trousers!”

“Fuck!” said Jason. “Wot yer gonna say to mum now?”

“Fuck!” said Kelvin. “She’ll fucking kill me!”

“Won’t her gonna do that anyway?” said Jason trying not to laugh.

“Fuck!” said Bogbrush. “Fuck! Nah she won’t, ‘cause I gotta plan!”


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